So...yeah... the theme song of my life

LyricsHanson - �strong enough to break lyrics

What a weekend!

My constant readers should know by now that music is essential to me, and I use it to illustrate a specific point or describe something that is going on with me, whether it is mentally, emotionally or else wise.

Tonight is no different. (I apologize if you were hoping for a change, save those hopes for election day, and just roll with me here! :P)

I think this past weekend could be summed up with a particular song, and that would be Toby Keith's 'You Shouldn't Kiss Me Like This'.

(I tried finding a link for the music video on You Tube, but all of them were disabled.. grrr)

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Anyway, yes. It was a weekend I will be thinking about for quite awhile to come.

My Friday was like every other Friday I have. I worked, came home, took a long, hot, relaxing, candlelight shower. I curled up in bed, exhausted shortly before nine and fell asleep. I woke up to a knock at my door. It was someone I hadn't seen in FAR to long.

Jeff was standing at my doorstep. I was half-asleep, so I didn't give him all the kisses that he deserved, but I sure tried. It was so good to see him again.

(Good lord, let me tell you. It's freaking distracting to see Kimmy's steamy messages about her beau popping up on the corner of my screen while I am trying to type this! But, at least she's fulfilled.. I know she's going to kill me for this interruption of my own blog!!! Love ya hun!!)

ANYWAY.

He didn't stay for long on Friday night, I had to get up super-duper early, and work from 7-4. I was going to go over to see him and K & M after I came home, took a shower, and got ready.. but after I got off from work I ended up taking my brother to the emergency room, and we didn't get out of there until about 6:30 or so. Then, I rushed home, hopped in and out of the shower.. and went over there.

We went downstairs and had some rather..heated..discussion about what we were going to go eat and do for the evening, and then headed out to Burger King. I haven't ate out in FOREVER it seems, I had a whopper, fries, Diet Coke, and a YUMMY piece of pie. Jeff had already eaten with K&M, so he just got a soda.

Then we headed back and watched V for Vendetta, and curled up tight. It was a wonderful evening, even with it's late start.

I had to work 10-7 on Sunday, blech.. checked most of the time. I hate checking, and I hate the fact that they are yanking me up there every freakin' chance that they get. (But I try to remind myself that it's a piece of cake compared to what Joshua and the other troops have to face each and every day overseas.)

I also try to remind myself that I am working to get myself out of there, and permanently. Speaking of which, I ordered my business cards for my MaryKay business, did I mention that before? I can't wait for them to arrive. I had another meeting with Lynn last night, and we went over a few aspects of running the business part of things, and I feel really good and excited about it!

Speaking of feeling good, after work on Sunday, I got to see Jeff again. I ate dinner over there, and then we decided to go see Quarantine. We had been wanting to see that, and the last showing was at ten o'clock, so we made it in time.

(I'll write another entry about THAT particular movie.. it was...horrific.....)

We fit in a lot more intimacy after we arrived back there, and watched Constantine. THAT was a good movie, I hadn't seen it before.

And we kissed.

And cuddled.

And kissed some more.

That's ALL the details about that particular aspect of the weekend that you are getting, dear reader. The rest are for us to know, and you...well, not to know.

Anyway.

He had to go back on Monday, and I threatened to kidnap him and keep him in the trunk of my car.. for some reason, he didn't think that was feasible. I don't understand, why? I would've fed him, and made air holes for him, and everything! Jeez..some people, I tell you!!

He is a wonderful, sweet, loving and caring man.. and proved that once again before he left town on Monday. I wasn't expecting to see him before he went back. Hoping, yes..expecting, no.

But, I was working in the back with my bins and stuff, when JoAnn came back and told me I had a visitor. It was Jeff coming to tell me good-bye before he left. (I snuck in a kiss before he left.. ooohhh!)

Low budget sometimes DOES equal goodness!

I was going to catch up my lovely readers with the wonderful, but rather way too short weekend I had...but just as I was sitting down to write this breathtaking and mesmerizing blog, I was sent a link.

For a video.

A freakin' forty-five minute video.

Now, I am free with the knowledge that I do NOT have the attention span to sit ANYWHERE for the length of a half-hour sitcom show, (with commercials,) let alone anything longer. But since it was Jeff that asked..(told).. me too.. I undertook the task at hand, and made myself sit, staring at the oddly 3-D (but really 2-D) monitor of my p.o.s. computer, for the entirety of the time.

And I did.

And I liked it.

And I even had a lollipop :) (Come on, we are all adults here, but who doesn't like to suck (A LOLLIPOP!!) every once in awhile?) I forgot how much I like them. Which reminds me, dear reader.. don't forget to tell me to tell you (say that three times fast!) about the weirdo guy that was staring at me from the third floor window of the old Cyber-Cafe while I was studying.

Weirdo.

Anywhoo.

Before I got so rudely interrupted by myself, I was trying to get around to telling you what the video was that distracted me from my wonderfully dull blog and my wonderfully interesting readers.

It's called Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. Have you heard about this thing?

Neither had I. Apparently it was made during the writer's strike, and made very low-budget. The main character is actually Neil Patrick Harris, who was Doogie Howser, M.D. (Remember that old show??)

My review? Not too shabby. Much better than some of the high-tech, high cost films that we now have to pay 17.00 dollars for a pair of tickets to see.

That reminds me, dear reader. Remind me to tell you about 'Quarantine'. I'd give it a pass if you were at ALL squeamish at Horror movies, and even if you love movies such as ''The Devil's Rejects'' and 'Halloween'.

The link? Oh yeah, you must have that! Don't forget a bag of pop-corn and a tall drink! Let me know what you think of it, if you actually watch it all the way through! (Even if you don't, leave something to read anyway!)

Bouncing all around the place...

Quite a week, it has been.

Long, but boring for the most part. However, the fun is just starting.. I hope.

*ponders* Where to start, where to start?


Yes, I know the beginning is always a great place to start.. but my mind jumps around anyway, so why not start somewhere..say in the middle?

Not that there is much to tell anyway, but the middle is an awesome place to start.... (ummm...lost track of my thought there.. thanks Kimmy for your IM window distracting me! Tsk Tsk!)

Last Thursday, I had a Mary-Kay facial care consultation with a lady that also works at the Dungeon with me. I ended up splurging on some nice makeup for myself, and a lip care kit. Then.. I had an idea plague my thoughts all weekend. What if I started selling Mary-Kay myself? I could build up my own business like I've always wanted, and eventually have a way to support myself without having to work at the dungeon.

I thought about it, and thought about it. (For those that I've told about this new endeavor and who weren't too thrilled nor happy sounding for me, move on a few paragraphs so I don't hear your groaning!! It's a chance for me to do something that I really like and too help people buy what makes them look and feel better. So...shush!)

Resuming....And on Tuesday, I submitted my contract and placed my order for my initial Mary-Kay Sales Kit. How freakin' exciting is that??

Lynn, my sponsor, told me it should arrive by the middle of next week.. won't she be surprised when I email her and tell her it's HERE already?? WOOHOO!!! My business cards/kit should be arriving in the next week or two.

So, that's good news :)

(The interstate is REALLY loud tonight.. jeepers! It sounds like they are moving the road to go right through my bedroom or something..)

Onto other good news: Jeff is arriving in town tomorrow evening for a weekend visit with Kirk and Marsha. I'll get to see him a few times, so that's good news..I think.

Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to see him. And kiss him. (Because, that is inevitable, to be honest with you, dear reader.)

I know where that will leave me on Tuesday. Lost even more than I am now. But still totally worth it, in my opinion.

So, he will be here from tomorrow night to either Monday or Tuesday.

Yes. I am still madly in love with him, just in case you were wondering..

Anywho.

I must admit, I was a bit of a bad girl on Tuesday..not in that way! I played hooky from classes. I know, I know.. shame on me. But I needed a day to myself. Besides, my psychology class was canceled, and we were just going to work independently in my accounting class anyway, so I didn't need to be there. I could study accounting here in the comfort of my home, and not have to change out of my pajamas! (Which I didn't.)

Are you still awake and reading this, dear reader? I really wouldn't blame you if you lost interest tonight.. not when I did the same exact thing a few times in writing! Leave me some love, and then class is done for the day :)

Sound bits of advice?

Thanks to HallMark, we have access to greeting cards for every occasion...whether it is breaking up or making up, new births or saddening death, or just because.

There is also sayings for everything you could ever possibly want a saying for. From Bible quotation for you religious folk, to adult comedy and every thing that falls in between.

There's the ever popular, "The best way to get over one guy is too get under another."

Is it just me, or is soooo many females saying that now-a-days? I was involved in a break-up with my boyfriend last summer, and I was told this this nugget of wisdom countless times. Is that really the norm for women today?

Don't worry, I dismissed the idea. Perhaps it was contemplated...a few times.. but I ended up dismissing it on grounds of morals and all that good-girl stuff.

Another saying that I have had bouncing around my head for awhile is, "Never make a man a priority when he considers you an option."

I'm trying to decide if it applies to me in any way or not. Why else would it keep bouncing around like a mad person in a rubber room if it didn't? (**echoes of Larry the Cable Guy, "Lord I apologize for that one right there..."**)

What do you think, Dear Reader? Is either one of these quotes a sound bit of advice?

All You Need Is Love in a Revolution..

Yes, I could be considered a music hippie out of my time, but I have always loved The Beatles. John Lennon, of course, being my favorite.

I can remember the first time I ever heard them. I was four or five, and my best friend Amber had one of those plastic children's record players. Her parents had bought her a record with 'Yellow Submarine', and they played it one evening when I was staying over.

That night a music love was born. I have listened to their music on a regular basis and snag up records whenever I can, (and any other memorabilia pertaining to them that I can afford. Unfortunately, that's not much.)

I will forever be a Beatles fan. The video at the top of this entry is an original performance of The Beatles, 'Revolution'. I didn't realize just how many takes of the same performance there are. The first one I found was the best, but the embedding was disabled, so after another fifteen minutes of searching I bring you this copy.

One of my all-time favorite Beatles songs....Enjoy!

(As a closing thought, I have included another Beatles video, for those who don't like the tones and thoughts of 'Revolution'.) This performance is 'All You Need Is Love', and if people actually thought about the sentiments in this song, perhaps it would be all that we needed.

Long and Mindnumbing..

I know, I know.. it's been a few days since I've blogged anything 'real-life'. Don't hurt me! Wait.. um.. do..no.. NEVER MIND! That's a whole another topic!

*steers the conversation in a 180*

It's definately been a long, mind numbing week. Where to start, where to start?

Let's see. After I wrote my blog entry, 'History of Relationships'
, I thought I would see what Myron was up to. That was, if I could find him on myspace. Because, amazingly enough, not everyone has myspace. (I know, utter craziness, right?)

I did find his profile, and sent a friend request. I waited a week, and then figured that he didn't want to talk or never used his myspace page. (In my mind, probably the former.) But, lo and behold, (ooooohhh, I've always liked that phrase and finally got to use it!), a few days ago I got the update that he accepted my friend request and so I sent him a quick message. We've been talking off and on, catching up. So, that's pretty cool. He lives in Doha Qatar. We may talk back and forth for awhile, which I don't think I would mind in the slightest. He might come back to the states this holiday season...

And onto other news.. Jeff is coming into town next weekend! I have no idea how this is going to go, and how things will turn out. He's staying with Kirk and Marsha, and we will see each other while he is here. I think that is good news, don't you?

Last night I had a Mary-Kay 'class' with a co-worker, and it may just be the push I need. I just wrote a quick blog about it here: A possible career change


This entry is no particular time order, I must confess. But it may make for interesting reading that way? (Or so I could hope.)

Tuesday night, I think it was, Jimmy and I hung out for a few hours and watched TV. We caught most of the 2nd Crow movie.. City of Something-of-other.. I LOVED it. I want the set of movies. I've never seen them before, but that will change as soon as I buy them.

Also, this week, I was acting department manager, because JoAnn was on vacation. I didn't get any mods done though, and the price changes were late when I finally got to them this morning, but I did what I could, being just myself and Karen.

Hm. I think that is all there is for this week.

OOOOOHHHH yeah, one more thing. (If you aren't asleep yet, from reading this, dear reader?). Let me give you a tip of the day. Washing machines and cell phones do NOT mix. Wednesday night, I was soooo tired. I figured that I would stay up and start my last load of laundry so it would all be done together. Two hours later, I looked around and asked myself... "Now where is my cell phone?" Then, it dawned on me.. and a string of expletives followed me to the laundry room, where I opened the washer and immediately saw my cell phone in the bottom of the drum. Good news is that I have cell phone insurance, so a new phone is on it's way. Bad news is that they didn't have any more of my model in red :(. But, I am getting a Sony model instead, which sounds better than a Samsung. So.. the lesson to learn is Don't wash your cell phone, it doesn't like water. (Just in case you might've forgotten that small fact...)

A possible career change..

I've been in retail for over six years now, and I love helping people find what they want and performing my basic departmental manager duties. However, working for a large retail chain has began to drive me batty. I've been wishing for my own business, but know I don't have the money to start out a full new business right away.

I would love to branch out and do my own thing, selling things and helping people feel better about themselves.

Anyway, here's the deal: I was approached by a co-worker of mine about becoming a Mary-Kay Sales representative..I've been thinking about that particular thing for awhile anyway, and what I would love is your input on it. All I need is 125 dollars for the sales kit, and I can stock up on inventory as I go. (I can make back that much in what I'll be saving on their products.)

Do you think that I should step out and begin selling their products, with the goal of making that my career after I make enough regularly every month to tell my current job where they can go?

What is wrong with me?

I haven't felt well/good at all the last few days (more than usual). I even left work two hours into my shift. (ME. I NEVER call in sick or leave early. It's that darn work ethic, getting in the way, I guess.)

Music doesn't even energize me or motivate me right now. Usually, to get going in the morning, all I have to manage to do is start my morning play list,(I yack about it here,) and I'm off.

Not this morning. I played it, and during all four songs, all I managed to do was get dressed. And just basic dressing of clothes, not my jewelry.

I thought I would try a different song that always gets me moving along, but no avail. I just sat here. (Carrie Underwood's 'Before He Cheats' if you are interested, dear reader.)

What the heck is the matter with me lately?? Even when I am sick, music gets me moving at least a little bit. I was going to try to be at work in four minutes, but that's not going to happen. Maybe I'll make it by nine thirty, I'll write to you more later, dear reader..

Countdown Challenge

I have to thank Shauna, one of my favorite bloggers for this particular idea. Here is my personal countdowns, and items in each category are in NO particular order...

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People Right Now:

10. I never really wanted to date you, it was your brother. Dating you was the BIGGEST mistake of my life, you psycho freak.
9. I don't know if I could ever forgive you completely for not being there when I was growing up, and giving two other girls the daddy that I should have had.
8. Thank you for being there for me while we were younger. You were and are the best friend that I could ever ask for!
7. You talk way too DAMN MUCH!
6. I wish I could be as hot as you, and you have two gorgeous angels to boot!
5. Come to me, Come to me, Come to me!!!!!!!!!!
4. I want to kiss you. Badly. Right now. (Even though I can't, and I know that.)
3. Get up off your ass and do what you should be doing, you need to learn how to do things like a responsible adult!
2. Thank you for being there for me when my father abandoned us. I wouldn't be who I am today, without you.
1. Take this job and shove it!

Nine Things About Myself:
9. I HATE mornings, and can never get up on time. I hit my alarm for more than a hour every morning..
8. Driving anywhere terrifies me.
7. I have OCD. Never been diagnosed professionally, but I have to check everything three times before I can leave the house. Crazy, perhaps? Necessary, yes.
6. I love music. I can't live without it playing. I breathe it, it's a part of me. Music is my passion.
5. I can't sing worth a darn. However, if I could, I would quit my job, and sing professionally. I can memorize almost any song three times through it.
4. I can't look at a single animal without going, 'Awwww...' and wanting to take it home. I wish I could take in every stray that I hear about.
3. I love a clean house, but I hate cleaning.
2. The thought of fire taking over my house paralyzes me.
1. I have a really nice bumm..


Eight Ways To Win My Heart:
8. Play with my hair.
7. Think of me in small ways that really matter. (Like bringing me a flower, or calling me when I am not feeling well.)
6. Make me laugh.
5. Sing to me. Especially if you have a sexy voice.
4. Dance with me out of the blue.
3. Don't lie, cheat or steal. If you do, don't tell me.
2. Be romantic.
1. Did I mention, play with my hair?


Seven Things That Cross My Mind A Lot:
7. Did I leave the stove on?
6. What about my flat-iron, is that on?
5. Do I have to go to work again TODAY?
4. Why won't these balances equal out?!?!? *staring at my accounting spreadsheets*
3. Welcome to Wal-Mart, get your shit and get out! (Courtesy of Jeff Dunham and Walter!)
2. I cannot wait for Josh to be back home!!
1. Does fate always have to be so mean with love?


Six Things I Do Before I Fall Asleep:
6. Play Tetris
5. Take a long shower
4. Check my email
3. Drink a hot tea/cocoa
2. Surf the net
1. play with my puppy

Five People Who Mean A Lot:
5. My family (That's more than five :P)
4. Josh
3. Jeff
2. Kimmy
1. Cloudy (my puppy, but she counts anyway!)


Four Things I'm Wearing:
4. Black leather Jacket
3. Cream Color sweater
2. Blue Jeans
1. Red bra/panties

Three Songs I Listen To Often or 3 Bands/Artists:
3. Kid Rock, (Too Hot, All Summer Long, Cowboy..)
2. Trace Adkins, (Honkytonkbadonkadonk, Ladies Love Country Boys, Game On)
1. Toby Keith, (Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue, Should've Been A Cowboy)

Two Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
2. Have children and have the opportunity to raise them.
1. Travel.

One Confession:
1. This wasn't near as hard as I thought it would be!


Again, thank you Shauna!! This was very enlightening, and I got to get a few things out of my head as a bonus! If any of my dear readers do this particular challenge, please leave me the link so I can check it out!

Strong Enough To Break

"Strong Enough To Break"

I don't feel myself today
Just a figure in a big monopoly game
Struggle is the price you pay
You get just enough just to give it away
I'm sinking but I'm floating away
Throw me a line so I can anchor my pain
The fabric is about to fray
The fabric is about to fray

Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately
Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately
Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately

Things keep coming and I keep wondering
I start feeling the walls close in
Things keep coming and I keep stumbling
I start feeling I'm strong enough to break
Oh, I start feeling I'm strong enough to break

Been running through my mind today
Scenarios to add to your hypocrisy
No one ever takes the blame
But everyone is searching for a cure to the pain
Nothing ever seems to change
Oh, nothing ever seems to change
We just play like broken records in a deaf man's charade

Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately
Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately
Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately

Things keep coming and I keep wondering
I start feeling the walls close in
Things keep coming and I keep stumbling
I start feeling I'm strong enough to break
Oh, I start feeling I'm strong enough to break

Carry on just a pawn and the same old song
I'm still holding on

The fabric is about to fray

Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately
Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately

Things keep coming and I keep wondering
I start feeling the walls close in
Things keep coming and I keep stumbling
I start feeling I'm strong enough
Things keep coming and I keep wondering
I start feeling the walls close in
Things keep coming and I keep stumbling
I start feeling I'm strong enough to break
Oh, I start feeling I'm strong enough to break

((Sorry, about the audio quality.. but it's the best I could find. No, they don't lisp like that, relax and lay off the Hanson comments, okay? I'm really not in the mood, just a fair warning dear reader.))

This song really reflects how I feel right now. I just thought I would pass it along to you, it's really a good song. One of my favorites actually by them.



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The video comment kindly left by my reader-Lady_Moonlight. The audio is MUCH better here.... enjoy!

Invisible quicksand, raising ever so slightly...

I miss him. I mean more than just friends missing friends.

I can't have him. I know this, and it's quite clear that nothing has changed.

But that doesn't lead to a change in my feelings. I want him, need him, can't have him.

But, damn it, I want him and to be his forever..

That doesn't help me decide in the slightest where to go from here. It seems as if I can't go forward, yet I can't go back.

I feel like I am stuck in a invisible quicksand..not exactly drowning, at least not yet, but unable to change my position.

I'm at a loss of words to describe how I am, emotionally and over-all. (I know, right? Dear reader, I bet you are thinking, 'Wow.. it must be serious. A loss of words from the blogger who writes books? AMAZING.'

But I am. I don't have any clue where to begin sorting things out and expressing myself. And that's not good. How do I expect myself to be heard to those who need to hear, and make possible changes if I can't articulate myself to them?

(What a fancy word, articulate. It's one of my favorites, I think. What a nerd I am..)

Dear reader, do you have any ideas how I might make my way around the roadblock in my mind?

Also..do you have any words you especially like? (CLEAN! Not dirty! Be nice here.. but tell me what you like best in the English (or non-English) English..Definitions would be great as well, if it's a lesser known word..we could all stand to learn a new thing once and awhile, I think!)


Oh.. I feel so lost...