Friday, May 18, 2007

After fighting internet crashes and sleep...

i finally get enough time while awake to finish my career aptitude test... And guess what the number one thing for a career suggestion was for it? Sales and Marketing!! It reminds me of the friends episode when Chandler spends a whole day taking various tests and interviews to find a new career because he is tired of number crunching. Turns out that that was what he was best suited for...

Here are my results:

Career Area: Sales and Marketing
Industry Description
The objective of any firm is to market and sell its products or services profitably. In small firms, the owner or chief executive officer might assume all advertising, promotions, marketing, sales, and public relations responsibilities. In large firms, which may offer numerous products and services nationally or even worldwide, an executive vice president directs overall advertising, promotions, marketing, sales, and public relations policies. Advertising, marketing, promotions, public relations, and sales managers coordinate the market research, marketing strategy, sales, advertising, promotion, pricing, product development, and public relations activities.
Sample Job Titles
Sales Representative
Market Research Analyst
Media Buyer/Planner
Promotions Manager
Public Relations Representative

Interesting Facts
Keen competition for jobs is expected.
College graduates with related experience, a high level of creativity, strong communication skills, and computer skills should have the best job opportunities.
High earnings, substantial travel, and long hours, including evenings and weekends, are common.
Employment Outlook
Advertising, marketing, promotions, public relations, and sales manager jobs are highly coveted and will be sought by other managers or highly experienced professionals, resulting in keen competition. In particular, employers will seek those who have the computer skills to conduct advertising, marketing, promotions, public relations, and sales activities on the Internet. Employment of advertising, marketing, promotions, public relations, and sales managers is expected to increase faster than the average for all occupations through 2014, spurred by intense domestic and global competition in products and services offered to consumers.

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Career Match #2 of 4
Amount Completed
Industry Description
Management positions influence how businesses, governments, and institutions make decisions. Often working behind the scenes, these firms offer resources that clients cannot provide themselves. Usually, one of the resources is expertise—in the form of knowledge, experience, special skills, or creativity; another resource is time or personnel that the client cannot spare.
Sample Job Titles
Project Manager
Department Supervisor
Chief Operating Officer
Management Analyst
Service Manager

Interesting Facts
This industry ranks among the fastest growing through the year 2014; however, job competition should remain keen, with the most educated and experienced workers having the best job prospects.
This industry is one of the highest paying.
About 25 percent of all workers are self-employed.
About 72 percent of workers have a bachelor’s or higher degree; 59 percent of all jobs are in managerial, business, financial, and professional occupations.
Employment Outlook
Between 2004 and 2014, wage and salary employment in the management services industry is expected to grow by 60 percent, much faster than the 14 percent growth projected for all industries, ranking the industry as the fifth fastest growing industry in the economy. Still, despite the projected growth in the industry, job competition should remain keen because the prestigious and independent nature of the work and the generous salary and benefits attract more jobseekers than openings every year.
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Career Match #3 of 4
Amount Completed
Industry Description
The Visual Arts create art to communicate ideas, thoughts, or feelings. They use a variety of methods—painting, sculpting, or illustration—and an assortment of materials, including oils, watercolors, acrylics, pastels, pencils, pen and ink, plaster, clay, and computers. Artists’ works may be realistic, stylized, or abstract and may depict objects, people, nature, or events.
Sample Job Titles
Artist
Sculptor
Graphic Designer
Art Director
Illustrator
Sketch artist

Interesting Facts
Keen competition is expected for both salaried jobs and freelance work; the number of qualified workers exceeds the number of available openings because the arts attract many talented people with creative ability.
Artists usually develop their skills through a bachelor’s degree program or other postsecondary training in art or design.
Earnings for self-employed artists vary widely; some well-established artists earn more than salaried artists, while others find it difficult to rely solely on income earned from selling art.
Employment Outlook
Employment of artists and related workers is expected to grow about as fast as average (14%) for all occupations through the year 2014. However, the competition for jobs is expected to be keen for both salaried and freelance jobs in all specialties, because the number of qualified workers exceeds the number of available openings. Also, because the arts attract many talented people with creative ability, the number of aspiring artists continues to grow. Employers in all industries should be able to choose from among the most qualified candidates.
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Career Match #4 of 4
Amount Completed
Industry Description
Communication is essential to the success of any organization. Communication focuses on the interactions between an organization and its strategic audience. It is imperative that messages are clearly stated and understood in order to maintain decorum. The field of Communication encompasses several unique secondary disciplines that include, Public Relations, Radio/TV/Film, Sports Communication and Journalism.
Sample Job Titles
Journalist
TV Broadcaster
Sports Correspondent
Public Relations Manager
Multimedia Video Editor

Interesting Facts
Although employment is projected to grow faster than average, keen competition is expected for entry-level jobs.
Creativity, initiative, and the ability to communicate effectively are essential.
Some public relations specialists work a standard 35- to 40-hour week, but unpaid overtime is common. Occasionally, they must be at the job or on call around the clock, especially if there is an emergency or crisis.
Employment Outlook
Keen competition likely will continue for entry-level communication jobs, as the number of qualified applicants is expected to exceed the number of job openings. Many people are attracted to this profession because of the high profile nature of the work. Opportunities should be best for college graduates who combine a degree in journalism, public relations, advertising, or another communications-related field with a public relations internship or other related work experience. Applicants without the appropriate educational background or work experience will face the toughest obstacles.
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On another site, I scored as possibly suited for fashion editor (ohlala!), event planner, and public relations.

Out of these possibilities, I automatically have to scratch out management, and public relations. People annoy the hell out of me, so working with them as a main part of my job not the best idea. This does give me more of an idea though, of what other things I can do besides work at Wal-Mart. I don't want to become a 'lifer' and be there in 17 years like my department manager has been. It might be fine and well for her, but not me. I want to be able to make a career out of what I do. Someday maybe have a child or two, but that all depends. Mostly on Jeff. I know he loves being an uncle, but I don't know that he is keen on the idea of having his own little rug rats. I would love to have at least one child. Maybe a girl, a boy... gender wouldn't matter, just as long as he/she was healthy, well, and whole. But I severely digress. At least I got a aptitude test completed so I can set my sights and goals a bit more easily.

Friday, May 11, 2007

I forgot an important change!!!

I know that it's been too sparse in my blogging of interesting and important events now! I was reading over my past entries and I realized I never mentioned that Jeff got a new job working at Wal-Mart, in the dairy section a few weeks ago! How ditzy can I be????? He likes it well enough, and gets along alright with the others in his department. There's Ron, but *giggle* everyone has to deal with one of those in their jobs, let's just hope that he doesn't end him with a pencil in his eye!! *thinking about Jeff's comment about that sort of thing, and giggling*

I think it's pretty cool, we work again in the same place, so we can slide by each others department to say hi, and catch a peek of each other. Management seems to like him as well, and he is definately one of the most motivated workers there... (not biased, i swear! It's the truth!)

Thursday, May 10, 2007

I just got off the phone...

...with Jeff once more. God, that man makes me so very happy. He makes the worst days bearable. Now I know why he hasn't seemed to read any of my blog entries. It requires any one who wants to read any blogs on this site to have a Google account. That's news to me...

We had a very enjoyable long conversation earlier this evening. It was about relationships and the such, our past histories respectively. It was 25 minutes long! :) We haven't had a conversation on the phone last that long for quite some time, perhaps since we started dating and he lived in Nebraska yet. But that's okay, we talk a lot in person...

I still worry so much about what will transpire in the next week with what went down awhile back. I shouldn't, I know, for it won't change anything, but that doesn't stop the fretting. I get to see him tomorrow, I am excited!

I am going to finish folding my laundry now, and take a shower. I hope to blog some more before bed...

-Seana

Is there a way to make everyone happy?

I wonder this, because I so want to help my mother financially get her house, but I want to live on my own! I hate putting my mother into tears, and having my brother think I am a spoiled brat.

I wish sometimes I could just travel back to when I was a little girl, or 10-11... just for a few minutes. I was so close with my mother then, like I want to be now. I wish I could get one of her true hugs, and cuddle close when i needed to cry or be comforted...having her brush my hair(which was waist length) to calm me and make me feel good.

How did we get here from there? How can I regain a close loving relationship with my mother again without jeopardizing my own freedoms and wants, and help her realize her dream at the same time? I honestly wish that my brother was back in the black sheep role in the family again, is that horrible or what?

8 Mile-Eminem

Sometimes I just feel like, quittin I still might
Why do I put up this fight, why do I still write
Sometimes it's hard enough just dealin with real life
Sometimes I wanna jump on stage and just kill mics
And show these people what my level of skill's like
But I'm still white, sometimes I just hate life
Somethin ain't right, hit the brake lights
Case of the stage fright, drawin a blank like
Da-duh-duh-da-da, it ain't my fault
Great then I falls, my insides crawl
and I clam up (wham) I just slam shut
I just can't do it, my whole manhood's
just been stripped, I have just been vicked
So I must then get, off the bus then slip
Man f**k this sh*t yo, I'm goin the f**k home
World on my shoulders as I run back to this 8 Mile Road

[Chorus]
I'm a man, I'ma make a new plan
Time for me to just stand up, and travel new land
Time to really just take matters into my own hands
Once I'm over these tracks man I'ma never look back
(8 Mile Road) And I'm gone, I know right where I'm goin
Sorry momma I'm grown, I must travel alone
And go follow the footsteps I'm makin my own
Only way that I know how to escape from this 8 Mile Road

[Eminem]
I'm walkin these train tracks, tryin to regain back
the spirit I had 'fore I go back to the same crap
To the same plant, and the same pants
Tryin to chase rap, gotta move ASAP
And get a new plan, momma's got a new man
Poor little baby sister, she don't understand
Sits in front of the TV, buries her nose in the pad
And just colors until the crayon gets dull in her hand
While she colors her big brother and mother and dad
Ain't no tellin what really goes on in her little head
Wish I could be the daddy that neither one of us had
But I keep runnin from somethin I never wanted so bad!
Sometimes I get upset, cause I ain't blew up yet
It's like I grew up, but I ain't grow me two nuts yet
Don't gotta rep my step, don't got enough pep
The pressure's too much man, I'm just tryin to do what's best
And I try, sit alone and I cry
Yo I won't tell no lie, not a moment goes by
That I don't pray to the sky, please I'm beggin you God
Please don't let me be b*tchin holdin no regular job
Yo I hope you can hear me homey wherever you are
Yo I'm tellin you dawg I'm bailin this trailer tomorrow
Tell my mother I love her, kiss baby sister goodbye
Say whenever you need me baby, I'm never too far
But yo I gotta get out there, the only way I know
And I'ma be back for you, the second that I blow
On everything I own, I'll make it on my own
Off to work I go, back to this 8 Mile Road
[ Lyrics found on http://www.rare-lyrics.com ]

[Chorus]

[Eminem]
You gotta live it to feel it, you didn't you wouldn't get it
Or see what the big deal is, why it wasn't the skillest
To be walkin this borderline of Detroit city limits
It's different, it's a certain significance, a certificate
of authenticity, you'd never even see
But it's everything to me, it's my credibility
You never seen heard smelled or met a real MC
who's incredible upon the same pedestal as me
But yet I'm still unsigned, havin a rough time
Sit on the porch with all my friends and kick dumb rhymes
Go to work and serve MC's in the lunchline
But when it comes crunch time, where do my punchlines go
Who must I show, to bust my flow
Where must I go, who must I know
Or am I just another crab in the bucket
Cause I ain't havin no luck with this little Rabbit so f**k it
Maybe I need a new outlet, I'm startin to doubt sh*t
I'm feelin a little skeptical who I hang out with
I look like a bum, yo my clothes ain't about sh*t
if the Salvation Army tryin to salvage an outfit
And it's cold, tryin to travel this road
Plus I feel like I'm on stuck in this battlin mode
My defenses are so up, but one thing I don't want
is pity from no one, the city is no fun
There is no sun, and it's so dark
Sometimes I feel like I'm just bein pulled apart
I'm torn in my limbs, by each one of my friends
It's enough to make me just wanna jump out of my skin
Sometimes I feel like a robot, sometimes I just know not
what I'm doin I just blow, my head is a stove top
I just explode, the kettle gets so hot
Sometimes my mouth just overloads the ass that I don't got
But I've learned, it's time for me to U-turn
Yo it only takes one time for me to get burned
Ain't no fallin no next time I meet a new girl
I can no longer play stupid or be immature
I got every ingredient, all I need is the courage
Like I already got the beat, all I need is the words
Got the urge, suddenly it's a surge
Suddenly a new burst of energy is occured
Time to show these free world leaders the three and a third
I am no longer scared now, I'm free as a bird
Then I turn and cross over the median curb
Hit the verbs and all you see is a blur from 8 Mile Road

[Chorus]

Songs that echo in my head tonight...resonating in my soul...

Creed-Torn
Peace is what they tell me
Love am I unholy
Lies are what they tell me
Despise you that control me

The peace is dead in my soul
I have blamed the reasons for
My intentions poor
Yes I'm the one who
The only one who
Would carry on this far

Torn, I'm filthy
Born in my own misery
Stole all that you gave me
Control you claim you save me
[ Lyrics by: Rare Lyrics ]

The peace is dead in my soul
I have blamed the reasons for
My intentions poor
Yes I'm the one who
The only one who
Would carry on this far

Peace in my head
Love in my head
Lies lies lies lies in my head.

The peace is dead in my soul
I have blamed the reasons for
My intentions poor
Yes I'm the one who
The only one who
Would carry on this far

The peace is dead in my soul
I have blamed the reasons for
My intentions poor
Yes I'm the one who
The only one who
Would carry on this far
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ode-Creed
Hang me, watch awhile
Let me see you smile as I die
Take me, as my body burns
Let me see you yearn, while I cry

One step on your own
And you walk all over me
One head in the clouds
You won't let go
You're too proud
One light to the blind, and they see
One touch on the head, we believe

Adore me as I drift away
Let me hear you say I'm fine
You cry as my body dies
All that you despised is gone away

One step on your own
And you walk all over me
One head in the clouds
You won't let go, you're too proud
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My Own Prision-Creed
(excerpt)
A court is in session, a verdict is in
No appeal on the docket today
Just my own sin
The walls are cold and pale
The cage made of steel
Screams fill the room
Alone I drop and kneel
Silence now the sound
My breath the only motion around
Demons cluttering around
My face showing no emotion
Shackled by my sentence
Expecting no return
Here there is no penance
My skin begins to burn

(And I said oh) So I held my head up high
Hiding hate that burns inside
Which only fuels their selfish pride
(And I said oh) We're all held captive
Out from the sun
A sun that shines on only some
We the meek are all in one

One light to the blind, and they see
One touch on the head, we believe
We believe

[Guitar Break]

One step on your own
And you walk all over me
One head in the clouds
You won't let go, you're too proud
One light to the blind, and they see
One touch on the head, we believe
We believe
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Only in America-Creed

Only in America
We're slaves to be free
Only in America we kill the unborn
To make ends meet
Only in America
Sexuality is democracy
Only in America we stamp our god
"In God We Trust"

What is right or wrong
I don't know who to believe in
My soul sings a different song
In America
What is right or wrong
I don't know who to believe in
My soul sings a different song
In America, In America, In America

Church bell's ringing
Pass the plate around
The choir is singing
As their leader falls to the ground
Please mister prophet man
Tell me which way to go
I gave my last dollar
Can I still come to your show
[ Lyrics found on http://www.rare-lyrics.com ]

What is right or wrong
I don't know who to believe in
My soul sings a different song
In America
What is right or wrong
I don't know who to believe in
My soul sings a different song
In America, In America, In America, In America

I am right and you are wrong
I am right and you are wrong
I am right and you are wrong
No one's right and no one's wrong
In America, In America, In America, In America

What is right or wrong
I don't know who to believe in
My soul sings a different song
In America, In America

What is right or wrong
I don't know who to believe in
My soul sings a different song
In America, In America,
What is right for you and me?
In America

Today was a pretty good day..

...mood wise. I felt equal with everyone else for once. I had to work 12-9, but it wasn't as bad as usual, my back wasn't screaming in pain like usual. There was just a dull throbbing, that I could work though, and actually work quickly! It was sooooooo nice, it's been so long since I have had a day that I wasn't in agony with every movement. I got to see Jeff for a break, which was the highlight of my day. :)

I am now going to try to lay down and sleep. I haven't been able to easily lay down and sleep lately, stress and uncertainty gnawing at me... maybe I will blog some about it tomorrow.

Jeff heard from his appointed today. he has an appointment next week, to go over details. He doesn't have to be at the appearance, which we take to be a very good sign :) Maybe this will go easier then we expect... Only time will tell. I worry often about it, more then he knows....

It's been awhile...

...since I recorded any of my many thoughts or constant mayhem that goes on in my head. I actually wrote this a couple weeks with a pen and paper, but kept forgetting to record it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So here I am again, immortalizing the me of this second for the few who may care to read or hear my rambling self.

Who really cares though? I wonder this often. Sometimes-no many times-I wonder if I myself really care about me and my thoughts, cares, concerns, wants and needs.

I feel as though I am sitting at the very bottom of a very deep, wet and dark well. Looking up, I can see people looking at me and interacting with me. But no offers to reach out and pull me out. I sit here, my hands under me, cross legged, acting as though I am up with everyone else. But I'm not. And the charade can not go on much longer. I am the proverbial clown with a painted smile, hiding tears and a frown inside.

Yesterday was the best day for as long as I can clearly remember, mood-wise. I felt like I was stiting on the ledge of the wall, with only my feet in the darkness. It was a marvelous feeling! Do people really feel like this all the time?

I must go now. I wanted to write this, but unfortunately I am at work, so I retreated to the bathroom for a quick entry. I must get back before my absence is noticed....

Been far to long since I blogged anything of importance...

A month.. how does that long of a time go by without the posting of anything in my life?? I really need to make time at least once every couple of days to record my thoughts and stuff that goes on. Maybe I wouldn't be as stressed and be able to sleep more easily!

Grr... I will start again with my blogging more regularly I swear!

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Aquateen theme song...

ekkkk, they changed the Aquateen Hungerforce theme song!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..... I love that show, but the theme song is so odd now... I hardly get to catch the show, so who knows when they really changed it..

Anyway, the first one was much MUCH better...

that is all, back to your regularly scheduled programming!

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

trouble sleeping again...

...but what else is new?? Almost 3 am, and still sitting here. I was in bed, but hopped right back out again after five minutes. TV is off.. house is quiet... ho hum.... I should go try it again, maybe jane will get off and I will be good..... or fall asleep during..... I want to get up in less then six hours so I have time for a shower before clouds grooming appointment.. I get to see Jeff, I am excited!!

He has an appointment on Thursday, then we may know more of what can happen, with experience and knowledge backing it up instead of our own speculation... I am nervous, but he doesn't seem to be. He must be a very good actor if he is...

Well, I think this blog is just all for me...

... Jeff is the only one who has this blog's web address, and I don't think he's looked at it at all. He didn't seem that interested when I emailed the link to him in an email that I wrote him, when I mentioned the email later... ah well, It's really not that important and that just means I can forget all about readership and just write anything in my head. I usually censor myself, and my thoughts that I put out when others are present, who doesn't? But there are so many things in my life (and absent from my life) that bug the hell out of me... now I can express them without worrying about the possible responses that I would get...

Today at work was hell again, and when I came home with mother on lunch, she was in such a rush to get back early that I left my purse on the counter with my car keys. I realized this when I finally got to clock out. I was on the phone with Jeff, and he said he would come give me a ride to the house to get the keys and then back to work to pick up my car. How amazing is he?? I would've walked home, but he didn't like that idea... wasn't safe, I totally understand where he was coming from. Once he realized where I usually park, he didn't like that idea either! I promised I would park with the rest of humanity from now on. (I usually park at the side of the building, back by the grocery loading docks.)

It was very nice to see him unexpectedly, and to get to kiss him and cuddle next to him in the car. I love him so much, and missed him horribly all day. His new job's schedule and my work schedule don't mesh well, so our time together is rare lately. It will all work out though, and it will get better someday.

Saturday, April 7, 2007

What a wonderful night...

I had the day off, and so slept in for the first time in I don't know how long. I woke up about noon, dealt with a few things around here and then talked to Marsha on the messenger a bit. About 3:00, I hopped in the shower. Around four, I went over to Jeff's. I missed him terribly after being apart for a few days. This week has been hellacious, but it has started to cool down. There is still things to worry about, and I do. But I don't want to.. I know it probably will all work out. I just worry to much I suppose...
Anyway..... We ended up going to Kirk and Marsha's, and then went to the video rental place. Never did I think that spending what feels like an eternity in a rental place would be fun. Jesus, I was ready to go after less then ten minutes. Kirk and Marsha took awhile finding what they wanted though.


We had a pleasant dinner of steaks and mashed potatoes. they were talking about different things through dinner, so I didn't get a chance to get any feedback on what I was going to bring up.. there is always another day though. After that, we watched a movie. i didn't catch the name, but it had to be the most boring movie on the planet. I'm not just being complainy today, Jeff thought so to. K&M wanted to watch V for Vendetta after that, but we headed home. it's freaking cold outside!!!

After we arrived back home, we curled up for a few minutes of television, then he went to the gas station. After he came back, we cuddled some more, and that led way to an amazing time! It was WOW.......

I started to fall asleep watching TV, so i came home. And now, forty-five minutes later I am typing this really boring description that doesn't do my day justice. Every moment together with Jeff is amazing and better then the moment before. I think I may try to spruce it up tomorrow. I should go off to bed now...

seana

Friday, April 6, 2007

cant sleep...

just that.. nothing much to say about it.. still fully dressed, and looking at the clock every ten minutes......

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

oh lord...

..i saw it in the paper today. Not just in the arrest section, but 4A.. not good... I wish I could get a hold of every paper that was distributed today and clip that section out. I'd even give the rest of the paper back to the reader, no harm no foul. I don't know if I should have told him I saw it, but it seemed important that he knows, so if he is asked about it he can have a prepared statement to throw back at them instead of being caught off guard..

It literally feels like...

a eternity since the events that took place this morning. I know now that I was exaggerating on any other day that I said were long and felt like a eternity, because now I truly now know what that phrase means.

After I left here this morning, I went over to Kirk and Marsha's, and waited for them to be ready, then we took off for downtown. (God, it's surreal talk it like it was less then 24 hours ago, it feels like another lifetime) We made it to the courthouse fifteen 'til eight and waited for the hour to come. (...and waited... and waited.....and waited some more). Eight to the court system really means nine to the rest of us apparently. His lot came up about a quarter to ten. We all held our breath when his name was called. The judge stated the charge, told the possible penalty, and as he signed the papers, "You're released on your own recognizance". A weight, so heavy, was partially lifted off my chest as I closed my eyes and said "Thank God". Kirk and Marsha also breathed quiet sighs of relief. We immediately left, and Kirk took Marsha to work while I walked down the block to wait for him to be processed. About forty five minutes later and we were greeting him in the waiting area. It was so nice to have his arm around me and to be receiving his kiss once more. It's a relief that we didn't have to come up with any bond to get him out. There is still a horrible pressure as to what will come to pass in three weeks however. It scares me to death as to what the outcome will be.

We went to BK for lunch and then Kirk dropped us off at my car and we drove back over to Jeff's. We cuddled and talked for about an hour and then I had to leave to go to work. i was supposed to work 12-9, but while we were waiting on him to get out I called JoAnn and told her my appointment was running later then I expected it would have and told her I would make it by one. Which I did.

Jeff had his orientation today for his new job at Target. It sounds like it will be an okay position, working overnights stocking the floor and doing freight. He seems to like what he has heard about it so far. After I got off of work, I got two things of water which was needed for our water cooler and picked up a few things. It's positively freezing again outside, it feels like December instead of April. BRRRR!
I surprised him at his apartment when he got home from the orientation, I didn't tell him that I was there. He called me as soon as he got out to his car to come home, and talked to me all the way and then he saw my car there. I was waiting for him by the stairs. God, I love that man so much!


Some more cuddling followed when we got inside, and we watched 'Fight Club' starring Brad Pitt. That is an absolutely awesome movie!!! It is now one of my favorites. He ordered Papa John's that we ate during it, and afterwards some intense lovin' took place. He is so incredible at everything! Not just in the lovin' department, but in the wonderful things that he says and does all the time. Afterwards, we fell asleep in each others arms on the couch for a bit. That is one feeling that I love out of many that I have when we are together. To wake up, even from just a nap, in his arms is the most wonderful thing I can think of to do. I cant wait until it can be everyday! I want him for all of time, to be there holding me close and being safe in his arms and I want to be there for him as well in every way that he needs.

It is positively freaking me out what will come of all of this. Not just a mild freaking out either, its the kind of freaking out that every time I think about it, my breath catches in my lungs and I cant breathe. He's meeting with the lawyer on his next day off and then we will know more about what might happen.

I best get off line and get some more sleep. I have to be at work at ten, and it is a quarter past four now. I hope he is sleeping well as I type this.

-Seana

(it is really 4:25 when I am finishing this, I don't know why the time stamp is so off!) It says on my screen that I posted it at 3:47.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Rainy, stormy mornings...

do not bring a good vibe to the events that unfold later. In two hours we will know more of the outcome, which will dictate our further actions. I laid down at eleven last night, and was awake every half hour to forty five minutes. I actually had to make myself stay in bed until five this morning. Already took a shower and getting dressed. I need to leave here in no later then forty five minutes, getting dressed and ready will take about a half hour.

My head is still spinning, and I can't think of much anything to write. Not that I am thoughtless, my head is full of them, but none of them will slow down enough in their cycle in my mind for me to pin them down and express them.

I best go get ready, the rain will slow my driving and I want to be there early. I don't know if I will actually be able to be in there, but I want to be as close as possible. I love him, and I want to be there for him regardless if he knows I am there or not.

-seana

Monday, April 2, 2007

what a night.....

oh god, it was so horrible. To see him in that situation, and not be able to do anything about it. Kirk and Marsha are the best friends anyone could ask for, and they came through tonight. I don't know what I would do without them... I hope the morning goes well, and he can walk out of there. I fear the worst however, though they say that it won't be that. What a fucking ambush though.

10,000 dollars, that is messed up. No way that it is that, if anything. maybe in combination of all three, but that isn't right. My head is spinning, so many thoughts, incoherent at best. Need sleep, won't be able to get a good night rest. Need to be up at five, take a shower, be over there at seven and have it at eight. his new job starts tom marrow, wonder how we will deal with that. By his side all the way, that's what it's all about. I love him with all my heart... it and my mind, body, and soul is all his forever and ever. He won't ever have to worry about that. Through good times and bad, i hope this shows through better then what i fear.

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Coralville, Iowa, United States