Why can't I...

be one of those woman who turn everyone's head when she walks by? Okay not everyone's head, there are some creepy people out there! I get those a lot!! But I want to be sexy, beautiful, and considered pretty each day...
I was not a cute child, and in middle school and high school I was definitely not in the pretty group of girls. You know who your real friends are when you grow up like that. They were the kids that didn't care what you looked like, it was inside that seemed to matter to them. (You know, the line of thinking that parents try to teach their offspring, but many times goes in one ear and out the other?) The few friends I had still mean the world to me. I will forever be in love (friend-wise) with them: Jenny, Josh, Jeremy, Billy.... thanks to them, growing up was bearable. I met Josh and Jeremy(twin brothers, and both were cute :P lol) waaaaaaaaaay back in 2nd grade. My mom used to watch them and their older brother Jonathon when we were younger and their dad was working. Josh is the one that I was searching for for over five years.... Jenny, I met her our first day of third grade (and my first day in that school). We've been best friends ever since and sometimes inseparable. I positively love her to death! (the first two pictures are of Jen and I from high school...and jeff and I in the third one.) Anyway...I guess that I shouldn't waste time worrying about what other people think about me. I have a great guy that I have been dating for almost two years now. We are as happy as can be :) . He is soooo good to me and loving, a gentleman and wonderful! Yes, I am head over heels!!!
So perhaps, I should just try to stop thinking about what others think about me, and just try to think of myself in a better light? I don't know... I like what I look like, until I look in the mirror.. I know that what Jeff sees he likes, and there are certain parts of me that I absolutely love (most definitely my bum!!! I have a very nice bum! and my flat stomach! I look pretty good in my bikini if I say so myself!) So, reading over what I have written thus far.. what is it I truly don't like about myself? I think it's more of what I used to look like instead of what I look like now. I can't do anything about what I used to look like, so why am I holding on to that? The human mind is mysterious!
Looking at the pictures I have put in here, I am not that bad looking... it is all in my head. I don't know why it is there though, and that is why I continue to ponder this subject, much to the dispair of my readers! It is annoying, and takes up much time. I am not self-centered, for those readers who do not know me that well... but I try to understand myself, and explore why I think, feel, and act the way I do.