Changing our image..

...one pound at a time.

That's what I hope to do in my family. Over the years, my family has slowly tacked on the pounds, like most Americans. Lots of greasy, fatty foods and no exercise.

I've been telling my brother that he was getting closer and closer to being obese, and a few weeks ago I ran his stats through a calculator online which told him that he was, yes, obese. Then, last week, he had a doctor's appointment and guess what?

That's right, the doctor told him the same thing, that he was now in the obese category and he needed to lose quite a bit of weight to be healthy again and avoid further medical problems.

My mother is overweight as well, but she's been talking about wanting to lose weight for a long time. So, last weekend we made a exercise room upstairs for everyone to use. (Now, although noise annoys me and that particular room is right above mine, I just remind myself that it's for their own good.) We gathered all the exercise elements that everyone had into one room for us all to use. We have a treadmill in there, a weight machine, a exercise bike, a pilates ball and an huge exercise ball, plus all of the DVDS and VHS' that we had. We'll be adding more, little by little, when we have the money. There's a really good AB machine that I want. It's one that has back support while I use it, which is really appealing because I have a really bad back.

On the food side of things, I am the primary grocery buyer in the house, and I realized that I wasn't helping matters at all with the food choices that I brought home. So, yesterday, I started myself a pretty cookbook, (with colored pages and pretty font,) of stuff that contains no chocolate and lots of healthy food. Chocolate is one of our biggest downfalls.

Starting on Tuesday, when I get groceries next, no more unhealthy foods are entering into our kitchen. And I will be cleaning out the unhealthy stuff tomorrow.

I just realized that I hadn't mentioned my weight or health yet, in my writings. (This computer is freezing up in the middle of every paragraph, kind of disrupts my train of thought with every opportunity. (Knock on wood...three thousand times!)

I started the year at a little less than 100 pounds. I know, I know, but I've been trying to GAIN weight for years, and it just wouldn't come. I had customers every week actually ask me if I was anorexic. Can you believe that?? I've always been below weight, no matter how much I ate and of what.

But, guess what? I am now at 116. Woot! Four more pounds to my goal, and then I will be happy. There is two downsides to that accomplishment, however. One, there's a good chance that if I don't start actually exercising, the weight gain won't stop. Two, the last month or two I've been finding clothes here and there that won't fit anymore.

So, last night, I went through every article of clothing in my closet and tried it all on. I ended up with two totes of stuff for the Salvation Army. I don't mind getting rid of stuff that I wasn't wearing to help those who don't have as much as I do, but almost ALL of my favorite stuff went into that pile. My black goth halter from Hot Topic, (I couldn't even get the thing zipped half way. The last time I wore it, I had to have help to get into it.), my favorite ripped blue jeans, and my slinky "vampiric" skirt that my ex bought me from an expensive store in the mall. I also had to get rid of all my short skirts except one. The "school girl" skirt I had, I couldn't even get past my hips, let alone zip it and wear in public. On second thought, that one's okay, because my ex loved that one and he just seemed to have an alarmingly increasing liking of young characteristics. And it wasn't designed for that sort of thing, it was decent.

So, enough mourning over the clothes I cannot wear anymore, I still have plenty to wear, and now the salvation army will have some more things to hand out. That's always the best part, knowing I am helping others. That's a total of TEN totes from my closet in the last month or so. That's crazy the amount of clothing that I had.

So, dear readers, enough about me, (I'm sure this is a book by now!). What are your thoughts on healthy eating? Do you have any favorite recipes or favorite food websites you would like to share?

Also, do you have any suggestions how to keep us all motivated to lose the weight and get healthy?

Isn't it great?

A WHOLE glorious weekend off, where I don't have to change out of my PJ's or step out of the house. *knock on wood! Three times at least..)

That is all. I have nothing really new to share, just wanted to mention my happiness of not having to leave the house.

Woot!

Sleeping rather soon...

It is Christmas Eve...scratch that...it is now Christmas Day. I am going to crash quite soon, but I thought I would do some writing first.

*If one more pop-ad comes up while I am typing.. I think I will scream..*

Lately, it seems like days are dragging by and speeding by at the same exact time. Have you ever had that sensation, dear reader? Time is just rushing by way too quickly for my taste..but while I am going through my day, it seems to drag by.. odd, and VERY hard to describe~

Tonight, at 6:00, the dungeon was officially closed for the only day out of the year that it does so. WOOT! My schedule for the next week totally rocks, I must say. I have tomorrow off, (of course,) work Friday.. and then I have the weekend off. I work Monday-Wednesday, and then have Thursday off. Rock on!

I am so sleepy.. I should crash into my four poster comfy bed behind me very soon.

I did hear from Josh a few days ago, FINALLY! I've been trying to call him and text him for a few weeks.. and I finally got a few (rather disturbing) texts from him. But, at least I know he's alive and able to respond if I bug him enough. I really hope I get to see him on his visit home. We have had our reunion evening planned out for months!! (For you readers that don't know.. Josh is my best friend of over 18 years, and he has served several years in Iraq. He's an awesome guy, and keeps my faith in the opposite sex sometimes lol.

I am getting sleepier with every keystroke, so I think I will sign off for the night..

Peace.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night!

What a long, long day it has been.. I hope to get in a nice, relaxing shower.. and perhaps blog about something.. but I don't know yet..

I do want to wish all of my lovely readers a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! May you get all that you want, and lots of pretty, shiny things (if you are a woman like me! :P)

Again..

I must vent my frustrations out about my computer.

I apologize.

But.. my computer might be an untimely end by being attacked by a manicure tool. Or by sudden impact on the icy interstate just a few houses from where I now sit, fighting with the stupid thing to do the simplest tasks such as checking my e-mail, blogging, or checking on MaryKay orders..

*Insert frustrated, going insane scream here*

There. Isn't this the part where I am supposed to feel a bit better?

It didn't work.

Any other ideas, dear reader? What would be some creative ways to take out my frustrations out against this computer, which is clearly the spawn of evil?

Happy X-mas!

One of the times of the year is upon us in the blogosphere when many bloggers come to together to write about the same thing: the holiday season.

This is my contribution to this year's Christmas 'vault'. I think the message within the song is still relevant to today's situation, and we should reflect on what we as individuals, and as a nation want to accomplish in the new year starting now. I mean, how are we supposed to be happy with how things are if we don't know what it is we want exactly, let alone getting it?



Happy X-Mas, my dear readers!

Rock It!

I absolutely MUST share with you my newest music addiction, dear readers!

In recent months, I have become a 'Drake & Josh' television addict. I absolutely LOVE that show, it has moved it's way to the top two of my favorite shows. (Only topped by M*A*S*H, of course. Actually..more like they are tied for the number one spot,but...anywhoodle.)

Yes, Yes.. I am fully aware that I am watching a Nickelodeon show, rated Y7, and I am 24 years old. But have you ever SEEN that show?? It's more hilarious than many, many of the adult sitcoms that I've seen. The humor is great, and it isn't filled with countless adult references, violence and all that stuff that laces things meant for adults to enjoy. It's refreshing. So there. I challenge you to catch an episode, (or twelve.)

Onward.

Drake Bell is on that show, and he does a lot of singing/song writing/guitar playing on the show. And he's good.

And he is my newest music addiction. If I was a pre-teen girl, and the show had just come out, I admit I would have the biggest crush on him and I'm pretty sure my walls be plastered with posters and pictures from TeenBop magazine.(Do they still even make that thing??) Alas, my era was Hanson and Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears and Christina Aquilira. (People's debuts that today's teens would not even remember!)But no, I have a perfectly nice, innocent adult liking of his music.

Check it out. I included a link to a few of his songs on playlist.com for your listening pleasure. My favorite Drake Bell song thus far is track 5, Golden Days... let me know what you think!

Random Letters

Dear Ex-boyfriend,
I just wanted to take this opportunity to tell you a few brief things. First of all, thank you for showing me your true colors. Second, no matter how you said you wanted to give me everything, I must say that money is NOT everything and neither are material goods. I didn't get what I ultimately wanted, which was you. Which brings me to the final point: Unfortunately, love does NOT conquer all.

Sincerely,
A hurt but head-strong ex

Dear Josh,(best friend of 18 years),
Thank you for showing me time and time again what a true friend is all about. I don't know what I would have done without you growing up, and I don't know what I would do without you in my life now. You are the best! (Now, call me or else! I am worried since I haven't heard from you in two weeks!)

Love,
Your biggest fan

Dear STUPID doorbell commercials,
I don't know if you know this, but your commercials make my household edgy every time you play them. With every holiday commercial that starts with a loud DING DONG, my little doggy goes berserk and runs around in frantic circles. It takes the next five minutes to calm her down, after I stop what I am doing and let her look out the window to re-assure her yet again that there is no one there. I am sure you got a laugh out of designing those stupid thirty seconds of havoc wrecking good cheer, but I haven't yet. AND I have yet to find out what you are attempting to sell, so I don't know who to blame for the travesty!

Love,
A very aggravated non-consumer

Dear High School Art Teacher,
I am sure you don't remember me, but I wanted to thank you for believing in me and my artistic abilities during the four years that I tried to take and re-take every art class that you taught. And for spending countless hours during study hall and after school helping me get my projects 'just right'. You helped me foster my love of art ever since.
Love,
A fond student that you probably don't remember

Dear entire male species,
I must say, although I believe in gender equality and all that jazz, you can keep certain areas of life. Say for instance, snow shoveling. I am more than happy to continue being the cocoa girl than pushing around that yucky, freezing cold snow any day. Or anything having to do with dirt for that matter, (unless it's a garden). And on the other hand, I will gladly cook something for you if you are tired or need pampering.
Shiverly,
A freezing female counterpart

It's all about the Twitter..

I took a short break from cleaning/organizing and checked my mail/blog. And ended up at twitter.com. For those readers who don't know anything about it, it's a site you can keep a real-time status going about what you are doing or thinking. I am going to give a shot, and invite all my readers to come find me there. To make your search short and sweet, I included my link below:

http://twitter.com/kirkwood_chic

...Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming and my cleaning/purging of unneeded items!!

Six things..

It's two o'clock in the morning, and I should have been asleep HOURS ago.. instead, I find myself motivated to blog. That hasn't happened much lately, however, I got 'tagged' by Cyndi for a blog topic titled, 'Six things that make me happy'.

So, here we go..in no particular order!

1.) Music

2.) Family

3.) My puppy

4.) Curling up under a warm blanket with a hot cocoa on a cold winter's night in front of the fireplace

5.) Helping others

6.) Shopping


And there you have it. Six things that make me happy. Notice the lack of technology on the list..my stupid computer is being a pain in the butt, and it took me over an hour to write this very short entry due to the fact it's all slow and goofed up.. I am now signing off before I throw it out the window or teach it a lesson with a hammer!!

Good night all..

My dear readers, you were right...*mobile blog*

Yes, I admit it.

My loyal readers were absolutely on the ball, and I didn't fully believe you.

About what you ask? Well, a few entries ago, I had the urge to call Jeff, but didn't know if he'd want to talk to me. I didn't call, but i did text and..nothing.

Ah, well, his loss don't you think?

Is Yours Fulfilling?

Everywhere you look, people seem to have vastly different ideas what it means to have a 'rich' and 'fulfilled' life. From large houses and SUV's to having the latest gadgets. For many decades now, American's, (at least,) have been running the impossible race of keeping up with the Jones'.

And for what? Do large houses and fancy TV recorders really make you happier than if you didn't have those things? If they do, than more power to you. But if not, what are you really living for?

Or dying for? I've been thinking about that poor man in New York that got trampled at a Wal*Mart on Black Friday last week. He lost his life so that people could be the first to grab the best deals on cheap plastic crap.

Seriously. What are we doing to ourselves as a nation? We wonder why children are increasingly screaming, 'Gimme Gimme Gimme! I want THAT!' and then having temper tantrums when the parents tell them no. Many people have the same exact mind processes, and the children are just mimicking what they see and hear.

I think a happy and full life does not have to be a materialistic one. I don't care about having oodles of money and tons of electronic gizmo's cluttering my house. I don't need fancy bling and a shiny car.

I want the basics. Love and happiness. Peace and Harmony. I want someone that will hold me through good times and bad, and tell me that it's all going to be alright. I want a happy marriage and a little rugrat or two someday. I want my MaryKay business to be successful and help others feel better about themselves. I want my family to be healthy and happy, and my friends to have the lives that they want.

I am beginning to get on the right track to get these things. I am slowly disentangling myself from the retail dungeon that I have been slaving for the past six years, and becoming my own boss~slowly and tentatively, but it's going to happen.

As I think about these things, I can see that as much as Jeff still means to me, it's amazing that we lasted as long as we did. Money and the wanting of more and more on his part is what was at the root of the problems he had~even if he didn't/doesn't realize it. He kept telling me that he wanted to make me happy and give me all that I wanted. However, he failed to ask me or believe me when I told him what I thought about money and what made me happy in regards to it.

The truth is: I could care less about money, as long as I have enough to survive, I am happy.

What about you, dear readers?

What would make you happiest in life?

What do you like best about your life?

What do you want to change or are changing about things?

Saved by the proverbial bell

I almost called him this morning.

Yes, Jeff's number is still in my phone. I got as far as opening my contact list window, and before I could go any further, I was interrupted by traffic pulling out in front of me~saved by a Ford pickup instead of the proverbial bell?

I know he said he wasn't going to talk to me again if I didn't answer his ultimatum in the time limit that I didn't meet. But I wanted to hear his voice.

Not a good idea I know, believe me.

I wonder if he has had the same urge to call me that he has suppressed?

Technology is Annoying Sometimes, I Swear! *mobile blog*

I think my computer files are screwed. I went to turn on my computer this morning, and it started just fine and dandy. However, after it booted up, all my desktop files were invisible, my start bar was gone,(not hiding,) and I had a hard time getting my browser open. GRRR.. So, I think I may have to quick restore it tonight-or whatever they call it today. And all of my music, photos, and documents will be gone. Anyone have any ideas for me, so I might be able to keep all of the stuff i have on there?

R.I.P. John

It says it all. I've been a John Lennon/Beatles fan ever since I was a toddler, and wanted to make my own (rather small) tribute to the legendary man, as I do every year.

Twenty-eight years later, and he still has legions of fans around the world. Amazing.

I am so tired..*mobile blog*

..of my OCD. And I only have what? Seventy, eighty years left to deal with it? Sometimes I think I am crazy, but I think we all do at one time or another.

I always have to check things that potentially conduct heat, at least three times....(as one example, there are many more things I must do three times before I can leave the house with any peace of mind. And it seems to be getting worse as time goes on.)

Class is starting now.. must go.

Does anyone else have anything else AT ALL like this, that they experience?

Deadbeat Fathers

Every time I see my father, I am reminded of this blog entry that I wrote awhile back. And, although it's a year and half old, it still applies to everything I feel towards my father today.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

First written:

Saturday, March 31, 2007

I just rewatched an episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Aire that hits very close to home. Before you groan about the show, which I love, this is a very serious episode that makes me actually start to cry, especially with the ending scene. Before going any further, here's the episode recap:

Originally aired: Monday May 9, 1994 on NBC

Will's natural father shows up out of the blue. While Will is thrilled Phillip and Viv are suspicious. Spending a few fun days with his father, Will can't see him for what he really is and begins to believe in him again. After having a few fun times with Will his father has to hit the road again and promises h e will be back for Will to go with him. When he leaves without Will, Will realizes that his uncle Phil is the real man in his life.

The script from the final scene that I found thankfully on Google that really makes it hit home because it is EXACTLY how I feel and describes my relationship with my own absent father, down the the number of years he was completely out of contact:

Will: Hey, you no what, you ain't got to do nothing, uncle Phil. You know, ain't like I'm still five years old, you know? Ain't like I'm be sitting every night asking my mom "when's daddy coming home," you know? Who needs 'em? Hey, he wasn't there to teach me how to shoot my first basket, but I learned it, didn't I? And I got pretty damn g ood at it too, didn't I, uncle Phil?
Phil: Yeah, you did.
Will: Got to do my first date without 'em, right? I learned how to ride, I learned how to shave, I learned how to fight without 'em. I had fourteen great birthdays without him; he never even sent me a damn card. THE HELL WITH HIM!! (pause) I didn't need 'em then I won't need 'em now.
Phil: Will,...
Will: No, you know what, uncle Phil? I'm get through college without him, I'm get a great job without him, I'm marry me a beautiful honey and I'm having a whole bunch of kids. I'm be a better father than he ever was. And I sure as hell don't need him for that, 'cause it ain't a DAMN THING HE CAN EVER TEACH ME ABOUT HOW LOVE MY KIDS! (long pause) How come he don't want me, man?


My father was, and is, a complete loser for me. I managed to have him off and on the first few years of my life, when he dropped off the planet it seemed. Fourteen years later, and two or three secretly mailed letters from myself to him during middle school, I got a letter from him saying 'time flies huh ? I always MEANT TO call or write, but didn't have the chance.' Turns out that the same time I lost my father's attention and love, he remarried and two other little girls got the love from my father that was MINE. His wife (now ex) found my letters hidden in his drawer while doing some spur of the moment spring cleaning and told him he needed to contact me. That was six years ago, and our relationship has been sporadic at best. Last time I talked to him, I thought I would call him to tell him I was in a minor accident, and he didn't even ask if I was okay. All he said was 'well you learned a lesson didn't you'?

Yeah, I learned a lesson alright. I don't have my father's love, never have, and never will. My mom's ex fiancee was more of a father to me then my own ever was. My childhood best friend's father was more of a father to me, and my neighbor's father was.

But why am I denied my own father's love???

A moment of wonderful closure..

..what could be more appropriate for me, then to obtain closure on my past relationship through music?

It comes in the shape of Taylor Swift's, "Picture to Burn" song/video. I am actually fighting a losing battle of exhaustion as I type this, but I thought it was an important breakthrough for me to announce that the latest romantic chapter of my life has officially ended, and I have made a pact with myself not to think about those 2.5 years with him or him in general any more and to move on to new people and/or new experiences.

To celebrate, dear readers, here it is. The one, the only, Taylor Swift and her music video for "Picture to Burn". I love this song, (and singing along with it when no one is around!)