Weekend Trip to the Raptor Center

Late, but here it is. Adam and I went to the Raptor Center this weekend, and got out in nature for the first time together. It was great! I always prefer to be around trees instead of concrete, and it was great to experience it together. Another thing that we have in common is the fact that we both love being outside. I love climbing around on the rocks, hiking and breathing in more fresh air than you can find here in town. We went around and saw the birds first, and then made our way down to the lake and climbed the rocks around the lake. We found some great fossils, but unfortunately I forgot the few that I was going to bring home. (Oh well, I can find even more the next time I go!)

Then, I started to take pictures. So, we made our way back around the cages and down to the bird watching station. Not only did we see some pretty birds, but saw a momma deer and two babies. Deer are such pretty creatures.

Here are some of the pictures that I took while we were there...









Woot! I wanted to post about it earlier, but when I have a serious blog entry in mind, I cannot think about writing any others until I am done mulling over it.

The past affecting the future

"The only man a girl can depend on is her daddy."

That line from Grease is one that has resonated with me for years, and it has even affected the way that I approach my relationships. I think this is, because in my case, I didn't even have my own dad to depend on growing up. He dropped out of my life right before my 2nd birthday, (August 7th, 1986) and didn't come back into my life until about two days before my 16th.

Fourteen years of absence from my life, and all he could say was, "I always MEANT to call or write, but time just gets away from us." Ten to one, he wouldn't have ever gotten back in contact with me, if it wasn't for the letters that I sent him secretly throughout 6th grade. And, not even then.. had it not been for my former step-mom who happened to find those letters while doing some spring cleaning! I owe it to her for the relationship I have with my father, albeit shaky and off-on as it is. At least I've gotten to meet my two half brothers, and my former step-sisters.

How has that quote and my experiences with an absent father affected my dating relationships? Easy. (Or so it may seem to me, now, that I've been thinking about it a lot (lightly for the last couple of years, heavily for the last half of year or so.)

Since I was about 16-17, I convinced most of myself that I didn't want children. I dated guys that didn't want them as well, and guys that weren't very dependable. I guess I figured that if I couldn't count on my daddy, then there weren't any guys that I could even attempt to count on to be there for me.

My realization of what I really wanted from life started coming unearthed, in my mind, during the last (very rocky) months of my previous relationship with Jeff. I was seeing how deep of a mess he was getting himself in, and I know that sooner or later, (pardon the crudeness,) the shit is going to hit the fan for him. I realized that I needed a man that I could depend on to stay out of trouble to be able to support me and a future family. I needed a man that could stay out of jail/prison and not resort to illegal practices to make money just for kicks. I needed a man that I could trust with all my heart and soul around myself and any possible children. And, perhaps most of all, I needed a man that wasn't an alcoholic like my father. Jeff didn't fit any of that bill.. which is when I just considered it a lost cause.

The truth of it is, I DO want marriage and a couple of children. I just hope with all that I have that I find a guy that will WANT to walk with me throughout all the experiences, trials, joys and tribulations of life together, no matter what happens or what comes our way. And hope that I don't have a 'hit and run' man.. one's just looking for flings and no commitment. (Like my father admitted when he dated my mother and then found out I was on the way.)

I'm scared to death that I wouldn't be a good momma... but if I didn't worry about that, shouldn't that raise more red flags about my abilities and my mindset?

I've been dating Adam for three months now. Through conversation about the topic and seeing him interact with Austin once, I know that he'd be there for me in the future if we happened to have children. And I know that he would be a good daddy. This is the first relationship that I have had that I am feeling really good about and am truly excited to see where it takes us. Perhaps it's because I've decided that I am not hiding my wants, needs and desires anymore. Or maybe it's because I have a really good feeling about us? It's definitely a combination of the two; and a whole lot more!

Maybe the line should be revised to be not that, "The only guy that a girl can depend on is her daddy," but that, "The only thing that a girl can depend on to show her what she needs and desires from her future is her past?"

Is Yours Fulfilling?

Everywhere you look, people seem to have vastly different ideas what it means to have a 'rich' and 'fulfilled' life. From large houses and SUV's to having the latest gadgets. For many decades now, American's, (at least,) have been running the impossible race of keeping up with the Jones'.

And for what? Do large houses and fancy TV recorders really make you happier than if you didn't have those things? If they do, than more power to you. But if not, what are you really living for?

Or dying for? I've been thinking about that poor man in New York that got trampled at a Wal*Mart on Black Friday last week. He lost his life so that people could be the first to grab the best deals on cheap plastic crap.

Seriously. What are we doing to ourselves as a nation? We wonder why children are increasingly screaming, 'Gimme Gimme Gimme! I want THAT!' and then having temper tantrums when the parents tell them no. Many people have the same exact mind processes, and the children are just mimicking what they see and hear.

I think a happy and full life does not have to be a materialistic one. I don't care about having oodles of money and tons of electronic gizmo's cluttering my house. I don't need fancy bling and a shiny car.

I want the basics. Love and happiness. Peace and Harmony. I want someone that will hold me through good times and bad, and tell me that it's all going to be alright. I want a happy marriage and a little rugrat or two someday. I want my MaryKay business to be successful and help others feel better about themselves. I want my family to be healthy and happy, and my friends to have the lives that they want.

I am beginning to get on the right track to get these things. I am slowly disentangling myself from the retail dungeon that I have been slaving for the past six years, and becoming my own boss~slowly and tentatively, but it's going to happen.

As I think about these things, I can see that as much as Jeff still means to me, it's amazing that we lasted as long as we did. Money and the wanting of more and more on his part is what was at the root of the problems he had~even if he didn't/doesn't realize it. He kept telling me that he wanted to make me happy and give me all that I wanted. However, he failed to ask me or believe me when I told him what I thought about money and what made me happy in regards to it.

The truth is: I could care less about money, as long as I have enough to survive, I am happy.

What about you, dear readers?

What would make you happiest in life?

What do you like best about your life?

What do you want to change or are changing about things?

I am so tired..*mobile blog*

..of my OCD. And I only have what? Seventy, eighty years left to deal with it? Sometimes I think I am crazy, but I think we all do at one time or another.

I always have to check things that potentially conduct heat, at least three times....(as one example, there are many more things I must do three times before I can leave the house with any peace of mind. And it seems to be getting worse as time goes on.)

Class is starting now.. must go.

Does anyone else have anything else AT ALL like this, that they experience?