I haven't been sleeping well lately..

Far too much dreaming going on lately!! I don't mind a dream or so a night.. but I've been remembering three, four, five dreams a night! It's like my mind won't shut up and let me rest! I wake up more tired than I was before I went to bed!



I've been having the weirdest dreams as well lately.. zombies, and ghosts..In one that I remember, I was living in this bigger house, with two stair cases going up to the same floor three rooms. Unfortunately, every time we tried using that hallway we would be attacked by ghosts! Except there was enough to these ghosts that they could kill us. So we bricked up the sliding glass doors that led to that hallway and had to be content with the HUGE living room/kitchen/marble bathroom and bedrooms. But then, the ghosts started flying in the front door on carriages. Soooooooooooo very odd!

I think the worst one was definately the one I had a few nights ago in which Jeff brought along another girl on his visit to come see me and explained it was his Lincoln girlfriend and in the dream they preceded to go out dancing and stuff without me, they stayed at K&M's without me and then he didn't know why I was mad! Then, later in the dream, he suggested we all have some 'fun' together! She was taller with shoulder length straight black hair. Thin, a model's body, and had piercings in unusual places...

The weirdest dream ever! Cause I know he would never have a second girlfriend, and never would I take part in a threesome! I like him all to myself!

Thoughts in my head from an hour or so ago....

I am tired... should lay down and go to sleep, but I don't want to. Should take a shower, but I don't want to..should catch up my blog.. but... (I bet you can see the trend here!)-----although, I am getting the motivation to do this, as you can see, dear reader!

Then, it was suggested to me that I just go to bed.. my response?

I don't want to lol....

I don't know what I want to do...nothing and everything at the same time..

---------------------------------------------------------------

What is wrong with me??? Dear reader, it feels like I am going nuts! Crazy, odd, unmotivated to do anything..

An Unusual Monday...

Last Monday started out like any other Monday. I was missing Jeff, working at the dungeon, when I get a call through to my voice mail. I couldn't answer it right away, but I went and listened to the voice mail quick, and to my surprise it was Josh!

I knew he was in town on leave for a few weeks, but didn't think I was going to get the chance to see him. I had been thinking that I didn't feel like driving all the way to Cedar Rapids when he left the voice mail saying he would be in town Monday night. So, of course, I wanted to have our mini-reunion before he headed off to his next tour of Iraq. Turns out, he didn't think I was going to show up! But I did, and man he hasn't changed much since when we were younger. Still the same good humor, and his laugh is definitely the same.

His mom didn't know how we had gotten back in contact, which was the result of my searching for him, Jeremy and Jonathon (his brothers) over the period of a couple of years. Josh and I hadn't see each other for about eight years.

Now, he is on the way to Iraq for another eight or nine months...

Okay, I am way behind in my blogging...

so I will attempt to catch it up slowly but surely!

The recap of the last two days of Jeff's visit:

I did stay Friday night and Saturday Night at K&M's, just to be able to be in Jeff's arms as I drifted off to sleep and to wake up in his arms each morning. I still don't understand really why he was so adamant about staying there and not here, but that is old news now, and there's nothing to be done to change that.

Saturday we tried to go disc golfing, but for some reason the road to the course was closed off. So, we hiked the trail to the Raptor Center and saw the birds that are kept there, for various reasons such as human imprinting and broken wings. **And as I was just reminded, Jeff carried me up the steep mountains piggy back. It's something that is becoming more and more common for us. My back hurts a lot sometimes, sometimes so badly that I can hardly walk. So, when it is like that when we are out and about and will be doing a lot of walking, he carries me. I forgot to put that in the first copy of this entry, most likely because I waited so long to blog about it and it was late. He is my knight in shining armor, and I don't outwardly appreciate enough of what he does for me. I am trying to work on that, because I hate it when I forget to do that! It makes me look (and feel) very bad as a girlfriend!**



(taken from the website, I wish the grass and trees were that green right now!)

Then, I came back home for a few hours to take a shower and then Kirk and Jeff played chess. Before bed that night, we watched One Hour Photo with Robin Williams. One of the movies that I really like, and Jeff hadn't seen it before.

Sunday morning, we woke up in each other's arms and did his laundry. Then it was time for him to go back home. I missed him terribly before he even arrived back home. It was wonderful to be able to kiss him and cuddle in his arms once more. I can't wait until we can do that every day again!

The Gazette article about one of my best friends!

http://www.gazetteonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080325/NEWS/715418283

Updated March 24. 2008 10:13PM
Cedar Rapids corpsman prepares for 4th deployment


By Steve Gravelle
The Gazette
steve.gravelle@gazettecommunications.com




Photo
Josh Chambers

CEDAR RAPIDS — It's become a tradition the past few years for Josh Chambers. Around about every March, he and his extended family meet for dinner — a boisterous, tables-pushed-together gathering of aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents and a few extra-close friends.

Then, a week or 10 days later, Chambers leaves for Iraq.

"I was hoping not to go back, but your commanding officer, they see you do a good job," Chambers said at last night's gathering at a southwest Cedar Rapids pizza buffet.

Chambers will leave in a few days for Camp Lejeune, N.C., from which he departs April 5 for his fourth deployment. He's a Navy hospital corpsman, the Marine Corps' equivalent of a battlefield medic, charged with caring for the approximately 50 Marines in the platoon to which he's assigned.

Chambers, 25, joined the Navy soon after graduating from Cedar Rapids Washington High School in 2001. His mom, Pat Chambers, was an emergency room nurse, "and she always gave me her stories," he said.

After the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, "I knew we were going to war," said Chambers.

During his first Iraq deployment, Chambers was part of the push to Baghdad. In 2005, he was in Fallujah, where he saved Army SSgt. Marcus Matthews. In a poem about the experience that members of Chambers' family passed around Monday, Matthews wrote in part:

Stay with me! Screamed the corpsman

Gesturing his first two fingers toward his eyes

Forcing me to make eye contact with him

And see how much this comrade of mine

Wanted me to stay alive

"We hit a daisy chain of IEDs, and he about lost his arm," Chambers said.

Not all the endings are happy.

"There were definitely some I've lost," Chambers said. "It stinks, especially when they're children. It just didn't work, and you've got to let it go."

Before his first deployment, Chambers worried whether he'd freeze in a crisis situation. Now he's the mentor to new corpsmen.

"I actually like it," he said. "I'm able to show them what I've done. I like being in the instructor's spot."

Corpsman's deployments typically run seven to nine months. Pat Chambers said she spends much of the time near the phone.

"I'm very nervous, but I know he's doing his job," said Pat Chambers, who now lives in Smithboro, Ill. "He loves his country."

Josh's older brother Jonathan Chambers, an Army sergeant, is scheduled to leave in October for his second deployment to Iraq.

"I want it all to end," said Pat Chambers, who said she's discussed her sons' funeral arrangements with them. "I want them all to come home. Enough is enough."

Josh Chambers wants to become a doctor when he finally comes home for good.

"You're taking care of people who are at their weakest points," he said. "I call it servitude — you're helping people."

Which is easier to explain than where he's about to go, again.

"Unless you've been there, you can't really understand," said Chambers. "I just tell (friends who ask) it's hell on earth, because you're taking care of your wounded brothers. That's who we go to war with. It's not that we want to be heroes, it's the person next to you."

Response to a blog entry about things that have been said to her about her weight by exes

I can soooo totally sympathize!!! I am 23 years old, and weigh 105 pounds. I have always had a really really high metabolism and my grade school teachers were always sure that I was malnourished and abused so they made my mom take me to the doctor every 2-3 months. NOTHING wrong with me!! I eat a full meal every couple of hours, and have struggled to gain weight my entire life. It’s taken me six years to go from 90 pounds up to 105!!

I seriously have no eating disorders or health problems, so why can’t I gain weight?? Even the doctor that I saw last month laughed at me when I said I wanted to gain weight. His advice? "Eat more." I don’t think I can eat any more than I do!!

I need your input!

I want to take new updated photos, but don’t want to do webcam ones... any suggestions for poses, outfits, any ideas at all??

I need your help, dear readers! What do you think? I want to do them soon.

38 secrets about me

38 Secrets About Yourself.


be honest

[One] Have you ever been asked out?
yes

[Two] Where was your default picture taken?
in my bathroom

[three]what is your middle name
Kay

[Four] What's your relationship status?
very happily taken

[Five] Does your crush like you back?
I would hope so, we've been together 2 1/2 years!

bored and tired

[Seven] What color underwear are you wearing?
purple & white

[Eight] What are you wearing?
brown cargo pants and navy fleece long sleeve shirt (still in my work clothes, blech)

[Nine]what are u listening to?
nothing; and the silence is bugging me. But I'm too lazy right now to click a few buttons and play music

[Ten] If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
Yes. I would've tried much harder in school.

[Eleven] If you must be an animal for one day, what would you be?
mmmmmmm... a household cat :) In my house.

[Twelve] Ever had a near death experience?
no

[Thirteen] What's something you do everyday?
take my puppy for a walk

[Fifteen] Who did you copy and paste this from?
kimberly

[Sixteen] Name someone with the same birthday as you?
ummmm...no one on the same day, but Josh's is August 5th.

[Seventeen] When was the last time you cried?
a week ago


[Eighteen] If you could have a super power what would that be?
hmmm....invisibility




[Twenty] What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
eyes

smile. and muscles.

[Twenty-one] What do you usually order from Starbucks?
blech! I hate coffee.

[Twenty-two] What's your biggest secret?
Yes, I would post a secret on here. NOT. :P

[Twenty-three] whats your favorite color?
to wear: red. Otherwise, purple.

[Twenty-five] Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
Nope.

[Twenty-six] What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
nothing.

[What happened to 27??]

[Twenty-eight] What's your favorite smelL?
My perfume. Britney Spear's 'Curious'

[Twenty-nine] Describe your life in one word what would it be?
boring.

[Thirty-one] Have you ever been kissed in the rain?
yes!

[Thirty-three] What should you be doing right now?
Taking a shower.

[Thirty-four] Who was the last person that made you upset/angry?
family...

[Thirty-five] Why are you doing this?
felt like it

[Thirty-six] Do you like working in the yard?
sometimes.

[Thirty-seven] If you could have any name in the world, what would it be?
My own name.

[Thirty-eight] What do you want more than anything in the world?
get married, have at least one child, and the fabled picket fence.....


After reading this fill it in and post it with the subject as:
38 Secrets About Me

We should keep this in mind when we want to complain about the little things...

I try to repost this every so often, it deserves it..something for us all to think about.


You stay up for 16 hours

He stays up for days on end.
_________________________

You take a warm shower to help you wake up.

He goes days or weeks without running water.
__________________________

You complain of a "headache", and call in sick.

He gets shot at as others are hit, and keeps moving forward.
__________________________

You put on your anti war/don’t support the troops shirt, and go meet up with your friends.

He still fights for your right to wear that shirt.
__________________________

You make sure you’re cell phone is in your pocket.

He clutches the cross hanging on his chain next to his dog tags.
____________________ ______

You talk trash about your "buddies" that aren’t with you.

He knows he may not see some of his buddies again.
__________________________

You walk down the beach, staring at all the pretty girls.

He patrols the streets, searching for insurgents and terrorists.
_________________________

You complain about how hot it is.

He wears his heavy gear, not daring to take off his helmet to wipe his brow.
__________________________

You go out to lunch, and complain because the restaurant got your order wrong.

He doesn’t get to eat today.
__________________________

Your maid makes your bed and washes your clothes.

He wears the same things for weeks, but makes sure his weapons are clean.
__________________________

You go to the mall and get your hair redone.

He doesn’t have time to brush his teeth today.
__________________________

You’re angry because your class ran 5 minutes over.

He’s told he will be held over an extra 3 months.
__________________________

You call your girlfriend and set a date for tonight.

He waits for the mail to see if there is a letter from home.
__________________________

You hug and kiss your girlfriend, like you do everyday.

He holds his letter close and smells his love’s perfume.
__________________________

You roll your eyes as a baby cries.

He gets a letter with pictures of his new child, and wonders if they’ll ever meet
__________________________

You criticize your government, and say that war never solves anything.

He sees the innocent tortured and killed by their own people and remembers why he is fighting.
__________________________

You hear the jokes about the war, and make fun of men like him.

He hears the gunfire, bombs and screams of the wounded.
__________________________

You see only what the media wants you to see.

He sees the broken bodies lying around him.
__________________________

You are asked to go to the store by your parents. You don’t.

He does exactly what he is told even if it puts his life in danger.
__________________________

You stay at home and watch TV.

He takes whatever time he is given to call, write home, sleep, and eat.
__________________________

You crawl into your soft bed, with down pillows, and get comfortable.

He tries to sleep but gets woken by mortars and helicopters all night long.

I don't have much time... but I thought I would at least start an entry., while I am eating. I don't feel like eating, though. I haven't really eaten all day. I had a snowball snack before work, half of a sandwich for lunch I guess. A few Reese's eggs and a little bit of chicken. You would think I would be famished...

I spent over five hours on the self checkout today. It's rather boring... I found myself taking my pulse to see if I was really still alive or not.. But hey, getting paid for sitting there hitting a red 'virtual' button every so often? Not really a bad deal if you think about it...

Today was different...

Jeff arrived yesterday evening for a few days here in town. It was so good to kiss him, and be in his arms once more. To feel his strong body against mine, to hear his voice telling me in person that he missed me and loves me so much. It was so good to tell him the same things and to kiss him back. Oh, how I love that man. However, he is staying with K & M, and not here. I don't quite understand the reasons, but I accept them (admittedly grudgingly).

Yesterday, he came here first and we kissed...(and kissed, and kissed, and kissed.....). Then we went over to K & M's, where we left for disc golf soon after. I can't really throw the discs because of my back right now, and Marsha tried on the first hole, but her throw is off due to the future arrival. So we talked and followed the guys through the course. My back was aching by the time we reached the end. It's been getting worse again in the last couple of days. I just took some of my lovely medicine, so I hope it takes care of it.

Then, we were all pretty hungry, so we headed to Iowa City to a barbecue place. I forget the name, but it's really pretty new, in an old Amoco station building on the edge of Downtown. The barbecue chicken was pretty good. The fries were yummy!

Then we headed back to K&M's...and for the life of me I can't remember what we did after that... I know Jeff and I kissed a lot more, and he 'showed me the basement again'... and we sat around talking for awhile. My days all blend together, due to the medicine and just my ditzyness. I often forget what I was doing, or forget that I've done something and go back to redo it. That leaves me puzzled, scratching my head, when I go back to find I've done something but I have no recollection of doing it just five or ten minutes before.

Anyway, we called it a night, and Jeff brought me back home. (and kissed!)

I got up early this morning (blech, anything before nine is too early for me! Lazy, I know!) I took a quick shower, and went to pick up my work check.. Then I had to wait for Kirk and Jeff to get back from disc golfing and grabbing lunch...(that's when I wrote the last blog entry). Jeff and I grabbed some quick alone time, and then went back upstairs. Finding out that the basement is soundproof was a wonderful thing! :)

They played two games of regular chess and a game of round chess, which was really tough looking! Marsha came home from the doctor, and we got to sit around for a bit longer, finally deciding that a nap was definitely in order for all of us. Although, Jeff and I didn't quite get that far... but alone time is wonderful!

We had some of the yummy roast that Marsha made, and then some of the YUMMY brownies that Kirk made. I am a sucker for brownies. My favorite brownies of all time have marshmallows in them...YUM! My favorite sweet of all time, however, are these marshmallow and caramel(?) treats that one of my mom's friends make around the holiday season. I don't know what they are called though.

I parted ways with them shortly after that. Kirk and Jeff went to a ritual, and Marsha went to another thing with Kirk's mom. I went to the mall to Target and picked up the things I would need to remove my fake nails. I ran into Spaz while I was there, that was cool. He was one of the friends that I hung out with at the mall during my senior year. He still lives up to his high school nickname that's for sure! But it was great seeing him. I also just barely missed having to talk to Jenny, but that's fine with me.

Came home and took my puppy for a short walk around the block, my back was killing me to go any further. Had yet another rice dinner, and began the attack on my nails. (See, one of them broke off last night, so I figured the rest of them had to go, it looked tacky to have a broken one and the rest still long...) OH MY GOD, did that freakin' hurt to remove them.. but that's okay really, I survived. However, my nails are really damaged from the fake nails being on them, it's going to take awhile to restore them. I have this really cool Revlon Nail kit, battery operated that buffs/polishes/smooths them. They look pretty good now, just really short. If it wasn't for my nail toy, they would look absolutely horrible. I'm so glad I bought that thing a few Christmas' ago!

But enough of my nails.. and my mundane day, I am sure I have either bored you to tears, dear reader, or put you to sleep. I have to record everything though, or else I will forget what I've done or in what order.. It's the medicine I am taking I think. It magnifies my forgetfulness/absentmindedness/ditzyness to the 100th power at least.

I think Jeff fell asleep before he could call me tonight, or else he forgot. We always do good night calls.. except when one of us falls asleep unexpectedly. I know I sleep better if I hear his voice right before I drift off to la-la land. However, I am getting very very sleepy now, so perhaps I can sleep right away after posting this.

Which would be right....now...

I don't know if this rambling makes much sense...

Retail therapy has lost all value. I used to shop when I was down, but today I couldn't even get myself to park at the mall. I used to drive around when I needed to think, but gas is as precious as gold now, and I can't afford either much anymore.

So now what? i feel like I am on my way to the bottom of the proverbial well once more, (see older posts), slipping down the old, slick, familiar walls. Sure, I find some handholds here and there, spots of happiness maybe even a day here and there when I forget whats going in on in my brain. I soon, however, lose my grasp and down I start to go again.

I am feeling mad and sad, many feelings and thoughts swirling around and around, faster and faster. So quickly they go, like a whirlpool in the darkness of the well. I can't place the reasons behind the feelings.

I just plunge ahead, day after day, because I can't yell 'Stop the world, I need a breather!'. Day after day, I just get deeper into the storm of my being, brief flickers of lightening showing me whats really going on, only the briefest seconds and then its gone. I don't have enough time to really see whats there.

But is it more of a blessing or a curse? I don't know, and I don't know if I really want to. Perhaps it is better not to know, but it may drive me crazy. Though Not knowing (what's the cause of these feelings and why I feel like I do) may do the same thing.

(written first, in the car, at 11:20 A.M. today)

My first writing since high school

I paint a smile so you won't see the frown.

I add structure so you won't see me falling apart.

I add color so you won't see my dullness.

I laugh so you won't see me cry.

Don't Forget Those Who Are Serving For Us...

American Girls and American Guys
We’ll always stand up and salute
We’ll always recognize
When we see Old Glory Flying
There’s a lot of men dead
So we can sleep in peace at night
When we lay down our head

My daddy served in the army
Where he lost his right eye
But he flew a flag out in our yard
Until the day that he died
He wanted my mother, my brother, my sister and me
To grow up and live happy
In the land of the free.

Now this nation that I love
Has fallen under attack
A mighty sucker punch came flyin’ in
From somewhere in the back
Soon as we could see clearly
Through our big black eye
Man, we lit up your world
Like the 4th of July

Hey Uncle Sam
Put your name at the top of his list
And the Statue of Liberty
Started shakin’ her fist
And the eagle will fly
Man, it’s gonna be hell
When you hear Mother Freedom
Start ringin’ her bell
And it feels like the whole wide world is raining down on you
Brought to you Courtesy of the Red White and Blue

Justice will be served
And the battle will rage
This big dog will fight
When you rattle his cage
And you’ll be sorry that you messed with
The U.S. of A.
`Cause we`ll put a boot in your ass
It`s the American way

Hey Uncle Sam
Put your name at the top of his list
And the Statue of Liberty
Started shakin’ her fist
And the eagle will fly
Man, it’s gonna be hell
When you hear Mother Freedom
Start ringin’ her bell
And it feels like the whole wide world is raining down on you
Brought to you Courtesy of the Red White and Blue

Not the best quality, but here's the video along with the lyrics.

It was pointed out to me the other day...

..that apparently I am showing signs of depression. Yet, no one else has even eluded to this idea.

The person who pointed out this fact said it bluntly.

But they must be full of it, or else others would notice. But maybe no body really pays attention. I mean, I am but a speck of sand in the grand scheme of the universe. I can't expect to be put up on a pedestal or expect others to pay attention to everything that I do. Or expect to be held to any greater degree of importance than the next Jane Doe that someone knows.

Have you, dear reader, ever had moments when people have said something like that to you? Or known a blunt person?

Side note...However, Depression does run rampant on my father's side.. but I don't know if there's any revelance there..and they are diagnosed as such. I think, on my mother's side there is also a bunch of it, but undiagnosed. My mother's side doesn't believe in going to the doctor for ANYTHING. (Not helping my case, am I?)

Taking a backseat...

Is it second fiddle you want me to play? Or is it third?

Let me know, so I know what to expect of myself.

You've got to be kidding me!?!?

Just so ya’all know... I don’t usually follow along and report celebrity’s going-on’s, but I am a lifelong Beatle/Paul fan, so this was something I watched...

It’s Over! Heather Awarded Nearly $50 Million

Posted by ExtraTV Staff on March 17, 2008 6:40 AM



One of the most hotly contested divorces in British history is finally ended, with a judge awarding Heather Mills nearly $50 million from former Beatle Paul McCartney.

Heather, a former model who married Sir Paul in 2002, said she’s "so, so happy" with the decision. She spoke at length on the steps of the High Court in London, but McCartney had little words for the public, saying only, "All will be revealed."

Heather wanted $250 million of Paul’s reported $1.6 billion fortune, but a judge said Paul’s assets were actually around $800 million. Their four-year-old daughter, Beatrice, will also receive about $70,000 per year, and Paul will pay for her nannies and schooling.

In November, Mills told "Extra" that the press had become so vicious she actually feared for her life -- and considered taking it herself. "I absolutely did consider suicide about a year ago. When you are holding [the truth] inside for the sake of someone you’ve loved, who is not speaking out and could clear your name, it’s like a volcano."
She also claimed that Paul’s daughter Stella was a major factor in the breakup of their marriage, blasting, "Every single week, Stella tried to break up our marriage. She was so jealous."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What do you guys think of this outcome?? I find it COMPLETELY outrageous!! Married such a short time and was awarded that much?? PLUS the yearly payments and Paul also must pay for all of thier daughter’s nannies and schooling... What a freakin’ gold digger she appears to be!

Open to readers, songs by City High

City High's album came out in 2001, and was one of the constant Cd's in my player then. Every time I have been down and in a odd mood, it was one of the selections to go into my player. Now, with my new found addiction to Windows Media Player, it's always within a click of my listening (dis?)pleasure.

One of the songs that I was going to post lyrics to, I decided not to in the end. If you want to look it up yourself, it's called 'The Only One I Trust' by City High. I listened to it quite a bit in high school, so much so that track got unplayable by all the scratches.

So I will, instead, post lyrics to the song, (City High Anthem,) that my friends and I thought fit our school's relationship to us through most of our lovely educational years at Clear Creek Amana. (Otherwise known as Hick School in small-town Iowa.) We weren't popular, we weren't 'pretty', we didn't have money. Our school didn't give kids like us much of a chance... Many people now don't know the full story, but that's alright. I'm just trying to forget it and build new memories.

(I omitted some of the thoughts I had here, some things I wanted to get out, but I still wanted to keep to myself, and I am entitled to such things :) Sorry, dear reader...)

Thankfully I have moved up a bit in living arrangements, and haven't been given the responsibility of single mother/father as most of my old group has been. I still look back to my educational years as something I am glad that I never have to revisit..

I am THE ONLY ONE of my group that hasn't done drugs or gotten drunk. I've been the designated 'cover' person.(Omissions once again, at least I am honest about it!)
Any way, I digress...Here are the lyrics... It took me so long to write this entry, that my player has moved on to another album that I listened to during my high school years.. '2001' By Dre.


City High Anthem

They just gave up on our entire generation
So we were all pushed to the side cuz we didn't see the world through our
teacher's eyes
When all we needed was a little bit of motivation
But because we wore our pants saggin' y'all labelled us gangstas
And said we wasn't worth the time

There are so many things i never asked you,
There are so many things i still don't know,
There are so many things you never told me,
and still so many things that will never know,
And why, cuz i went to city high

A school with more dropouts than sign ups and registrations,
Mmmm yea, and the pregnancy rate is at an all time high(we all know why)
Now you would think the classrooms the place for mental stimulation,
But theres some brothers outside selling that stuff that will really stimulate
your mind(talking bout getting high)

There are so many things you never showed me,
There are too many things you let slip by,
How can I face a world that doesn't know me
A world that doesn't care whether I live or die,
And why, cuz I go to City High

So, We don't need your education
We don't want no pacifier
We are the leaders of your nation
We're gonna make sure the world survives
There ain't no justice there's just us
What happened to the meaning of "in God we trust"
So as we get older and our children grow up
We ain't gonna teach them what y'all showed us

There's too many babies dyin' before they're born (Lord ain't that the truth)
Too many young ladies cryin' with a daddy in the house but not a father in the
home (now y'all know there's a difference)
And what about all our young soldiers being led astray (by this negative music)
What happened to the Isaac Hayes, and the Curtis Mayfield's and all the Marvin
Gayes?
Man we really need 'em today

And there were so many things that needed explaining
But you said it was too late for me to learn
You were suppose to be my shelter when it was raining'
But instead you left me out here all alone, so I gotta make it on my own

We don't need your education
We don't want no pacifier
We are the leaders of your nation
We're gonna make sure the world survives
There ain't no justice there's just us
What happened to the meaning of "in God we trust"
So as we get older and our children grow up
We ain't gonna teach them what y'all showed us

For people who did believe, what we could do to change our future, you knew the
world was in our hands, help build them strong so they can withstand, all the
pressures, all the war, all the prejudice, and the others who were sure we
couldn't fight the stress in life, for those of you who didn't believe us,
listen to my words for you, listen to your children sing to you

We don't need your education
We don't want no pacifier
We are the leaders of your nation
We're gonna make sure the world survives
There ain't no justice there's just us
What happened to the meaning of "in God we trust"
So as we get older and our children grow up
We ain't gonna teach them what y'all showed us

Going off the rails of a crazy train...

Going off the rails of a crazy train
Current mood: discontent
Category: Life



The song that really fits me right now... I actually found the original music video..

Remember those? From when MTV actually played them, pretty much all the time?



For those who may not be able to understand all of the lyrics, here they are:
(courtesy of lyricsfreak.com)

Crazy, but thats how it goes
Millions of people living as foes
Maybe its not to late
To learn how to love
And forget how to hate

Mental wounds not healing
life's a bitter shame
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train

I've listened to preachers
I've listened to fools
I've watched all the dropouts
Who make their own rules
One person conditioned to rule and control
The media sells it and you have the role

Mental wounds still screaming
Driving me insane
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train

I know that things are going wrong for me
You gotta listen to my words
Yeh-h

Heirs of a cold war
Thats what we've become
Inheriting troubles I'm mentally numb
Crazy, I just cannot bear
I'm living with something that just isn't fair

Mental wounds not healing
Who and whats to blame
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train

For those who want newer, here's video of him performing Crazy train on the Jimmy Kimmel show Live 5-22-07)

The dungeon, books, and feelings of unease..

What a hectic crazy day. I felt like I was being forced to run at full speed all day, while staying in place.



Technically, I am a shoe associate, supposedly working in shoes. More and more, I have found myself thrown behind a register checking for most or all of my shift. Since I have gotten a doctor's note for my back, I am now finding myself thrown behind the register at the self-checkouts. You know how mind-numbing that is?? Really, just hitting the red 'digital' buttons on the monitor, and occasionally going to each lane when the person checking their stuff needs an age approval or screws it up somehow. Sure, saying hi to the customers and making sure they get through alright, but most of the time they are either on the phone or in a group and they just want OUT OF THERE. I can't say I blame them either.


(but...minus the smile this lady has... Just as a default...)

Today, not only was I sitting at the self checkouts for over four hours, I also did 340 price changes. Really, why on Earth did they think it is a good idea to drop that many price changes on the weekend???? They actually dropped 360, but I didn't do the last 20 of them because they were partial size runs. People go nuts when a size 7 of a style is one price and the 7 1/2 is another... So I left them on there until at least tomorrow to see if the rest drops....




I don't feel well. My dinner is not wanting to settle down and be digested.. I honestly have to stop myself from getting sick (sorry for the visuals).



So, on another note, I was thinking again about my job/career change. If I can't work in a library anytime soon (see my previous blogs titled 'The unbalancing acts'), I still need to escape the 'dungeon' (as one of my lovely readers dubbed it) VERY soon... I think I will check out the hiring possibilities at Barnes and Noble. It's kind of like a library. Another plus, it is in the mall that is only two blocks away from me. :)

A downside?........It is in the mall that is only two blocks away from me. *laughs* Our mall has quite a few stores that I love, and constant sales. I would forever be broke, even more than usual!

My medicine is kicking in, I can definitely tell. It works fast, and knocks out my abilities to formulate coherent sentences and to spell/use grammar correctly.

So, my dear readers.. You've all been pretty quiet lately! Feel free to share what's going on with you!

How is your weekends going?

What lovely (or not so lovely) places do you spend your time the most?

What do you think of Nirvana?

Don't forget to leave kudos with comments, and subscribe! I love that sort of thing!!!

Remembering those who are serving... (reposted from my myspace blog)

Okay, so my best friend from childhood is in the service. We've known each other since I was in 2nd grade and he was in third. We lost touch for quite awhile, but Myspace brought us back in touch with each other about a year ago.





He is heading to Iraq in just a couple of months, but has served our country for quite awhile already.

First, I came up with the idea of asking you all to visit his profile and leave your thoughts and prayers for him there, but then I remembered that one has to be a friend of someone to leave profile comments.

So then I thought it may be nice for comments and thoughts to be posted here in this blog entry for him to read from everyone.

I wanted to also give you the opportunity, dear reader, to post links/photos of your own loved ones who are serving our country and risking thier lives for us if you wish.

Comedy Bits for you all to enjoy..

I am far to tired to think of anything coherent to blog tonight, so I found another set of clips of comedian/ventriloquist Jeff Dunham, one of my favorites!

Enjoy!
Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Don't forget to leave kudos and comments about your favorite lines from this or about your personal favorite comedians! Comments make me all happy inside :)

The Un-Balancing Act, Part 3, Spring Cleaning, and laptops

Okay, so today I was really motivated to start my spring cleaning (Who doesn't want to try to get spring here faster?)




I whipped through the bathroom like a hurricane, tossing out old bottles and organizing, cleaning and polishing. No problem. I was done with that room in less than an hour.

I opened the closet under the stairs, and it literally SUCKED all the time out of the rest of my day. I took EVERYTHING out, and managed to put enough things to the side for selling that I turned the closet into a little sewing room. (Little being the key word. It is just wide enough for my sewing table and the bench. However, long enough to fit all of my sewing notions in there, besides my maniquins.)

How exciting is that??



(well, for me anyway!)

Anyway, later in the afternoon, I was talking to one of my closer friends online, and thought I would get on Yahoo! answers to try to find her the answer of how to get into her crashed harddrive. Instead, I found the secret I have been looking for since 2005! In the spring of that year, I managed to lock myself out of my laptop because I forgot the password. Noone seemed to know how to get around that to let me back into my computer.

Noone. Many people I talked to said there was no way to get around it. My laptop was a paperweight now. (and it was for three years).



Another person actually suggested I should run over with my car. I really considered it too. Man, I'm glad I didn't follow through with that idea!

As of tonight, it is no longer a paperweight! I found a wise soul on Yahoo! Answers who gave me the simple directions that let me back into my laptop and regained my access to irreplaceable files.

YEAH!!!!



Now, for the sobering news in my hunt for better employment.

I also contacted the North Liberty Library today, and was given a similiar answer to those that I had gotten from Coralville and Iowa City. In order of consideration of any paying job there, I must have education behind me and experience. However, until then, I can volunteer.

But wait, I can't. Volunteers don't get money, and the bills require it.

I could always do what Roseanne and Dan did on their show when they were strapped for cash. Send the phone bill to the electric company, the electric bill to the gas company, and so on...

I CANNOT work for Wal-Mart for another two years, at least!! I just can't. I think my remaining shreds of sanity will be destroyed way before then.



To end my day wonderfully, I also got to hold a long conversation via phone with my wonderful boyfriend. Yeah!! That man makes me so very happy! 35 minutes of full, actual conversation (and plenty of 'I love you's'!). I can't wait to see him once more.

So, that was my day, in a (longish) nutshell...

Dear readers.. Tell me your thoughts, your crazy ramblings!

Are you as impatient for spring's arrival as I am?

What do you do to whittle away your time?

What's the last thing you found yourself doing a happy dance for? (mentally, if not physically?)

What should I do about my employment????

Don't forget the kudos and subscribing! You know those things on my writings make me so very happy!

The Un-Balancing Act Continued

Okay, so as a refresher for those who have been reading along or a summary for the readers who are new to my blog: I have been in the pursuit of a new job/career..I have been leaning a lot towards working in a library.





However, the search isn't going as planned. As I mentioned in the blog entry here, the Coralville Library doesn't seem to match what I need. So, I contacted the Iowa City Library. (Can't blame a poor girl for trying!)





They don't have any openings right now, and even if they did, they start everyone out as part time (under 20 hours). I need full-time, and really really REALLY don't want to do two part time jobs, especially at least one of them being downtown. These employees are hourly (which is okay) but have no benefits. (NOT okay, I need my dental through work anyway.)

Next on my list is the North Liberty Library. (Boy, do I have a few interesting stories from that place! (Perhaps not so much to you, dear reader, but they are rather memorable instances. Even though I'd rather forget the era in which they happened.)

That's how the job hunt is going thus far. Dear reader, send your thoughts and good luck my way because it seems that I will desperately need them!!

Can you say 'Awwwwwwwwww...'?

I was just surfing along the grand world wide web, when I found a really really cute picture of a puppy that made me go 'awwwwwww'. Yes, yes, I am a total girl..

So, now it's your turn, dear reader!! I want to see your cute pet pictures, or at least ones you find online.. or pictures of any animal you like...

Don't forget kudos and comments!! You know how I love those!

One of my favorite comedians..

Nothing deep and provocative tonight for you, my dear reader....instead, here is a clip from a comedian that I have discovered that makes me giggle everytime I see a clip of his act..

Without, further ado, here's Jeff Dunham..

What would you do if these were your children?

I saw this on the television earlier and was completely shocked and speechless! It's only a thirty second clip, but it's a clear incidient to me of child neglect.

Some background info:

Her mother's instinct told her something was amiss. She installed the nanny cam a week earlier....and saw the rough handling of her twin infants from the start. She saw this footage at work, and immediatley left work to get rid of the nanny.

She then called the cops, who told her that there wasn't enough evidence of child abuse or neglect.

My dear readers, what do you think? Should this nanny be held accountable for the ways she mishandled these babies? (Born almost a month early)

Is this as horrible to you as it is to me?

Don't forget, I absolutely adore comments! :)

The un-balancing act

Okay, so I decided to inquire deeper into the possibility of getting a job at the library. You know, being paid to be surrounded by books? How awesome would that be?? And get to tell people 'Shhhhhhhhhhhh!' *laugh*



Anyway, I inquired at the Coralville public library and found out they have a part time librarian position open. Fine, that's cool. I really need full time hours though. That position isn't open at this time however. Then I find out that library experience is required, a MLS preferred. If I'm not mistaken, that's a masters of library science. This position requires the applicant to spend thousands to get the masters and only pay them 10.00 dollars an hour. That doesn't seem to balance out to me. That is only 80 cents more than I am making now.

classes for a semester: 1000 tuition, books 3-4 hundred
times at least 6 or 7 semesters

I guess I will next inquire at the Iowa City Library and the North Liberty library. I think, however, that the case will be the same in those locations as well.

Dear reader..

What do you think of this overall?

Do you think the money earned will balance out the student loans that I will acquire (on top of my already extravagant loans for majors that didn't work out)?

Any suggestions at all to get me out of Wal-Mart??? Something new and different?

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everythings made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everythings made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

(break and solo)

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everythings made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everythings made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Another survey.....

Someone knocks on your window at 2 am, who do you want it to be?
Jeff!!

Your boss tells you they will give you a $20/hr raise if you will do your job naked, do you?
um... nope

Your boyfriend/girlfriend's EX calls and needs a tire change, do you let them go help?
I wouldn't be too happy about it, but there is a reason she'd be an ex, so yes.

Ever seen a ghost?
yes, I had one playing havoc in a place I lived before. I'll have to blog about that sometime!

Do you love anyone?
yes!

A reason you would move to Iceland?
Did hell freeze over?

A place you have lived that you miss?
um..none

A person that you miss?
Jeff (my boyfriend). Josh, my childhood best friend, we will reunite one of these days when he gets out of the service.

A band/group you thought was cool when you were little?
New Kids on the Block

You have a nightmare, who is the first person you think to tell?
Jeff and my blog

Do you wanna have kids before you are 30?
It would be nice, I don't want to be a senior citizen when they graduate high school.

A memory from high school?
um...those all are things I am trying to forget..

Ever had a crush on one of your friends parents?
nope

Silliest thing you have done?
many things, my absentmindedness causes a lot of them, like putting the remote in the freezer, and other weird stuff like that.

Do you look more like your mom or your dad?
My dad, unfortunately.

Something you have always wanted to do?
sing

Where you would like to be in 10 years?
somewhere warm

Something you learned about life this year?
I need a job change and soon!

What do you want for your birthday?
Cash!

Have you said I love you to anyone today?
yep.

Last item you bought yourself?
clothes

What did you have for breakfast?
um...nothing

Name a celeb you think is hot?
Johnny Knoxville

What is your ring tone?
Depends who's calling. Jeff's tone is "Livin' Our Love Song", my family's is "Time Marches On."

How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
Around 8-9

Have you ever been tied up?
No comment

What do you wish you were doing right now?
cuddling in Jeff's arms and sleeping

What was the last alcoholic beverage you drank?
Marquita? maybe? A long time ago, before Jeff stopped drinking around me.

Where do you rent your movies?
I don't rent, I buy.

Ever had a black eye?
When i was two, I fell forward on the kitchen floor and bruised the skin under my eye, that's about it. (And of course, it was the day before Mom took me to the portrait studio for pictures!)

Last people you went out with?
Marsha, Kirk, and Jeff

Name three places you would like to travel to?
1) Hawaii
2) California
3) Paris

Is there anyone you want to date at the moment?
I'm dating him!

Favorite food?
pork chops and rice

Silk or lace?
lace

Last board/card game you played?
monopoly, the new edition

What do you think of Brad Pitt?
kinda hot.

Name a friend you have the most in common with?
um.....

What color are your toenails?
natural

Last person you talked with on the phone?
Jeff

Do you own anything with a skull on it?
nope

Have you traveled to Europe?
no

Last movie you watched?
Jackass 2.5 (at home) Jumper (in the theatre)

If you could be anything in the world what would it be?
I dunno..

Last sin committed?
um...no idea

Avid Reading

In conversation the other day, it was brought to my attention that I needed to really expand my reading horizons. How? Well, the conversation went something like this:

Me: Well, you know I read a lot. Whenever I get a chance. I've always been an avid reader.
Them: Oh? What do you read?
Me: I read lots of Stephen King. The first time I read IT was when I was eleven, in the course of one hot long summer day. I'm on my fourth copy of that book now.

(..also at the time of this conversation, I had just finished the newly released 'Richard Bachman' book, Blaze; and was starting IT again. Before the bachman book, I read Desperation.)

Them: What else do you read?
Me: *thinking* Uuuummm.. that's about it... Every time he puts out a new book I buy it, and in between I am reading the books that I either already have in my library or the ones that I find in consignment shops.
Them: You know, that doesn't make you an avid reader. You just read a lot of Stephen King.

I've been thinking about this conversation a lot over the last few days, and decided I need help! Well, we all knew that much.. but I need help expanding my reading repertoire.

So, Dear Reader... I need your suggestions!

What books do you find yourself gravitating towards the most?

Who is your favorite author?

What classics should find their way into my hands and my mind??

I love comments and kudos. Subscribing to my blog would make me very very happy as well!!

First Reactions Quiz

Found this on myspace.. Thought I'd fill it out for something to do..

This is called “FIRST REACTIONS QUIZ”. You have to type the 1st thing that comes to mind whenever you hear these 33 things. You can’t think and go back and change your answers.

Here we go

1. Beer: yuck

2. McDonalds: burned out

3. Relationships: wonderful

4. Purple: red

5. Power Rangers: young

6. Weed: turnoff

7. Steroids: stupid

8. Cartoons: Looney Tunes!!

9. The President: Idiot

10. Tupperware: plastic

11. Florida: sun

12. Santa Claus: creepy

13. Halloween: awesome

14. Alcohol: broken home

16: Myspace: mine!

17. Clowns: scary

18. Marriage: someday

19. Paris: romance

20. Redhead: temper

21. Blondes: gorgeous

22. Pass the: popcorn

23. One night stands: stupid

24. Donald Trump: You're fired!

25. Neverland: Michael Jackson's ranch

26. Dixie: land

27. Vanilla ice cream: boring

28. Hooters: ...gorgeous ladies

29. High school: cruel

30. Pajamas: comfy

31. Woody: ...um... lol

32. Wet Socks: camping in the rain

33. I love: Jeff! (...and my pets, and my family, lol)

Trying to empty out my mind..one thought at a time

I've been thinking about things, and thought I would start jotting down the things that have been running through my mind, just to get them out of my head and hopefully be done with them.

I know it's going to sound really bad.. but Christianity turns me off big time. It's 70% because in my last relationship, the guy gave me a promise ring after one month, an engagement ring after three months, and then wanted to turn me into a good, behaved Christian preacher's wife, barefoot and pregnant without any real say in anything. When I tried to get space, he would sit on the hill behind my house and wait for me to come home if I was in town, or wait for me to come outside if I was home.

I did, however, finally rid myself of him with the help of one of my guy friends, and now am in a very wonderful relationship. We've been together for two and a half years next month!!


Dear Reader, I would love to hear your wonderful (or not so wonderful) dating stories, and memorable experiences with the opposite sex. Or same sex if you prefer :P

Comments and kudos would be awesome as well!!

Help!!

I’m going crazy, I need your suggestions!!!!


How do I stop letting my belongings control me?

I am a pack rat, and have TONS of stuff. I need suggestions on how to prune down what I own, and the best way to do it. What stuff should I generally keep around the house, and what type of stuff do you personally think I can get rid of in any typical room?

I'm at my wit's end, HELP!!!!!!

Dear Readers, please comment!! Subscribing and kudos would be great as usual, but I really really need suggestions and advice tonight!!! Thank you!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Really, this is only one of many things driving me crazy right now, but the amount of stuff I have around me is definatley NOT helping with my stress levels and peace of mind!!

What is MTV thinking?

LOL... after dropping partial support of the crew, they've now decided to hand over the network to the Jackass guys for an ENTIRE day. If you are a fan of them, as I, you should get a kick out of this story!

Jackass' dislocating MTV sked for a day

By CRISTINA KINON

Thursday, February 21st 2008, 4:00 AM

'Jack'-ed up group of men in thongs, run amok through the throngs in Times Square.



MTV is allowing the boys of "Jackass" to take over the network for 24 hours straight, starting Saturday at noon, and executive producer Jeff Tremaine has no idea why.

"It's quite irresponsible of MTV, allowing us to do this," Tremaine told the Daily News. "None of these guys were made for live television, so it should be quite interesting."

Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera, Steve-O, Chris Pontius and many others will be on hand to cause a ruckus as well as pop up in lost footage and taped segments that will be shown throughout the day.

"I'm not trying to bore people with old episodes that they've seen a million times," said Tremaine. "We're running wild on the streets of New York this week, shooting a bunch of stuff. We never really shot in New York before, so it's fun. We're going crazy."

The 24 hours of pandemonium will also include an hour-long tribute to stunt master Evel Knievel.

"That ended disastrously for us, so that should be fun for everyone to watch," said Tremaine. "Knoxville almost lost a penis in that deal. He tried to ride a motorcycle for the first time. He actually tried to backflip it, and got about halfway around. He's recovering, but he still has his catheter in as we speak."

On why they chose Knievel to honor, Tremaine said all the "Jackass" guys looked up to the daredevil, but not for his successes.

"When we watched Evel, you never really wanted to see him land a jump, you just wanted to watch him go for it and watch the carnage," Tremaine said. "That was the inspiration for 'Jackass' in the first place. If you land it, you've got to do it again."

Saturday's special is intended to drum up interest in the launch of Jackassworld.com, where Tremaine and the "Jackasses" will be taking their act full-time.

"The premise of the Web site is, instead of just shooting when we have a big movie, we're just going to constantly shoot," said Tremaine. "It was almost impossible to get Knoxville to stop shooting the last movie we had, so this sort of satisfies his need to just always be shooting something. It's not to say we won't ever do a third movie, but until then we're going to be doing a bunch of new stuff all the time."

The best thing about the site? It's uncensored.

"No bleeps or blurs," said Tremaine.

So what does Tremaine suspect he'll be doing after a full day of "kicking back and watching the destruction" of his "Jackass" crew?

"Throwing up and apologizing."

ckinon@nydailynews.com

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So readers, what do you think?

Have Johnny Knoxville, Bam, Steve-O and the rest of the crew lost the rest of their brain cells from all the stunts?

More Importantly, has MTV lost it's mind letting them take over? (I personally am going to try to catch as much of the craziness as possible!)

What do you think of the Jackass crew?

What other interesting news stories have you seen lately?

As always, I love your kudos and comments! Don't forget to subscribe if you find my blog interesting!

I Need Your help!!

There are a few major things in my life that I desperately need cash for. I don't want to go into detail, without the permission of the people involved, but I want to help them. (It will be better for everyone if the situations get better sooner than later!)

What are your suggestions, dear reader, to make the most out of my money?

What could I do to get more money, besides another job? I already work 40 hours at mine, and they do not allow ANY overtime...I don't think I could handle another job on top of it..

Say what???

Okay, I came across this story this morning, mightbe kinda old. I had a WTF moment, and had to share it with you my dear readers.


Bill Nye Boo'd In Texas For Saying The Moon Reflects The Sun
Bill Nye, the harmless children's edu-tainer known as "The Science Guy," managed to offend a select group of adults in Waco, Texas at a presentation, when he suggested that the moon does not emit light, but instead reflects the light of the sun.


As even most elementary-school graduates know, the moon reflects the light of the sun but produces no light of its own.

But don't tell that to the good people of Waco, who were "visibly angered by what some perceived as irreverence," according to the Waco Tribune.

Nye was in town to participate in McLennan Community College's Distinguished Lecture Series. He gave two lectures on such unfunny and adult topics as global warming, Mars exploration, and energy consumption.

But nothing got people as riled as when he brought up Genesis 1:16, which reads: "God made two great lights -- the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars."

The lesser light, he pointed out, is not a light at all, but only a reflector.

At this point, several people in the audience stormed out in fury. One woman yelled "We believe in God!" and left with three children, thus ensuring that people across America would read about the incident and conclude that Waco is as nutty as they'd always suspected.

This story originally appeared in the Waco Tribune, but the newspaper has mysteriously pulled its story from the online version, presumably to avoid further embarassment.

http://www.wacotrib.com/news/content/news/stories/2006/04/06/04062006wacbillnye.html

What is your thoughts? Reactions?

Do you know anything else about this incident?

Is that town really that ignorant?

**warning..I am a bit biased toward my boyfriend, but oh well.. just thought I would prepare you a bit lol**


For the readers who didn't know, I just got back from Nebraska on Sunday, where my wonderful boyfriend lives. The four and a half hour drive there was uneventful, pleasant, just really long. The trip back however was only one out of the three, and that was long! It was pure ice between Des Moines and here, taking me a total of seven and a half hours to get home! (and countless vehicles in the ditches and median, including eighteen wheelers and one state trooper.)

I got to be with him for four days, far from enough time I must say.

Lots of kisses, cuddles, hugs, and touches.. but I have so many more for him yet! He surprised me with my favorite chocolates...

...and my first ever trip to a nail salon. I've been talking about how I wanted to do the girlie thing and get my nails done, but hadn't made it yet. So he took me!

I also got a wonderful massage from him..he gives the best massages! Although, the best V-day gift though was to just be with him and to kiss him.

and my first ever trip to a nail salon. (He is very very thoughtful!)

I bought him a few new zombie movies, that he actually picked out. I'm not for sure if he knew what I was up to or not...

OKAY... I am going to give up blogging for the night.. I'm trying to blog about my four day vacation.. but I took my medicine before I started, and I cannot string together a full coherent paragraph... So I may have to do another post tommorow with everything I forgot tonight...

Dear reader, as always I love your comments and input...If you were to subscribe, I would be very happy :)

What does it take to get you all doped up and unable to function? (In my case, it's my medicine.)

What did you do for V-day?

Dreamin' of a warm day..

This winter is driving me positively insane. It's freezing and cold.. the ice is making driving nearly impossible. It makes me want to stay inside and bundle up under the covers and sleep until spring!

This song by the Beach Boys has been in my head all day, so I thought I would share it. It's an interesting new mix by the group. (Well, in the nineties anyway!)

Dear reader, What do you think of the current weather where you are?

25 Year Mark!!

Congrats to the King Of Pop for the 25 year mark of 'Thriller'!!

(Sorry guys, as a life-long fan of MJ, I had to do it! Seriously, the first song I ever learned was Thriller, and have watched the video multiple times a year since I was 2! The eyes at the end, and the zombies still give me the creeps!)

Brand new commemorative album came out yesterday. I can't wait to get it. (To add to my regular CD, and my picture disc LP, of course! LOL)

Okay, that's all. Just had to mention it. I included a clip for you, above. Sorry the few captions are Spanish(?), but they aren't essential to the viewing.

Yes, I know, I'll get some slack about blogging about him. But everyone is entitled to his/her own opinion, and I won't delete comments unless they are absolutely horrible! :) )

Have a great chilly day everyone!

And as usual, I would love to hear your thoughts!

What artist can you not get enough of?

What were some of your
favorite music videos?

What CDS are constantly in your player? (Or in my case, on your record player?)

Deadbeat Fathers

I can't think straight tonight and I am fully exhausted. So I thought I would repost a blog entry I wrote awhile back, that has been on my mind a lot. I just found a clip of it for you. I would love for you to watch it. It's only the specific part that I am referring too here, but it still made me cry when I watched it tonight.. I apologize for the poor quality, but it's still good.

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First written:

Saturday, March 31, 2007

I just rewatched an episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Aire that hits very close to home. Before you groan about the show, which I love, this is a very serious episode that makes me actually start to cry, especially with the ending scene. Before going any further, here's the episode recap:

Originally aired: Monday May 9, 1994 on NBC

Will's natural father shows up out of the blue. While Will is thrilled Phillip and Viv are suspicious. Spending a few fun days with his father, Will can't see him for what he really is and begins to believe in him again. After having a few fun times with Will his father has to hit the road again and promises h e will be back for Will to go with him. When he leaves without Will, Will realizes that his uncle Phil is the real man in his life.

The script from the final scene that I found thankfully on Google that really makes it hit home because it is EXACTLY how I feel and describes my relationship with my own absent father, down the the number of years he was completely out of contact:

Will: Hey, you no what, you ain't got to do nothing, uncle Phil. You kow, ain't like I'm still five years old, you know? Ain't like I'm be sitting every night asking my mom "when's daddy coming home," you know? Who need's 'em? Hey, he wasn't there to teach me how to shoot my first basket, but I learned it, didn't I? And I got pretty damn g ood at it too, didn't I, uncle Phil?
Phil: Yeah, you did.
Will: Got to do my first date without 'em, right? I learned how to ride, I learned how to shave, I learned how to fight without 'em. I had fourteen great birthdays without him; he never even sent me a damn card. THE HELL WITH HIM!! (pause) I didn't need 'em then I won't need 'em now.
Phil: Will,...
Will: No, you know what, uncle Phil? I'm get through college without him, I'm get a great job without him, I'm marry me a beautiful honey and I'm having a whole bunch of kids. I'm be a better father than he ever was. And I sure as hell don't need him for that, 'cause it ain't a DAMN THING HE CAN EVER TEACH ME ABOUT HOW LOVE MY KIDS! (long pause) How come he don't want me, man?


My father was, and is, a complete loser for me. I managed to have him off and on the first few years of my life, when he dropped off the planet it seemed. Fourteen years later, and two or three secretly mailed letters from myself to him during middle school, I got a letter from him saying 'time flies huh ? I always MEANT TO call or write, but didn't have the chance.' Turns out that the same time I lost my father's attention and love, he remarried and two other little girls got the love from my father that was MINE. His wife (now ex) found my letters hidden in his drawer while doing some spur of the moment spring cleaning and told him he needed to contact me. That was six years ago, and our relationship has been sporadic at best. Last time I talked to him, I thought I would call him to tell him I was in a minor accident, and he didn't even ask if I was okay. All he said was 'well you learned a lesson didn't you'?

Yeah, I learned a lesson alright. I don't have my father's love, never have, and never will. My mom's ex fiancee was more of a father to me then my own ever was. My childhood best friend's father was more of a father to me, and my neighbor's father was.

But why am I denied my own father's love???

Dazed and Confused...

If I don't make much sense for a few weeks, or seem to trail off and jump around in topics more then usual-It's the medicine I swear!!!



For a quick reference as to how my mind is working, here is the comment I left in one of the blogs that I am subscribed to:

Honestly, though, I can't remember what the heck I just read. I know I read it over and over like three times... but this medicine is messing with my head!! (500mg anti-inflammatory/muscle relaxant 2x a day for my back!) I do, however, see the question 'What did we do this weekend', so I will go with that! I worked. That's all.. what is today? Monday? Yep, I just worked, came home, surfed & took a shower and crashed into bed. Boring huh?

(Boyfriend lives in another state going to college at the moment...)

Booty: The difference in getting an A or just barely passing...

See? I've lost it... but I have lost the pain in my back as well, and that might well be worth losing my brain!! (What little I had left, anyway! LOL)

Anyway, it's time for me to stop trying to think today, and crash into my bed...

And as usual, I would love to hear your ramblings and thoughts...

• What medicines have made you loopy and acting strange?

• What did you find yourself doing this past weekend?

• Have you ever used something to your advantage to get ahead? (such as booty in college? LMAO)
• What would you trade to be rid of something/someone else you can't stand?