I miss him. I mean more than just friends missing friends.
I can't have him. I know this, and it's quite clear that nothing has changed.
But that doesn't lead to a change in my feelings. I want him, need him, can't have him.
But, damn it, I want him and to be his forever..
That doesn't help me decide in the slightest where to go from here. It seems as if I can't go forward, yet I can't go back.
I feel like I am stuck in a invisible quicksand..not exactly drowning, at least not yet, but unable to change my position.
I'm at a loss of words to describe how I am, emotionally and over-all. (I know, right? Dear reader, I bet you are thinking, 'Wow.. it must be serious. A loss of words from the blogger who writes books? AMAZING.'
But I am. I don't have any clue where to begin sorting things out and expressing myself. And that's not good. How do I expect myself to be heard to those who need to hear, and make possible changes if I can't articulate myself to them?
(What a fancy word, articulate. It's one of my favorites, I think. What a nerd I am..)
Dear reader, do you have any ideas how I might make my way around the roadblock in my mind?
Also..do you have any words you especially like? (CLEAN! Not dirty! Be nice here.. but tell me what you like best in the English (or non-English) English..Definitions would be great as well, if it's a lesser known word..we could all stand to learn a new thing once and awhile, I think!)
Oh.. I feel so lost...
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12 comments:
I really know how you feel hun. I've been down this road and it's a hard road to go down. If there is no sense in trying to regain anything with this man, then its time to let him go. Yes, I know, that's obvious isn't it? And it's always harder to SAY thing than to DO them. I've sort of rewired myself to be able to let someone go easier than what I used to be capable of. When I know its coming or if it has already passed, I allow myself to cry, to feel utterly crushed and then I do whatever I have to, to take my mind off that person. I sit them in a far corner of my mind and I eliminate them from any place that will bring them to mind. Such as, if said person is a top friend on a site, then simply remove them for a while until you can better deal with it. I also remove pictures if they exist and try to take away things that would remind me of said person, such as a gift or a song (do not play the songs no matter how tempting unless you just can't help it). And lastly, and I know you've heard it yet can't help yourself, you MUST refrain from emailing or calling or anything else this person until you can be sure you've distanced yourself enough. I don't have any idea if anything I've said is going to help you but at least I tried. :)
:(
I wish I had some answers for ya hun, but there never seem to be any easy answers when it comes to love. You can either run away from it or run toward it...never seems to be a middle ground.
I cannot just 'remove him'.. he is the love of my life, and he completely has my heart and soul, body and mind......I just am not permitted to have him in my life the way that I wish, I think..
lost" is really the only best possible way TOO describe what you're feeling right now.
Time heals all. That's all I can say. I'm sorry that THAT doesn't help you right NOW...but it will eventually get better.
I love the word, "Whilst". I once dated a guy just because he said that word....then later broke up with him because he said "Cashew" weird.
I'm a dork too....
"I wish I had some answers for ya hun, but there never seem to be any easy answers when it comes to love. You can either run away from it or run toward it...never seems to be a middle ground."
I know! It so totally sucks. This sort of happiness thing never works out long term for me.. you would think I'd be used to that fact by now..
"lost" is really the only best possible way TOO describe what you're feeling right now.
Time heals all. That's all I can say. I'm sorry that THAT doesn't help you right NOW...but it will eventually get better."
WHEN might it eventually get better? another month? a year? I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, in fact.. I want to back up and go back the way I came.. but unfortunately, I can't yell at the world, "STOP! I need to get off for a minute or two.. or ten..." I'm tired of feeling lonely, I just want what I had a year and a half ago.. :(
Loneliness; is the heart seeking a piece it feels it has lost.
Strength; is the heart knowing it can love again
I know that you can't just cut him out, I'm just offering some thoughts on what you can do that might help alleviate things for a little while.
Oh, I am so there with you. I could have written this myself, I know how you feel. I have no advice for you, as I am seeking the same answer myself. Good luck.
I can Understand, and feel the pain. As for the block. All I can suggest is wall it off within.
I tend to get rid of blocks in my head by physically destroying something that symbolizes the block(a little toy wooden block works well).
As I have said before, 'dwelling'. :(
Your Dear Reader
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