It's been awhile...

...since I recorded any of my many thoughts or constant mayhem that goes on in my head. I actually wrote this a couple weeks with a pen and paper, but kept forgetting to record it.

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So here I am again, immortalizing the me of this second for the few who may care to read or hear my rambling self.

Who really cares though? I wonder this often. Sometimes-no many times-I wonder if I myself really care about me and my thoughts, cares, concerns, wants and needs.

I feel as though I am sitting at the very bottom of a very deep, wet and dark well. Looking up, I can see people looking at me and interacting with me. But no offers to reach out and pull me out. I sit here, my hands under me, cross legged, acting as though I am up with everyone else. But I'm not. And the charade can not go on much longer. I am the proverbial clown with a painted smile, hiding tears and a frown inside.

Yesterday was the best day for as long as I can clearly remember, mood-wise. I felt like I was stiting on the ledge of the wall, with only my feet in the darkness. It was a marvelous feeling! Do people really feel like this all the time?

I must go now. I wanted to write this, but unfortunately I am at work, so I retreated to the bathroom for a quick entry. I must get back before my absence is noticed....