Random Letters

Dear Ex-boyfriend,
I just wanted to take this opportunity to tell you a few brief things. First of all, thank you for showing me your true colors. Second, no matter how you said you wanted to give me everything, I must say that money is NOT everything and neither are material goods. I didn't get what I ultimately wanted, which was you. Which brings me to the final point: Unfortunately, love does NOT conquer all.

Sincerely,
A hurt but head-strong ex

Dear Josh,(best friend of 18 years),
Thank you for showing me time and time again what a true friend is all about. I don't know what I would have done without you growing up, and I don't know what I would do without you in my life now. You are the best! (Now, call me or else! I am worried since I haven't heard from you in two weeks!)

Love,
Your biggest fan

Dear STUPID doorbell commercials,
I don't know if you know this, but your commercials make my household edgy every time you play them. With every holiday commercial that starts with a loud DING DONG, my little doggy goes berserk and runs around in frantic circles. It takes the next five minutes to calm her down, after I stop what I am doing and let her look out the window to re-assure her yet again that there is no one there. I am sure you got a laugh out of designing those stupid thirty seconds of havoc wrecking good cheer, but I haven't yet. AND I have yet to find out what you are attempting to sell, so I don't know who to blame for the travesty!

Love,
A very aggravated non-consumer

Dear High School Art Teacher,
I am sure you don't remember me, but I wanted to thank you for believing in me and my artistic abilities during the four years that I tried to take and re-take every art class that you taught. And for spending countless hours during study hall and after school helping me get my projects 'just right'. You helped me foster my love of art ever since.
Love,
A fond student that you probably don't remember

Dear entire male species,
I must say, although I believe in gender equality and all that jazz, you can keep certain areas of life. Say for instance, snow shoveling. I am more than happy to continue being the cocoa girl than pushing around that yucky, freezing cold snow any day. Or anything having to do with dirt for that matter, (unless it's a garden). And on the other hand, I will gladly cook something for you if you are tired or need pampering.
Shiverly,
A freezing female counterpart