I'm back...I think..

..but don't hold me to it.

I know, I know, it's been AGES since I have blogged last. I've been thinking about it, but I never quite get as far as opening my blogging window and writing something.

Two weeks since Jeff gave his ultimatum and I failed it (in his eyes.) But..I figure, self centered as it may be, that it is his loss. Don't get me wrong..I miss him and love him.. but I have to look out for my own wants and desires since, apparently, no one else will.

Josh is back in the states! That is cause for excitement. For you readers who don't know, Josh is my best friend of 18 years and was on his fifth tour of Iraq. He is 'home' for probably another month or so. I haven't gotten to see him yet, he hasn't made it to Iowa. He went back home to his family who now live in Illinois for a few days, then had to go back to North Carolina for the rest of the checkout process. And then he's coming to Iowa to see me. Woohoo!! We already have the plans all set, he's going to stay at a motel in Cedar Rapids, and getting me a room as well. We are going to go out to eat, and then sit up ALL night, (until we can't stay awake,) talking. (Yes, just talking.. we are best friends, not dating. We are not interested in dating, we don't want to wreck the friendship we have.)

Let's see, what else is there...? On the school front, I got my term paper back in Psychology. I got a rockin' 95/100, an A! Not bad for writing it from start to finish in three days! That was ten pages, citations and the whole works.

I can't wait for school to be done so that I can concentrate more fully on my MaryKay business. I can totally rock that, I know! I have two people interested in hosting classes, just have to wait until my sales director is back in town next week. (If any of my local readers know of anyone that wants to try the products, or just host a class, please email me at seana.pierce@marykay.com. Those who host a class will receive a free gift!)

I have most of the Christmas decorations up here already. My inside tree and my outside tree, my lawn decorations, my pretty inside decorations and my Christmas town. I'm so busy, that I want to set them up early so I can actually enjoy them.

Speaking of enjoying things, I best go take my shower and go enjoy my family's company for the day. It's rare (usually) to have us in the same room, doing the same thing, so I want to grab as much of that time as possible!

Happy Thanksgiving all!

It's done with (again)

It's over, again. The off-on-off relationship I had with Jeff.

The first two years..was perfect, wonderful.

The first half of the third year..was okay. Long distance and hard, but we made it work..

The second half of the third year? That's when things went sour. Long distance doesn't work. He wanted me to move to Nebraska and into his mother's basement.

Without my family, friends, pets, etc. in another state. Uprooting myself for his mistakes. (Sound familiar to those readers who know about psycho preacher wanna-be?)

No. He refused to contemplate the same proposal that he gave me (just reversal of roles of who moved into the other's house. (and my name is ON this one..)

So, dear reader, you know all about the above from my blogs, (and more so if you are my best friends by the name of Joshua and Kimmy.)

Now, for the bitter update. ('Cause I need it out to continue forward.)

Last month he came into town to visit, which was blogged about. It was nice. More than nice, it was wonderful.

Then, he went back home. And started asking me about us, and what was my decision on us. There was no formal, "Let's try this again", or "Let's give us a shot again.". It was implied, yes.

Then, it boiled down to this past week.

He gave me an ultimatum about my decision about our relationship (though, I don't know why.. we're broken up and we know the long distance thing doesn't work).

He said I had to give him an answer by midnight last Tuesday night, and I wasn't done thinking about things, and quite honestly not sure why I had too. So, I sent him this shortly before midnight:

"1.) I can't believe you were actually serious about that stupid ultimatum. I think it's ridiculous to give anyone a time limit on something that big.. 2.)and I won't have an answer by the sound of your buzzer, so I guess the last thing I will say is that I love you." ('Cause I do, I love him deeply.)

I then signed off and went to bed, because I didn't really want to get into it ON MESSENGER and in the middle of the night.

What I received in an offline message on Wednesday morning was this: "Congratulations for once again showing me that you won't make any effort or concession for this relationship no matter how small. Have a nice fuckin' life without me."

So, I think I am done with the male species. I got to thinking about my relationship history, and I have only been the 'dumpee' once, and I've dated 8 separate guys. What does that say to you, dear reader, about my girl-friend attributes and dating participation?

I think it means that I suck at dating and being with someone. And not in a good way.

My Life Wishlist..

First, and foremost..


Go Barack! Rock ON!


Okay.. now back to what I was going to say..

Today I had a meeting with my Sales Director for MaryKay and she asked me a few times in the meeting (in different ways) what I wanted from myself and my life. Yes, I have been asked this before..many millions of times..but today I started to really think about it. And I am tired of suppressing what I desire, want, and need without at least discussing it first with those that matter to me and in the goals that I want to establish for my life.

I want this:



Yes, I want a wedding. Not only a beautiful wedding..but a happy marriage. A wedding lasts only one day (or week if you have a honeymoon). But a happy marriage can last a lifetime.

I was engaged once. Almost married a total and complete loser. He wouldn't even let me chose the colors for our wedding. I wanted red and white and silver accents. He said red was NOT a wedding color, and besides it's a whore color. (Excuse me???) And then he said how about yellow, the RIBBON is on sale.. (true story!) And my wedding dress? I had to buy it from a second hand consignment shop, because he said, 'why spend a lot on a dress you'll only wear once?'. Admittedly, it was pretty with puffed sleeves and a princess skirt and lots of shiny beads...but A SECOND HAND wedding dress??? As a matter of fact, here it was, so you can get a visual:



I'll probably blog more about that particular loony individual sometime in the future, enough about him for the moment!

ANYWHO...

Which brings me to this, I want:



No, not a pretty picture of a heart. I want love. Unconditional, all-consuming LOVE. Is that too hard to ask for?



So, so far I've covered that I want a pretty wedding, a happy marriage, and love... Might all seem the same, but really three different things...

I desire to have at least one child. I don't want to be so old that I can't enjoy them and do everything that I want with them. I know other's children annoy me, but I still want to experience motherhood and raising a little munchkin of my own.

I am currently driving a 2000 Ford Focus, and I hope desperately to have it paid off by the end of winter and be driving something else..maybe like this:



My car is running on it's last legs (wheels?) and won't last much longer, I am afraid.

So, dear reader, I included lots of pretty pictures for you to look at tonight..tell me..what is it that YOU want out of life?

A thing for the ladies..

"I`m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe

I am very much considering making this particular quote my signature from now on. It is what it is, and what you may make of it.

I'm tired of having to conform what others want and demand from me. I am who I am, and if you can't handle every aspect of me, then you need to admit it and either open up your expectations or drop them altogether.

I cannot be the only one in the world that feels like this. Am I?

What a nasty business it is..

I know there is one major topic buzzing in America right now, with less than one month left until it's conclusion. I usually try to write about everything and anything that I think of, and that I have an opinion about. This one I have remained mumm about, however.

It's a nasty word, and a nasty business.

Politics.

Dear reader, unless hell freezes over, or pigs start flying with red capes, you won't find another entry concerning it in my blogs besides this brief one.

Barack Vs. McCain.

McCain Vs. Barack.

Round and round it goes, I am sure you have experienced this lately: In your work's break room, at school, at home. With friends, family, or neighbors.. if you prefer one and someone else prefers another, it turns into an offensive craziness rather soon into the debate.

Calm, rational discussion evades most minds rather quickly with the subject of the election or politics in general. People are set on who they will vote for, and will throw statement after statement at you, not giving you much time to think and formulate rapid-fire responses.

This is where I have an issue. I could (could, not will) tell you who I will vote for on November 4th, but in real-time conversation, I cannot remember facts, dates, and reasons why exactly. My mind is not built for that sort of thing, and additionally, I am the worst debater in history. I freeze up.

Don't get me wrong. I know the EXACT reasons I am voting for who I am voting for, when I am reading articles and interviews concerning the candidates and can run my brain through my mental files of facts. But pit me against someone else, and those facts and statistics just fly out of my head.

Just a warning, dear reader, if you are reading this and get the bright idea to ask me who I am voting for, don't be surprised if the topic of conversation changes to something else, say perhaps, my love of the RevoStyler brush, or the annoyances of the Ford brand, or pigs flying with red capes.

Re-fried Brains..

I haven't blogged for a bit of time.. but not much new to blog about really.

I am in the middle of writing a major term paper for my psychology class, that's the biggest thing going on for me right now.. My brain is fried from all the writing I've been doing on that, and I cannot seem to form more than one or two coherent sentences here at the moment.

Here's your chance, dear reader..what's going on with you?

Happy Halloween!!!

What does it tell you when I couldn't even get in the mood for my favorite holiday of the year?

Anyway, I tried finding a good link to my favorite music video of all-time, Michael Jackson's Thriller. I watch that every year on Halloween, and have since I was two years old! (seriously! That's a long tradition to have, don't you think?)

I have it on VHS, but that doesn't help my readers out to watch it with me, does it?

So, instead, I have included Michael Jackson's 'Ghost' video. Lots of great costumes, and a great plot as well. Not to mention awesome dance moves!

Enjoy! (and Happy Halloween! Bahahahahahaha!)