Confusion Abounds..

Should I be shot?

I don't know. See, I don't know much about the whole 'dating' game. I'm single, and this is the first time I've been this way in over five years. I have so many new situations popping up...

I'm confused, with a capital C. and O...heck, with a capital C.O.N.F.U.S.E.D.. (How embarrassing if I would've misspelled that, huh?

I just KNOW that you are sitting there, shaking your head at me and thinking I've totally lost it. Don't click that X at the corner of my window please! At least not yet.. give me a chance to plead my case, once I figure out what my case is!

I just emailed my ex. Is that a bad thing? You know, the one that wanted the jewelry back? The one that I was just broken up with this summer? The one I haven't talked with since the argument about the aforementioned jewelry?

What? Should I not have done that?

Well, it's done. Is there a way to undo it? I did it on Yahoo mail.. if there's not, is there a way to see if he reads it?

*deep breath, thinking about butterflies and unicorns...*

Okay, so that's the first thing that I am not sure about. Don't get me wrong. I'm not thinking about reconciling a relationship with him, it was just a 'hi' and 'how are you?'. He is an amazing guy most of the time, but we want vastly different things out of life, love and the world.


The second thing is...ooohhh I love this song!! Reba is my FAVORITE female singer! ('Every Other Weekend')


Okay. I know. I'm sorry. I have the attention span of a fish.. or a uninterested cat.


Before I so rudely interrupted myself, I was saying that the second thing that is messing with me is the feelings that I have realized that I am developing for one of my friends. I didn't realize the extent of my feelings until last night, until I was surfing and thinking about my conversation with J-L. (totally unrelated, but that's how my mind works..).

Then it hit me, like a freight train going 100 miles an hour. I think-no, I know- that I have fallen for a particular friend. Unfortunately, I don't think he feels the same. And I value him too much as a friend to lose him due to my romantic heart and what I am feeling. I'd rather keep it bottled up for the rest of my life, than not to have his friendship for just as long.

No. I am NOT telling you who it is. I know some of you will bug me as soon as you read this, thinking you know who it is. All I will say is a majority of my readers do NOT know this person. Before you send me a message that you are writing at this moment, NOT TELLING you.

Okay, let's proceed..

I know there was something else.. unfortunately, my mind skitters a lot. It likes playing with my thoughts like someone would skip rocks across the pond until they disappear..

It had to do with Jimmy. He's been pretty preoccupied lately, I don't know what's going on. Although, he still schedules most of his breaks when mine are.

I know there was more.. but for some reason my mind is trying to fall asleep all of a sudden..and refusing to think. I'm actually putting MYSELF to sleep.. that's bad.

If you are still awake after reading all this gibberish, dear reader.. what do you think about any or all of this?


((And no.. I didn't figure out what my case is.. besides this long entry of almost-unrelated things being all confuzled together in my poor, tired brain..))