My Life Wishlist..

First, and foremost..


Go Barack! Rock ON!


Okay.. now back to what I was going to say..

Today I had a meeting with my Sales Director for MaryKay and she asked me a few times in the meeting (in different ways) what I wanted from myself and my life. Yes, I have been asked this before..many millions of times..but today I started to really think about it. And I am tired of suppressing what I desire, want, and need without at least discussing it first with those that matter to me and in the goals that I want to establish for my life.

I want this:



Yes, I want a wedding. Not only a beautiful wedding..but a happy marriage. A wedding lasts only one day (or week if you have a honeymoon). But a happy marriage can last a lifetime.

I was engaged once. Almost married a total and complete loser. He wouldn't even let me chose the colors for our wedding. I wanted red and white and silver accents. He said red was NOT a wedding color, and besides it's a whore color. (Excuse me???) And then he said how about yellow, the RIBBON is on sale.. (true story!) And my wedding dress? I had to buy it from a second hand consignment shop, because he said, 'why spend a lot on a dress you'll only wear once?'. Admittedly, it was pretty with puffed sleeves and a princess skirt and lots of shiny beads...but A SECOND HAND wedding dress??? As a matter of fact, here it was, so you can get a visual:



I'll probably blog more about that particular loony individual sometime in the future, enough about him for the moment!

ANYWHO...

Which brings me to this, I want:



No, not a pretty picture of a heart. I want love. Unconditional, all-consuming LOVE. Is that too hard to ask for?



So, so far I've covered that I want a pretty wedding, a happy marriage, and love... Might all seem the same, but really three different things...

I desire to have at least one child. I don't want to be so old that I can't enjoy them and do everything that I want with them. I know other's children annoy me, but I still want to experience motherhood and raising a little munchkin of my own.

I am currently driving a 2000 Ford Focus, and I hope desperately to have it paid off by the end of winter and be driving something else..maybe like this:



My car is running on it's last legs (wheels?) and won't last much longer, I am afraid.

So, dear reader, I included lots of pretty pictures for you to look at tonight..tell me..what is it that YOU want out of life?

A thing for the ladies..

"I`m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe

I am very much considering making this particular quote my signature from now on. It is what it is, and what you may make of it.

I'm tired of having to conform what others want and demand from me. I am who I am, and if you can't handle every aspect of me, then you need to admit it and either open up your expectations or drop them altogether.

I cannot be the only one in the world that feels like this. Am I?

What a nasty business it is..

I know there is one major topic buzzing in America right now, with less than one month left until it's conclusion. I usually try to write about everything and anything that I think of, and that I have an opinion about. This one I have remained mumm about, however.

It's a nasty word, and a nasty business.

Politics.

Dear reader, unless hell freezes over, or pigs start flying with red capes, you won't find another entry concerning it in my blogs besides this brief one.

Barack Vs. McCain.

McCain Vs. Barack.

Round and round it goes, I am sure you have experienced this lately: In your work's break room, at school, at home. With friends, family, or neighbors.. if you prefer one and someone else prefers another, it turns into an offensive craziness rather soon into the debate.

Calm, rational discussion evades most minds rather quickly with the subject of the election or politics in general. People are set on who they will vote for, and will throw statement after statement at you, not giving you much time to think and formulate rapid-fire responses.

This is where I have an issue. I could (could, not will) tell you who I will vote for on November 4th, but in real-time conversation, I cannot remember facts, dates, and reasons why exactly. My mind is not built for that sort of thing, and additionally, I am the worst debater in history. I freeze up.

Don't get me wrong. I know the EXACT reasons I am voting for who I am voting for, when I am reading articles and interviews concerning the candidates and can run my brain through my mental files of facts. But pit me against someone else, and those facts and statistics just fly out of my head.

Just a warning, dear reader, if you are reading this and get the bright idea to ask me who I am voting for, don't be surprised if the topic of conversation changes to something else, say perhaps, my love of the RevoStyler brush, or the annoyances of the Ford brand, or pigs flying with red capes.

Re-fried Brains..

I haven't blogged for a bit of time.. but not much new to blog about really.

I am in the middle of writing a major term paper for my psychology class, that's the biggest thing going on for me right now.. My brain is fried from all the writing I've been doing on that, and I cannot seem to form more than one or two coherent sentences here at the moment.

Here's your chance, dear reader..what's going on with you?

Happy Halloween!!!

What does it tell you when I couldn't even get in the mood for my favorite holiday of the year?

Anyway, I tried finding a good link to my favorite music video of all-time, Michael Jackson's Thriller. I watch that every year on Halloween, and have since I was two years old! (seriously! That's a long tradition to have, don't you think?)

I have it on VHS, but that doesn't help my readers out to watch it with me, does it?

So, instead, I have included Michael Jackson's 'Ghost' video. Lots of great costumes, and a great plot as well. Not to mention awesome dance moves!

Enjoy! (and Happy Halloween! Bahahahahahaha!)

So...yeah... the theme song of my life

LyricsHanson - �strong enough to break lyrics

What a weekend!

My constant readers should know by now that music is essential to me, and I use it to illustrate a specific point or describe something that is going on with me, whether it is mentally, emotionally or else wise.

Tonight is no different. (I apologize if you were hoping for a change, save those hopes for election day, and just roll with me here! :P)

I think this past weekend could be summed up with a particular song, and that would be Toby Keith's 'You Shouldn't Kiss Me Like This'.

(I tried finding a link for the music video on You Tube, but all of them were disabled.. grrr)

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Anyway, yes. It was a weekend I will be thinking about for quite awhile to come.

My Friday was like every other Friday I have. I worked, came home, took a long, hot, relaxing, candlelight shower. I curled up in bed, exhausted shortly before nine and fell asleep. I woke up to a knock at my door. It was someone I hadn't seen in FAR to long.

Jeff was standing at my doorstep. I was half-asleep, so I didn't give him all the kisses that he deserved, but I sure tried. It was so good to see him again.

(Good lord, let me tell you. It's freaking distracting to see Kimmy's steamy messages about her beau popping up on the corner of my screen while I am trying to type this! But, at least she's fulfilled.. I know she's going to kill me for this interruption of my own blog!!! Love ya hun!!)

ANYWAY.

He didn't stay for long on Friday night, I had to get up super-duper early, and work from 7-4. I was going to go over to see him and K & M after I came home, took a shower, and got ready.. but after I got off from work I ended up taking my brother to the emergency room, and we didn't get out of there until about 6:30 or so. Then, I rushed home, hopped in and out of the shower.. and went over there.

We went downstairs and had some rather..heated..discussion about what we were going to go eat and do for the evening, and then headed out to Burger King. I haven't ate out in FOREVER it seems, I had a whopper, fries, Diet Coke, and a YUMMY piece of pie. Jeff had already eaten with K&M, so he just got a soda.

Then we headed back and watched V for Vendetta, and curled up tight. It was a wonderful evening, even with it's late start.

I had to work 10-7 on Sunday, blech.. checked most of the time. I hate checking, and I hate the fact that they are yanking me up there every freakin' chance that they get. (But I try to remind myself that it's a piece of cake compared to what Joshua and the other troops have to face each and every day overseas.)

I also try to remind myself that I am working to get myself out of there, and permanently. Speaking of which, I ordered my business cards for my MaryKay business, did I mention that before? I can't wait for them to arrive. I had another meeting with Lynn last night, and we went over a few aspects of running the business part of things, and I feel really good and excited about it!

Speaking of feeling good, after work on Sunday, I got to see Jeff again. I ate dinner over there, and then we decided to go see Quarantine. We had been wanting to see that, and the last showing was at ten o'clock, so we made it in time.

(I'll write another entry about THAT particular movie.. it was...horrific.....)

We fit in a lot more intimacy after we arrived back there, and watched Constantine. THAT was a good movie, I hadn't seen it before.

And we kissed.

And cuddled.

And kissed some more.

That's ALL the details about that particular aspect of the weekend that you are getting, dear reader. The rest are for us to know, and you...well, not to know.

Anyway.

He had to go back on Monday, and I threatened to kidnap him and keep him in the trunk of my car.. for some reason, he didn't think that was feasible. I don't understand, why? I would've fed him, and made air holes for him, and everything! Jeez..some people, I tell you!!

He is a wonderful, sweet, loving and caring man.. and proved that once again before he left town on Monday. I wasn't expecting to see him before he went back. Hoping, yes..expecting, no.

But, I was working in the back with my bins and stuff, when JoAnn came back and told me I had a visitor. It was Jeff coming to tell me good-bye before he left. (I snuck in a kiss before he left.. ooohhh!)

Low budget sometimes DOES equal goodness!

I was going to catch up my lovely readers with the wonderful, but rather way too short weekend I had...but just as I was sitting down to write this breathtaking and mesmerizing blog, I was sent a link.

For a video.

A freakin' forty-five minute video.

Now, I am free with the knowledge that I do NOT have the attention span to sit ANYWHERE for the length of a half-hour sitcom show, (with commercials,) let alone anything longer. But since it was Jeff that asked..(told).. me too.. I undertook the task at hand, and made myself sit, staring at the oddly 3-D (but really 2-D) monitor of my p.o.s. computer, for the entirety of the time.

And I did.

And I liked it.

And I even had a lollipop :) (Come on, we are all adults here, but who doesn't like to suck (A LOLLIPOP!!) every once in awhile?) I forgot how much I like them. Which reminds me, dear reader.. don't forget to tell me to tell you (say that three times fast!) about the weirdo guy that was staring at me from the third floor window of the old Cyber-Cafe while I was studying.

Weirdo.

Anywhoo.

Before I got so rudely interrupted by myself, I was trying to get around to telling you what the video was that distracted me from my wonderfully dull blog and my wonderfully interesting readers.

It's called Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. Have you heard about this thing?

Neither had I. Apparently it was made during the writer's strike, and made very low-budget. The main character is actually Neil Patrick Harris, who was Doogie Howser, M.D. (Remember that old show??)

My review? Not too shabby. Much better than some of the high-tech, high cost films that we now have to pay 17.00 dollars for a pair of tickets to see.

That reminds me, dear reader. Remind me to tell you about 'Quarantine'. I'd give it a pass if you were at ALL squeamish at Horror movies, and even if you love movies such as ''The Devil's Rejects'' and 'Halloween'.

The link? Oh yeah, you must have that! Don't forget a bag of pop-corn and a tall drink! Let me know what you think of it, if you actually watch it all the way through! (Even if you don't, leave something to read anyway!)

Bouncing all around the place...

Quite a week, it has been.

Long, but boring for the most part. However, the fun is just starting.. I hope.

*ponders* Where to start, where to start?


Yes, I know the beginning is always a great place to start.. but my mind jumps around anyway, so why not start somewhere..say in the middle?

Not that there is much to tell anyway, but the middle is an awesome place to start.... (ummm...lost track of my thought there.. thanks Kimmy for your IM window distracting me! Tsk Tsk!)

Last Thursday, I had a Mary-Kay facial care consultation with a lady that also works at the Dungeon with me. I ended up splurging on some nice makeup for myself, and a lip care kit. Then.. I had an idea plague my thoughts all weekend. What if I started selling Mary-Kay myself? I could build up my own business like I've always wanted, and eventually have a way to support myself without having to work at the dungeon.

I thought about it, and thought about it. (For those that I've told about this new endeavor and who weren't too thrilled nor happy sounding for me, move on a few paragraphs so I don't hear your groaning!! It's a chance for me to do something that I really like and too help people buy what makes them look and feel better. So...shush!)

Resuming....And on Tuesday, I submitted my contract and placed my order for my initial Mary-Kay Sales Kit. How freakin' exciting is that??

Lynn, my sponsor, told me it should arrive by the middle of next week.. won't she be surprised when I email her and tell her it's HERE already?? WOOHOO!!! My business cards/kit should be arriving in the next week or two.

So, that's good news :)

(The interstate is REALLY loud tonight.. jeepers! It sounds like they are moving the road to go right through my bedroom or something..)

Onto other good news: Jeff is arriving in town tomorrow evening for a weekend visit with Kirk and Marsha. I'll get to see him a few times, so that's good news..I think.

Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to see him. And kiss him. (Because, that is inevitable, to be honest with you, dear reader.)

I know where that will leave me on Tuesday. Lost even more than I am now. But still totally worth it, in my opinion.

So, he will be here from tomorrow night to either Monday or Tuesday.

Yes. I am still madly in love with him, just in case you were wondering..

Anywho.

I must admit, I was a bit of a bad girl on Tuesday..not in that way! I played hooky from classes. I know, I know.. shame on me. But I needed a day to myself. Besides, my psychology class was canceled, and we were just going to work independently in my accounting class anyway, so I didn't need to be there. I could study accounting here in the comfort of my home, and not have to change out of my pajamas! (Which I didn't.)

Are you still awake and reading this, dear reader? I really wouldn't blame you if you lost interest tonight.. not when I did the same exact thing a few times in writing! Leave me some love, and then class is done for the day :)

Sound bits of advice?

Thanks to HallMark, we have access to greeting cards for every occasion...whether it is breaking up or making up, new births or saddening death, or just because.

There is also sayings for everything you could ever possibly want a saying for. From Bible quotation for you religious folk, to adult comedy and every thing that falls in between.

There's the ever popular, "The best way to get over one guy is too get under another."

Is it just me, or is soooo many females saying that now-a-days? I was involved in a break-up with my boyfriend last summer, and I was told this this nugget of wisdom countless times. Is that really the norm for women today?

Don't worry, I dismissed the idea. Perhaps it was contemplated...a few times.. but I ended up dismissing it on grounds of morals and all that good-girl stuff.

Another saying that I have had bouncing around my head for awhile is, "Never make a man a priority when he considers you an option."

I'm trying to decide if it applies to me in any way or not. Why else would it keep bouncing around like a mad person in a rubber room if it didn't? (**echoes of Larry the Cable Guy, "Lord I apologize for that one right there..."**)

What do you think, Dear Reader? Is either one of these quotes a sound bit of advice?

All You Need Is Love in a Revolution..

Yes, I could be considered a music hippie out of my time, but I have always loved The Beatles. John Lennon, of course, being my favorite.

I can remember the first time I ever heard them. I was four or five, and my best friend Amber had one of those plastic children's record players. Her parents had bought her a record with 'Yellow Submarine', and they played it one evening when I was staying over.

That night a music love was born. I have listened to their music on a regular basis and snag up records whenever I can, (and any other memorabilia pertaining to them that I can afford. Unfortunately, that's not much.)

I will forever be a Beatles fan. The video at the top of this entry is an original performance of The Beatles, 'Revolution'. I didn't realize just how many takes of the same performance there are. The first one I found was the best, but the embedding was disabled, so after another fifteen minutes of searching I bring you this copy.

One of my all-time favorite Beatles songs....Enjoy!

(As a closing thought, I have included another Beatles video, for those who don't like the tones and thoughts of 'Revolution'.) This performance is 'All You Need Is Love', and if people actually thought about the sentiments in this song, perhaps it would be all that we needed.

Long and Mindnumbing..

I know, I know.. it's been a few days since I've blogged anything 'real-life'. Don't hurt me! Wait.. um.. do..no.. NEVER MIND! That's a whole another topic!

*steers the conversation in a 180*

It's definately been a long, mind numbing week. Where to start, where to start?

Let's see. After I wrote my blog entry, 'History of Relationships'
, I thought I would see what Myron was up to. That was, if I could find him on myspace. Because, amazingly enough, not everyone has myspace. (I know, utter craziness, right?)

I did find his profile, and sent a friend request. I waited a week, and then figured that he didn't want to talk or never used his myspace page. (In my mind, probably the former.) But, lo and behold, (ooooohhh, I've always liked that phrase and finally got to use it!), a few days ago I got the update that he accepted my friend request and so I sent him a quick message. We've been talking off and on, catching up. So, that's pretty cool. He lives in Doha Qatar. We may talk back and forth for awhile, which I don't think I would mind in the slightest. He might come back to the states this holiday season...

And onto other news.. Jeff is coming into town next weekend! I have no idea how this is going to go, and how things will turn out. He's staying with Kirk and Marsha, and we will see each other while he is here. I think that is good news, don't you?

Last night I had a Mary-Kay 'class' with a co-worker, and it may just be the push I need. I just wrote a quick blog about it here: A possible career change


This entry is no particular time order, I must confess. But it may make for interesting reading that way? (Or so I could hope.)

Tuesday night, I think it was, Jimmy and I hung out for a few hours and watched TV. We caught most of the 2nd Crow movie.. City of Something-of-other.. I LOVED it. I want the set of movies. I've never seen them before, but that will change as soon as I buy them.

Also, this week, I was acting department manager, because JoAnn was on vacation. I didn't get any mods done though, and the price changes were late when I finally got to them this morning, but I did what I could, being just myself and Karen.

Hm. I think that is all there is for this week.

OOOOOHHHH yeah, one more thing. (If you aren't asleep yet, from reading this, dear reader?). Let me give you a tip of the day. Washing machines and cell phones do NOT mix. Wednesday night, I was soooo tired. I figured that I would stay up and start my last load of laundry so it would all be done together. Two hours later, I looked around and asked myself... "Now where is my cell phone?" Then, it dawned on me.. and a string of expletives followed me to the laundry room, where I opened the washer and immediately saw my cell phone in the bottom of the drum. Good news is that I have cell phone insurance, so a new phone is on it's way. Bad news is that they didn't have any more of my model in red :(. But, I am getting a Sony model instead, which sounds better than a Samsung. So.. the lesson to learn is Don't wash your cell phone, it doesn't like water. (Just in case you might've forgotten that small fact...)

A possible career change..

I've been in retail for over six years now, and I love helping people find what they want and performing my basic departmental manager duties. However, working for a large retail chain has began to drive me batty. I've been wishing for my own business, but know I don't have the money to start out a full new business right away.

I would love to branch out and do my own thing, selling things and helping people feel better about themselves.

Anyway, here's the deal: I was approached by a co-worker of mine about becoming a Mary-Kay Sales representative..I've been thinking about that particular thing for awhile anyway, and what I would love is your input on it. All I need is 125 dollars for the sales kit, and I can stock up on inventory as I go. (I can make back that much in what I'll be saving on their products.)

Do you think that I should step out and begin selling their products, with the goal of making that my career after I make enough regularly every month to tell my current job where they can go?

What is wrong with me?

I haven't felt well/good at all the last few days (more than usual). I even left work two hours into my shift. (ME. I NEVER call in sick or leave early. It's that darn work ethic, getting in the way, I guess.)

Music doesn't even energize me or motivate me right now. Usually, to get going in the morning, all I have to manage to do is start my morning play list,(I yack about it here,) and I'm off.

Not this morning. I played it, and during all four songs, all I managed to do was get dressed. And just basic dressing of clothes, not my jewelry.

I thought I would try a different song that always gets me moving along, but no avail. I just sat here. (Carrie Underwood's 'Before He Cheats' if you are interested, dear reader.)

What the heck is the matter with me lately?? Even when I am sick, music gets me moving at least a little bit. I was going to try to be at work in four minutes, but that's not going to happen. Maybe I'll make it by nine thirty, I'll write to you more later, dear reader..

Countdown Challenge

I have to thank Shauna, one of my favorite bloggers for this particular idea. Here is my personal countdowns, and items in each category are in NO particular order...

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People Right Now:

10. I never really wanted to date you, it was your brother. Dating you was the BIGGEST mistake of my life, you psycho freak.
9. I don't know if I could ever forgive you completely for not being there when I was growing up, and giving two other girls the daddy that I should have had.
8. Thank you for being there for me while we were younger. You were and are the best friend that I could ever ask for!
7. You talk way too DAMN MUCH!
6. I wish I could be as hot as you, and you have two gorgeous angels to boot!
5. Come to me, Come to me, Come to me!!!!!!!!!!
4. I want to kiss you. Badly. Right now. (Even though I can't, and I know that.)
3. Get up off your ass and do what you should be doing, you need to learn how to do things like a responsible adult!
2. Thank you for being there for me when my father abandoned us. I wouldn't be who I am today, without you.
1. Take this job and shove it!

Nine Things About Myself:
9. I HATE mornings, and can never get up on time. I hit my alarm for more than a hour every morning..
8. Driving anywhere terrifies me.
7. I have OCD. Never been diagnosed professionally, but I have to check everything three times before I can leave the house. Crazy, perhaps? Necessary, yes.
6. I love music. I can't live without it playing. I breathe it, it's a part of me. Music is my passion.
5. I can't sing worth a darn. However, if I could, I would quit my job, and sing professionally. I can memorize almost any song three times through it.
4. I can't look at a single animal without going, 'Awwww...' and wanting to take it home. I wish I could take in every stray that I hear about.
3. I love a clean house, but I hate cleaning.
2. The thought of fire taking over my house paralyzes me.
1. I have a really nice bumm..


Eight Ways To Win My Heart:
8. Play with my hair.
7. Think of me in small ways that really matter. (Like bringing me a flower, or calling me when I am not feeling well.)
6. Make me laugh.
5. Sing to me. Especially if you have a sexy voice.
4. Dance with me out of the blue.
3. Don't lie, cheat or steal. If you do, don't tell me.
2. Be romantic.
1. Did I mention, play with my hair?


Seven Things That Cross My Mind A Lot:
7. Did I leave the stove on?
6. What about my flat-iron, is that on?
5. Do I have to go to work again TODAY?
4. Why won't these balances equal out?!?!? *staring at my accounting spreadsheets*
3. Welcome to Wal-Mart, get your shit and get out! (Courtesy of Jeff Dunham and Walter!)
2. I cannot wait for Josh to be back home!!
1. Does fate always have to be so mean with love?


Six Things I Do Before I Fall Asleep:
6. Play Tetris
5. Take a long shower
4. Check my email
3. Drink a hot tea/cocoa
2. Surf the net
1. play with my puppy

Five People Who Mean A Lot:
5. My family (That's more than five :P)
4. Josh
3. Jeff
2. Kimmy
1. Cloudy (my puppy, but she counts anyway!)


Four Things I'm Wearing:
4. Black leather Jacket
3. Cream Color sweater
2. Blue Jeans
1. Red bra/panties

Three Songs I Listen To Often or 3 Bands/Artists:
3. Kid Rock, (Too Hot, All Summer Long, Cowboy..)
2. Trace Adkins, (Honkytonkbadonkadonk, Ladies Love Country Boys, Game On)
1. Toby Keith, (Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue, Should've Been A Cowboy)

Two Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
2. Have children and have the opportunity to raise them.
1. Travel.

One Confession:
1. This wasn't near as hard as I thought it would be!


Again, thank you Shauna!! This was very enlightening, and I got to get a few things out of my head as a bonus! If any of my dear readers do this particular challenge, please leave me the link so I can check it out!

Strong Enough To Break

"Strong Enough To Break"

I don't feel myself today
Just a figure in a big monopoly game
Struggle is the price you pay
You get just enough just to give it away
I'm sinking but I'm floating away
Throw me a line so I can anchor my pain
The fabric is about to fray
The fabric is about to fray

Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately
Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately
Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately

Things keep coming and I keep wondering
I start feeling the walls close in
Things keep coming and I keep stumbling
I start feeling I'm strong enough to break
Oh, I start feeling I'm strong enough to break

Been running through my mind today
Scenarios to add to your hypocrisy
No one ever takes the blame
But everyone is searching for a cure to the pain
Nothing ever seems to change
Oh, nothing ever seems to change
We just play like broken records in a deaf man's charade

Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately
Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately
Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately

Things keep coming and I keep wondering
I start feeling the walls close in
Things keep coming and I keep stumbling
I start feeling I'm strong enough to break
Oh, I start feeling I'm strong enough to break

Carry on just a pawn and the same old song
I'm still holding on

The fabric is about to fray

Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately
Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately

Things keep coming and I keep wondering
I start feeling the walls close in
Things keep coming and I keep stumbling
I start feeling I'm strong enough
Things keep coming and I keep wondering
I start feeling the walls close in
Things keep coming and I keep stumbling
I start feeling I'm strong enough to break
Oh, I start feeling I'm strong enough to break

((Sorry, about the audio quality.. but it's the best I could find. No, they don't lisp like that, relax and lay off the Hanson comments, okay? I'm really not in the mood, just a fair warning dear reader.))

This song really reflects how I feel right now. I just thought I would pass it along to you, it's really a good song. One of my favorites actually by them.



_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_


The video comment kindly left by my reader-Lady_Moonlight. The audio is MUCH better here.... enjoy!

Invisible quicksand, raising ever so slightly...

I miss him. I mean more than just friends missing friends.

I can't have him. I know this, and it's quite clear that nothing has changed.

But that doesn't lead to a change in my feelings. I want him, need him, can't have him.

But, damn it, I want him and to be his forever..

That doesn't help me decide in the slightest where to go from here. It seems as if I can't go forward, yet I can't go back.

I feel like I am stuck in a invisible quicksand..not exactly drowning, at least not yet, but unable to change my position.

I'm at a loss of words to describe how I am, emotionally and over-all. (I know, right? Dear reader, I bet you are thinking, 'Wow.. it must be serious. A loss of words from the blogger who writes books? AMAZING.'

But I am. I don't have any clue where to begin sorting things out and expressing myself. And that's not good. How do I expect myself to be heard to those who need to hear, and make possible changes if I can't articulate myself to them?

(What a fancy word, articulate. It's one of my favorites, I think. What a nerd I am..)

Dear reader, do you have any ideas how I might make my way around the roadblock in my mind?

Also..do you have any words you especially like? (CLEAN! Not dirty! Be nice here.. but tell me what you like best in the English (or non-English) English..Definitions would be great as well, if it's a lesser known word..we could all stand to learn a new thing once and awhile, I think!)


Oh.. I feel so lost...

Inadvertently Anti-Social..

I can't do it.

I just can't. Everyone around me, however, seems to find it easy as pie.

But not me.

I mean, I grew up as a half-time small town Midwestern Girl. I SHOULD be able to do it. Everyone in the small town of Oxford, IA can do it and do it every time they step foot out of their front door. I go to visit my second mom, and people are waving at me and smiling, saying hi and trying to start conversation. (People I don't recognize or remember in the slightest, remember me and want to catch up..)

I mean, I try every day, EVERY DAY, to make eye contact and smile at people around me.

I fail at (almost) every attempt to smile and say hi to complete strangers, or people that I haven't talked to very often. I mean, I'm thinking 99% failure here...It's apparently not in my programming.

You know how hard that makes my job in public retail? The customers smile and me, and expect small talk to come pouring out of my mouth. Not so easy, sorry.

It's not that I don't try. I mean, most of the time I see someone walking my direction and think, 'Smile at them, say hi...something! Quit being so anti-social!!' . Then the person walks by, I look the other way and failure. I can't get myself to do it.

Why????

(It's always been this way, just been getting worse lately. When I was growing up, it took me a few months to get used to my classmates, another month or two to actually start talking to them, and then another month or two to start sitting with them in the lunch room and in class. Think about it.. that's most of the school year gone in that time. Summer would come around before you knew it, and then I would have to start all over again with most of my classmates the next year...)

Do you know anyone like this? Are you like this?

Do you have any clues to this annoying phenomen, dear reader? Do you have any suggestions for me?

Help!!!!!

Love Me If You Can

I'm sure you've realized it by now, actually I'm sure you've realized two things by now. One, that I relate to music and use it to help me relate to you, dear reader; and two, that I like Toby Keith and country music in general.

This particular Toby Keith song really shows another side of him, and excluding the religion references, I think that it reflects how I want other people to view me. Does that make sense, dear reader?

Many people I know may not like(or understand why I do,) what I do, or what propels my thinking.. but all I want is for others to accept me for who I am, and possibly love me for who I am.

That's all that I ask. All that I can offer as a person/friend/daughter/sister/significant other is all that I am.. nothing more, nothing less.


Is that enough for you?

History of relationships..

I've been thinking a bit lately about different conversations I've had in the past with friends and the different relationships I've had. Well, by 'a bit', I really mean A LOT. For some reason, my brain keeps replaying and reviewing different conversational tidbits, and dissecting the various relations I've had with those I've dated.

For instance, I had this friend named Adam, who really started out as solely my brother's friend. He told EVERYONE that he met (when I was around), that he had known me since I was knee high to a grasshopper *laugh*. He is the same age as my brother, who is an astonishingly eight years, one month, and twelve hours older than I.

This is the same guy that told me I had a 'barbie doll' kind of body, when I was 17-18.. I STILL don't see how he saw that. Yeah, if Barbie lost all of her boobs, and was marketed as a Midwestern Plain Jane.. maybe then..perhaps with a head sized paper bag sold separate? However, I don't think that would make much money..

I have been thinking also about the various guys I have dated. I've always been attracted to bad boys, but they are no good for me! Let's see.. there have been the following:

Myron.. *whoops* I'm ashamed to say, but almost forgot about him!! I only remembered when I was proofreading this! He was the first 'date' I ever had. We went to my ninth grade homecoming together, and dated for about a month. He was the first guy I ever kissed. We kept a 'notebook' back and forth, together during that time.. makes me laugh to think about it now.
He ended up with one of my closest friends at the time, Liz. He went into the service after he graduated, they ended up married and they stayed together for quite some time. Unfortunately, that didn't work out, and they divorced. I haven't really talked to either one of them in years, I got the situation recap from him when I saw him at my work about four or five years ago. He was a sweet guy.

Gabe...he was way older than me, my first actual 'boyfriend'. Never did anything physical together, and we were broken up/together about half/half the time. At one point, we went on a 'break', and he proceeded to stay that weekend with a girl he knew from high school..because I wouldn't do anything with him. He knocked her up, and that was the end of us.

Mike...I think he was the baddest boy of them all. He transferred to my school a few weeks into tenth grade. I met him around the time Gabe and I started dating.. THAT lasted a full week, until he realized he wasn't getting anywhere with me, and dumped me for a friend of mine..I see him every once and awhile while I am working, but we don't talk anymore. It's a shame really.. he was a cool guy. Did drugs, drank, and caused trouble, but he was cool. Teachers HATED him.. but I wonder why?

Jeremiah and I dated my junior year of high school, for about nine or ten months. We were pretty serious, I had his class ring on a necklace around my neck, remember how big of a deal that was to us in high school??

We were together ALL the time during the week when I wasn't in school and he wasn't at work. He went out every weekend though, dancing, decked out in cowboy ware..and had several 'escapade's', including one with a friend of mine. He dumped me for her, and they are married to this day with two little kids. So, at least it worked out for him, I'm happy for them.

After that, I didn't date anyone for a few years, until the spring/summer after I graduated high school. I was seventeen at the time, and I ended up dating this guy named Josh, who idolized Eminem. I met him through my best friend at the time, and we hung out with a group of friends at the mall every weekend. He was sweet and thoughtful.. but had many, many issues.. He ended up breaking up with me cryptically on the phone one day. Turns out he got another girl pregnant. (I pieced that together later, from reports from his mom and friends.)

After THAT, I took a couple years off again. That's when I met a guy from work. We had such an amazing physical attraction right from the start. I think the first thing we talked about was the sex scene from Eminem's Eight Mile. (Which is the HOTTEST sex scene found in any general movies, in my opinion.) Did I mention an immense physical attraction was present between us, every time we were together?

The first ever 'romantic' date I had was courtesy of him. He made spaghetti and had candlelight. (Ohlala..)...

...And then I beat his butt at Super Mario Brothers that night *laugh*..we dated for a month or two, until he dumped me for another chick at work..

(Good news, though, we are once again friends. I am very happy for him, he has matured and became a wonderful person with a wonderful wife and beautiful baby. Note: his wife is not that chick that he dated after me.)

Do you see any pattern here, dear reader? Meet a guy, refuse to do all of that hanky-panky stuff, and eventually get dumped for a chick that did..

Anyway...

Then came a break, and I ended up with a psycho minister wanna be, who wanted me to become a barefoot, always pregnant, preacher's wife for the rest of my life, smiling and nodding at everything he said. I found THAT out a year into the relationship, and it took seven months or so for him to get the clue that I was done with him. He was just far too clingy and ended up stalking me. Crazy dude ended up following me across state lines when I went to stay with a friend, to think about things and eventually break up with him via phone. Then he had the GALL to tell everyone at work, and his friends/family that I was the reason that he had to start going to a psychiatrist. Yeah, dude.. I am the reason you are a certifiable nut case.. uhuh, we'll go with that.. Idiot.

I ended up falling head over heels for one of my friend's friends when I went to Nebraska to break up with psycho minister guy. We were inseparable most of the time I was over there. My friend ended up moving back home to Iowa not long after that, and Jeff followed him. We dated a total of almost three years, and were very happy for the majority of that time. We were completely and utterly attracted to each other on every level: physical attraction, mentally, and just everything. However, we currently are trying to figure out the whole 'friends' thing, since we broke up in July. Distance does not bode well for relationships.. *sad* But, if you look in my blog entries, you know just how much he still means to me..


And that brings me to where I am now.. single and contemplative.

I don't know what comes next, or really why I wrote this.. but for everything there is a reason, even if we don't realize at the time.

There's only a few guys in that mix that mean anything to me, and even though it's only in a friend capacity, I feel very blessed to have them both still in my life. The others can go fly a kite for all that I care.. *laugh* Either that, or I have no idea what's going on with them anymore, and don't know them from...well, from Adam.. as the saying goes! (Which makes a funny circle of an ending, don't you agree, dear reader?)

Livin' Our Love Song...

..well, we aren't. But that's the song that is playing right now on my media player.


I know that Jeff HATES country, but while we were dating 'Livin' Our Love Song' by Jason Michael Caroll was released. Every time I heard it, it reminded me of Jeff and I, and our wonderful relationship. I don't know why exactly, but it did.

And tonight, it came on while I was talking to him on messenger. I found it for you, dear reader, on Youtube.com.. See the blue link in the paragraph above? That will take you straight to it :P

Please have a watch, even if you don't like country. Jason Michael Carol has a GREAT voice, and it's a sweet love song. (Not to mention, he had great hair in this video lol..)



I now think it is time to go lay down.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear reader, the lyrics are also below for you to peruse..


Livin' Our Love Song Lyrics
Jason Michael Caroll

Baby when I look at you with your hair fallin' down in your baby blues
Standing there across the room I get so lost in the way you move
It makes me reminisce back ten years ago on a night like this
Teary eyed as you took my hand and I told you that I'd be your man
So many things have come so many things have gone
One thing that's stayed the same is our loves still growing strong

{Chorus}
Baby just look at us all this time and we're still in love
Something like this just don't exist
Between a backwoods boy and a fairy tale princess
People said it would never work out
Living our dreams and shattered all doubts
It feels good to prove 'em wrong
Living our love song

Oh darling would you look at me
With my heart beating fast and my shaking knees
It's pretty hard to believe after all these years I still need you this badly
You're dancing in my arms with a spotlight moon in a sea of stars
Oh girl we've come so far everything I want is everything that you are
Just want to lay you down
Say I love you without a sound
I think you know what I'm talking about

{Chorus}

{Chorus}

It feels good to prove 'em wrong
Just living our love song

Personal censorship, right or wrong?

People are funny.

I don't mean 'haha' funny, but just funny in not so good ways. I know that many of my readers didn't catch the second blog entry that I wrote last night. It was titled, 'Confessions' and it consisted of me trying to work things that are festering in the back of my mind.

It was posted less than ten minutes, before one of my readers (who it involved), became very angry over it. They defended themselves, with some valid points..I then made the entry 'private'. However, some of their validity escaped when they basically told me that I had it wrong, and I needed to state the facts. I would like to question how my feelings are wrong? Everyone perceives things differently. And I wrote how I felt about the particular events, and the current situation. Yet, I am wrong.

Yes, there are two sides to every story. The truth lies somewhere in the middle. I had teacher after teacher in my schooling say that, in reference to many written accounts of events, and to many parts of current situations and past historical events.

Regardless, I had made the blog entry private, as to not create any more chaos, or 'waves'. And I didn't limit that restriction to just my major blog. I also deleted it off of my fubar profile, my spicepad profile, and made it private on my myspace profile. I thought that would be the end of it. One person reading it, and no one else would be the wiser that it was ever written.

Wrong.

Not five minutes after I made my myspace entry private, I received a message from one of my readers. They complained that it was private and they wanted to read it. I declined, saying that it was a diary entry for me and apologized to them.

I then received a return message saying that blog entries are public, or are supposed to be. This particular reader wanted the details about what was in it 'or at least a hint'!!

So, I have gotten one reader upset that it was public without their side of the story to defend them..and then I have gotten another reader upset because they couldn't read it.

And I got upset with myself because I couldn't decide whether or not I should have made it public, private, or not written it at all!! I ended up in an disagreement with the person it involved, and really made my day crappy today with it's residue. I hate arguing with them, they are very important to me.

What do you think, dear reader?

Should I have censored myself? Should I keep some things unwritten? Do I have to make EVERY entry public for my readers?

Should I give the person a chance to write a rebuttal and republish that entry including it?

Is there areas of life that should be off-topic in my blogging endeavor?

It's All About The Beat..

Inspired once more by the wonderful Clever Girl Goes Blog writings, I have figured out my newest blog post. (Yes, that is a click-link. Go check her out if you have the time. You won't be sorry, she's a wonderful writer.)

I've been wanting to write a music post for some time, but I couldn't think of anything that wouldn't take a book to write. You know by now, how long my regular posts are!! If I were to write about something that I am extremely passionate about, you'd be old and grey before you were done reading it!


Anyway. Here is my shot at writing about music.

Music is something that comes so naturally to me.. it is a rare day when I don't have my car radio on, my MP3/cd player in my purse, or my computer spewing something with a beat out of the speakers.

I learned how to sing (horribly, but I started doing it anyway), as soon as I learned how to talk. At two years old, I knew most of Reba McEntire's 'Fancy' and by three years old I knew every word to Michael Jackson's 'Thriller'. (Even though I couldn't watch it in it's etireity, I always begged my mom to let it play on the TV and I covered my eyes! The cat eyes at the very end still freak me out!)

I couldn't begin to guess how many songs that I know the lyrics to, I hear a song and three times through it, I know the lyrics. There's the rare few that take a few more turns for me to memorize, but most of them I have down rather quickly. Even songs I don't like, I know. Go figure, huh?

Anywho. You get the point.

Music is as ESSENTIAL to me as the air I breathe. It bums me out that as much as I love singing, I am no good at it. I can make the dogs howl, I am sure. That is why I don't sing around ANYONE, unless it's so quietly you would think I am singing under my breath.

I have a hard time getting going in the morning, until I finally figured out the trick. I have a few select songs that I play almost every morning to get myself going. Call it my top five if you will.. and they are in this order for no other reason but because that is the order they are on in my media player.

So, here we go:

1. 'If You Want It To Be Good Girl, (Get Yourself A Bad Boy)
by... bet this will surprise you just a tad.. the Backstreet Boys. It's off of their debut album. (Remember WAY back when, you know back in 1997?) On some verisons of the album, it is the bonus track. On other albums, it doesn't appear at all. And it's clearly spelled out in the song EXACTLY what it is about. I'll try to remember later to link the titles with their lyrics so that you can read them, my lovely and dear readers.

2. 'Gimme More'
by Brittney Spears. Her album 'Blackout' has the majority of the songs in my morning routine. Even though this album was made and released during her breakdown year, it's still a wonderful album, with great beats and good lyrics. I bought it as soon as it came out, and was very pleasantly surprised.

3. Piece Of Me
, again by Miss Spears. Great song, again with a great beat (as all of the songs on this particular album). Written during the time of the year when all of the papparitzi were on her 24/7 TRYING to make her mess up more than she already was.

4. 'Radar'
. Yet another Spears track. The last one in my morning routine. Not one of my favorite tracks on the album, but still good.

Those four songs usually make it into my routine. If I have more time in the morning, I sometimes play some All 4 One..'She's Got Skillz' and 'The Bomb'

'Skillz' is definately clear about what it is about. It has a good beat, and surprisingly was played on the TV series, "Family Matters'. (Very surprising, to me anyway, considering that series was definately family oriented.

The Bomb has a great beat as well and fun to listen to.


So there you have it. A music post, (boring as it may be), finally from me. There will be more, never fear! If you can't tell, I like music that has a good beat, and catchy lyrics. Those two factors are major in deciding what I want to listen to in the morning when I am trying to get motivated to get ready for work.

What do you think of these songs (and lyrics?) I bet most of them can be found on either www.playlist.com
or youtube.com
(music videos or tribute videos.)

Enjoy Dear Reader!

Same old craziness...

Okay. So I will try this again. Maybe I should include some pictures as well.

For my benefit, not yours. That sounds a bit rude, doesn't it? Sorry, dear reader.. I am not very focused today. That's why I am contemplating pictures, to break up the monotony and help me plug along.

For those reading my full blog, notice anything new at the bottom of this page? That's right, I have a free copyright to my blog now. Thanks to Tia, author of one of my favorite blogs: Clever Girl Goes Blog


Sounds a bit premature, or stuck-up perhaps? Nah, I don't think so. See, I have a few blogs that I read on a constant basis, and quite a few of their authors have had their material stolen and claimed by someone else, whether the real author was well-read or just starting out.. so I thought I would get that in place BEFORE someone thought my stuff was worthy of taking...

Anyway.

Onward, to my past week. I am sure you're dying to hear any details that I have...

Okay. I bought Rob Zombie's Halloween this weekend.. I've seen it before, but it was only ten dollars on sale at Target and I've been wanting to add it to my collection. So I snagged it..

(....Wow, sorry about the run-on sentences and sentence fragments, dear reader. Told ya I wasn't with it tonight!....)

As I was saying, before I so rudely interrupted myself, I took it over to Jimmy's this weekend. We were going to watch it by ourselves, but his aunt had the night off. We tried convincing her that it was really gruesome and disturbing, hoping to get her out of there. She stayed for the whole thing, I was very impressed. The movie rocked, and now Jimmy has seen all three of Mr. Zombie's movies.

I can't wait to see what more movies he (Rob Zombie, not Jimmy,) may come out with. He is definitely my favorite director, and I haven't even listened to very much of his music. I believe I will look up some of his musical works sometime soon and buy, at least, a greatest hits album of his.

After the movie, she finally went to bed, and Jimmy made me some yummy bacon and eggs and we talked for quite awhile. He's a pretty good guy, and a good friend. (You hear that, people?? FRIEND!! Thank you very much. Now back to the topic at hand.)

So that was my Saturday.. work wasn't TOO bad this weekend. I avoided checking like the plague, instead busying myself with helping every customer I could possibly get in contact with on the floor, helping the fitting room with the phone and freight.

Boy, oh boy. That brings us to Monday, which was yesterday. Let's see..I worked 10-6:30, only took a half hour lunch so that I could get the heck out of dodge as soon as possible.

Came home and spoiled myself with a really long shower and thought I would wear my favorite outfit over to Jimmy's. In vain.

No matter what, I couldn't squeeze my ass into my favorite skirt!! I jumped up and down, tried shimmying into it, sucking in.. Nothing. It must have shrunk on the hanger. I bet that's what happened.

Good news though. My halter top still fits. That is if I suck in and don't breathe. But it zipped up all the way in the back, so it is still in use. So what if no oxygen entered my lungs all night? It was worth it, because I got to wear it!

We watched a bunch of TV last night, and he fixed up some of those rectangle crackers, sliced up some cheese and summer sausage. YUM..


Are you still awake, dear reader? Have I bored you to sleep yet? Wake up! It's time for you to leave comments and love for me! (*laughs*)

Have you ever experienced the shrinking clothes phenomenon? Who's your favorite director?

How's your daily grind treating you?

Spill it!! *INSERT evil laugh here*

I know, I know..

Been a few days since I've blogged.. quite a bit I can write about, don't worry!

I found a computer not being used here at campus, and I was going to catch my blog up a bit.. unfortunately it's waaaaayyy too noisy and I've a headache coming on. So, I think I might have to wait until tonight.

It's funny, I have more readers than I thought I did. I see the massive amount of views over there (in my stats counter,) but since there are not much in the way of comments, I didn't really realize I had constant readers that I knew.

Marsha told me this morning that she had been reading along and mentioned Jimmy.. I thought, 'Holy Crap! People actually are reading me!' I'm either at least a LITTLE interesting.. or they are looking for stuff to laugh at.. I'm hoping for the former, myself. (Hi Marsha!)

While I think about all the things I must catch up on in my blog, tell me... what's going on with you, dear reader? Anything of interest (or boring things,) happen since I last spoke with you?



(By the way, dear reader, I am still talking to Jeff on a daily basis.. just thought I would let you know I am still defying the results of my survey, because your comments on my previous posts on the subject are funny :P)

I'm no good at following directions, so sue me..

You know that survey that I took of my readers at the beginning of the week? The one where I asked if I should email my ex or let sleeping dogs lie?

OOOhhhh.. bad saying to use. My ex is not a dog, and he never lied.

Let me try that again, dear reader.

Remember that survey I took asking whether I should send him an email and say hi, or just forget it?

Well. I must admit that I didn't follow the majority of your suggestions. That is, I didn't follow the overwhelming consensus that I shouldn't email or contact him at all.

I did.

And guess what?

He emailed me back the next day.

With an email twice (ten times?) as long as what mine was.

That's not all. We've been talking on messenger all week. I know, I know.. But what's a poor girl to do when given the chance to speak to the man who did completely sweep her off her feet, even if it didn't work out in the end?

Just thought I would come clean. Let the lecturing begin.


But I have no remorse in contacting him again or talking to him every night. Just thought I would let you know that as well.

Not such a turn on..

oh yes, massive pain and facial swelling is SUCH a turn on, don't you think?

Well.. I don't. Not really. Not when there's no pleasure involved. Which there is NONE right now..(Pleasure, that is. There is plenty of pain.)

What the heck is she rambling about, you may be wondering...

I'll give the very quick story, dear reader, and then I am going to go hop in the shower.

I was putting the toilet paper under the bathroom sink earlier, because it bugs me when things are out of place. Supposedly a five second job, right?

Wrong.

I knelt down, stacked the packages in the cabinet all nice and neat, and on my way to stand back up, I promptly bashed my face into the ceramic front of the sink.

GOOD LORD, the pain was freakin' enormous.

And I cracked apart my left front tooth. AGAIN.

So, I just got back from the ER, and have a decent amount of facial swelling and headache now. I have to call the dentistry department first thing in the morning to get in there and get it fixed. Good thing is that since I did go to the ER, they pretty much have to see me and hopefully put a temporary cap on the tooth until I can get the permanent cap on. AGAIN. (knock on wood...)

By the way, that five minute job took two hours. Wow, not a good investment of time in making sure things are picked up..

Fairytales in the Midst of Reality

Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed about having the fairytale life. You definitely know what I am talking about.. the knight in shining armor comes in, sweeps me off my feet, and I live happily ever after.

Apparently, however, MY fairy god-mother thought she would grant me the wish of a fairytale... except she used one that I've never heard of.

Forget the sleeping beauty being awakened by the prince..

forget the poor maid sister being swept away in a pumpkin with a prince and beautiful glass slippers.

Forget letting my hair down and being rescued by the prince in the tower. OOOWWWWWW! Forget that one anyway, even as a little girl with hair past my waist, I thought that one would hurt terribly!

Nope. Instead I get the fairytale where my personal prince charming comes into my life for a bit, grabs my attention.. and then leaves. Unfortunately, 'leaves' isn't a concrete term here.. 'leaves' here means he is dangled by fate just out of the reach of my arms waiting for his warmth and my lips waiting for his kiss.

He's there. But he's not.

Does this make sense to you, dear reader?

I think that my personal fairy god-mother is having fun at my expense.. or else the little fairies and gnomes... I mean, can't you just picture those little darling females with beautiful, sparkly wings flying around giggling and messing with my love life?

Make as much sense as anything else. I came across a quote online a few weeks ago that sums it up for me. It went something to the effect of: "People see the hard to believe reality and say "Why?", I have interesting and unusual dreams and say "Why not?".


All I want to know is just how long that my Prince Charming will be dangled just out of my reach but not out of my yearning. A day? A year? A lifetime? A woman has rights to this sort of knowledge, I think.


Dear reader, what do you think? Might there be mythical creatures playing pranks with me and my love life? Or is fate just that cruel? OR is it something else altogether?

Did you have dreams of happily-ever-afters when you were little? Have you found your one and only? Did you get to keep them?

Questions, Questions.. I know... spill it ALL! I want it ALL! (I'm not greedy in the slightest, I swear!)

I'm in a weird mood, enjoy.. (or not, your call)...

I just got out of the shower, and I remembered something that I thought I would mention to you, my dear reader. I wanted to see if you remembered this as I did.

See, what I was thinking while I was in the shower was that it had been awhile.. I mean IT had been awhile. You know what I mean. I looked at my shampoo and conditioner bottles, (Garner Fructis) and was reminded of another popular brand.

Herbal Essences.

Which in turn reminded me of those commercials. You know, where the lady in shower gets a mind blowing orgasm (from the sounds of it) just by applying the shampoo and conditioner on her hair. Makes me want to run out and buy it, Ecstasy in a bottle. That's what they should call it.

Does anyone else remember these commercials?? What ever happened to them?? Did they deem that sales tactic as not family-friendly? Because, of course it wouldn't be. For one, if she gets all of the pleasure she needs from a bottle, why should she keep the guy?? And without a guy, no little rug rats.. you know how this goes. I think we can skip the birds and bee's chat, right?

Right???

I don't know.

For two.. probably not a good idea for a commercial that children will see..they are corrupt enough, sometimes.




So, do you remember this whole ad campaign? What did you think of it? Where, oh where, did it go?

It wouldn't get out of my head until I posted it!

Settlin'
Sugarland

Fifteen minutes left to throw me together
For mister right now, not mister forever
Don't know why I even try when I know how it ends
Looking like another "maybe we could be friends"
I've been leaving it up to fate
It's my life so it's mine to make

I ain't settling for just getting by
I've had enough so so for the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high
Just enough ain't enough this time
I ain't settling for anything less than everything, yeah

With some good red wine and my brand new shoes
Gonna dance a blue streak around my living room
Take a chance on love and try how it feels
With my heart wide open now you know I will
Find what it means to be the girl
Who changed her mind and changed her world

I ain't settling for just getting by
I've had enough so so for the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high
Just enough ain't enough this time
I ain't settling for anything less than everything

I ain't settling for just getting by
I've had enough so so for the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high
Just enough ain't enough this time

I ain't settling for just getting by
I've had enough so so for the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high
I ain't settling no, no, no, no, no, no

So raise the bar high

I must void my exciting news..

...I am afraid. It didn't work out, and the idea was shelved for now. So, I don't think I will even share what it could have been. I'll let my readers come up with kooky ideas of their own and put them in the comments :P

Care to sit and listen?

(or read, that is more the case...)

Okay, let me address some things that have been mentioned in my blog comments about my last relationship.. is that okay?

(Better be, because it's my blog and all..!)

SweetExtreme commented on my blog, 'Confusion Abounds' this: "My opinion and again it is only my opinion. You obviously still have feelings for him or you never would have sent him an e-mail saying, hi. Right? If he wasn't abusive, married, lied or cheated on you... then why not try and reconnect with him?"

My response, my lovely readers.. Yes. I do still have massive feelings for him. My breath caught when I saw his email in my in-box this morning (I didn't think he would write back.) I think my breath would be taken away and I would be swept away if I saw him in the flesh. No, he wasn't abusive in the slightest, not married. He didn't lie or cheat on me.

However, there were other issues. One was the whole thing that turned my world upside down about a year before he had to move back to his mother's. I won't divulge into any of that, because it's a private matter of his and I respect that. I didn't want to have the uncertainty of stability if we ever lived together due to some habits of his. As well as our differing wants and desires of life..He never wants to marry or have children. I want marriage, children and the white picket fence.

Also, there at the end it boiled down to the same scenerio that was posed on me by my ex-fiance'. That crazy s.o.b. wanted me to be a barefoot, pregnant preacher's wife for the rest of my childbearing years, and not have ANY say in how things would go.

THAT particular part of things wasn't the same that I went through with Jeff..but the part that he wanted me to move hundreds of miles away from my home state, to a place where I knew NO-ONE, and had to leave my family, friends and pets to live with their family... well, that was the same. Also, the fact that they wanted me to live with THEIR family, but flat out stated that they wouldn't live with MINE...hmm...

With Jeff, it wasn't the idea of those things with him that did it for me.. I admit that it was the de ja vu that I went through that same horrible thing with Jay. Bad taste in my mouth, and all.. If that hadn't had happened, who knows..

Another thing that was mentioned and I just want to clarify: he was wonderfully romantic, never laid a hand on me, and was loving and caring to me. He never cheated, and he took care of my every desire. He took my breath away with every kiss, from the very first one to the very last one..

That was when he was living here, though.

When he moved back home, it was like he turned into a totally different person and NOT a nice one.

Jeff is a wonderful man, but unfortunately it seems our paths did not cross at the right times, and I don't fulfill his desires and wants.

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So, that's some of the honesty that I promised you. There's more. I do hope that you stick around and see what else I have to offer you. Please do comment and leave your impressions here for me to see.......

I wanted to share...

..a part of one of my all time favorite movies with you. I am a HUGE Adam Sandler fan, and the Wedding Singer was one of the first movies of his that I watched. Every woman wants the romance, and this scene fill that requirement perfectly.


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So..spill it!

What's your favorite movies?

How much romance do you need in your life?

Do you think the first kiss sets the tone for the rest of the relationship you may have with the person? (First impressions and all that...)

A note to my readers..

I was thinking some things, spurred by that email that I received this morning and have a request of you.

If I am to give my all to you, my wonderful readers, I want to ask you to do the same. If you have something to say on any of my entries, please do so. There is an anonymous feature, if you feel you don't want to declare who you are.

I appreciate all feedback, and it will help me become a better writer, and most importantly a better person.

Thank you, and back to your regular program.

Apparently..

..has hit notes with more than one person. And they aren't the best notes in the world. I also found out this morning, through an email, that I have readers that I didn't even know I still had.

Like I told Josh last night when we were talking, "Well, good news is that I blog to get people thinking.. and if I impact one person that's a success, right?"

Unfortunately, I have been censoring some of my deeper thoughts and feelings, and so now many people are getting the wrong ideas. I think this may damage many possible friendships or relationships I have in the future. So, I must figure out how to NOT hit the delete key and how to blog EVERYTHING that I am thinking or feeling.. It's my blog, true, but it's not fair to you my dear readers. To be a (successful) writer, which I am finding out that I love being, I need to open myself up to you, and give you everything I have, instead of 90%.

That brings to mind a lyric from a song that I like: "It's better to be hated for who you are, than for loved for who you're not." (Sorry, I just woke up and cannot remember who sings this song..and Google is not being helpful this morning. I received an email from someone that I didn't expect to and that hit me like a punch. So I am blogging before I even have my glasses on.)

I'll be blogging more tonight, and I hope ALL of the readers that I have stick around and see what else I have to offer.

Survey says...

I shouldn't email him again.. okay, I can agree with that. I might need some sense knocked into my head now and again though..

So, things are going simultaneously smoothly and crazy-hectic at the same time.

My classes ROCK! Well, more importantly, I am ROCKIN' my classes! I've been getting A's on every accounting assignment, and even though my Psychology exam didn't exactly rock.. I did better than 17 of my classmates! I got a C, 17 of my classmates got D's and F's on our first exam. Can you say, 'Ouch'?

Okay, now for the crazy-hectic part..working at the Dungeon. It's even worse than usual. How is that possible, you ask? Simple. We have a store-wide inventory in FOUR days, and we are only 50% or so completed to being ready for it. That's horrible.

I mean, seriously. My co-workers are driving me crazy. There are (verbal) fights going on in the backroom (and sometimes on the floor). The backroom is filled with freight and arguing associates. That leaves the floor empty to customers not being helped. We are still WAAAAYYY short-staffed, so we have to go up front to cashier regularly as well.

Sounds like LOADS of fun, huh? Makes you want to come work for the dungeon, right?



So, dear reader, are you going to rush right out and fill out an app to work with me?

What do you think of Third Eye Blind? I love this song.. it reminds me of my thoughts much of the time...

Confusion Abounds..

Should I be shot?

I don't know. See, I don't know much about the whole 'dating' game. I'm single, and this is the first time I've been this way in over five years. I have so many new situations popping up...

I'm confused, with a capital C. and O...heck, with a capital C.O.N.F.U.S.E.D.. (How embarrassing if I would've misspelled that, huh?

I just KNOW that you are sitting there, shaking your head at me and thinking I've totally lost it. Don't click that X at the corner of my window please! At least not yet.. give me a chance to plead my case, once I figure out what my case is!

I just emailed my ex. Is that a bad thing? You know, the one that wanted the jewelry back? The one that I was just broken up with this summer? The one I haven't talked with since the argument about the aforementioned jewelry?

What? Should I not have done that?

Well, it's done. Is there a way to undo it? I did it on Yahoo mail.. if there's not, is there a way to see if he reads it?

*deep breath, thinking about butterflies and unicorns...*

Okay, so that's the first thing that I am not sure about. Don't get me wrong. I'm not thinking about reconciling a relationship with him, it was just a 'hi' and 'how are you?'. He is an amazing guy most of the time, but we want vastly different things out of life, love and the world.


The second thing is...ooohhh I love this song!! Reba is my FAVORITE female singer! ('Every Other Weekend')


Okay. I know. I'm sorry. I have the attention span of a fish.. or a uninterested cat.


Before I so rudely interrupted myself, I was saying that the second thing that is messing with me is the feelings that I have realized that I am developing for one of my friends. I didn't realize the extent of my feelings until last night, until I was surfing and thinking about my conversation with J-L. (totally unrelated, but that's how my mind works..).

Then it hit me, like a freight train going 100 miles an hour. I think-no, I know- that I have fallen for a particular friend. Unfortunately, I don't think he feels the same. And I value him too much as a friend to lose him due to my romantic heart and what I am feeling. I'd rather keep it bottled up for the rest of my life, than not to have his friendship for just as long.

No. I am NOT telling you who it is. I know some of you will bug me as soon as you read this, thinking you know who it is. All I will say is a majority of my readers do NOT know this person. Before you send me a message that you are writing at this moment, NOT TELLING you.

Okay, let's proceed..

I know there was something else.. unfortunately, my mind skitters a lot. It likes playing with my thoughts like someone would skip rocks across the pond until they disappear..

It had to do with Jimmy. He's been pretty preoccupied lately, I don't know what's going on. Although, he still schedules most of his breaks when mine are.

I know there was more.. but for some reason my mind is trying to fall asleep all of a sudden..and refusing to think. I'm actually putting MYSELF to sleep.. that's bad.

If you are still awake after reading all this gibberish, dear reader.. what do you think about any or all of this?


((And no.. I didn't figure out what my case is.. besides this long entry of almost-unrelated things being all confuzled together in my poor, tired brain..))

Hey..something for you to do for me!

1. Who are you?

2. Are we friends?

3. When and how did we meet?

4. How have I affected you?

5. What do you think of me?

6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?

7. How long do you think we will be friends?

8. Do you love me?

9. Do you have a crush on me?

10. Would you kiss me?

11. Would you hug me?

12. Physically, what stands out?

13. Emotionally, what stands out?

14. Do you wish I was cooler?

15. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.

16. Am I loveable?

17. How long have you known me?

18. Describe me in one word.

19. What was your first impression?

20. Do you still think that way about me now?

21. What do you think my weakness is?

22. Do you think I'll get married?

23. What makes me happy?

24. What makes me sad?

25. What reminds you of me?

26. If you could give me anything what would it be?

27. How well do you know me?

28. When's the last time you saw me?

29. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

30. Do you think I could kill someone?

31. Do you miss me?

32. Do you think i miss you?

Exciting..

I had something good happen on Wednesday... but, unfortunately, I don't know if I have permission to share it (the event or the person's name that it includes)... so I can't share it here...

I've only told two people.. one was busy with her angels and has big news of her own, so it didn't register big on her importance scale I don't think.. but that's okay.

The second person I told, is also part of what I did tonight..so let me share.

About a month or two ago, J-L gave me his number to call him if I wanted to. I didn't, because of the whole shyness factor. But I did tonight.. I figured, why not? If he's a friend of Josh's, he's gotta be cool and decent. So I called him tonight, and I was right . So he was the second person I told, but he sounded absolutely exhausted, so I don't know how high it registered on his scale either. Also, he's a guy that I don't know all that well, so I can't tell him things that I could tell my female best friend if she wanted to hear them..also, guys have different scales of measurement than us ladies...

But anyway, if it happens or if I get the okay to share, I definately will share here!

Hope you are having a good night, my dear and wonderful readers.. Anything exciting happening with you?

Where Were You When The World Stopped Turning?

Teardrops on My Guitar-Taylor Swft Lyrics

Current mood: thoughtful


Teardrops On My Guitar lyrics

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I need everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without

Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's just so funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

[Chorus:]

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause

[Repeat Chorus]

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see.

And here we are again..

...and so quickly! I was writing such a book, that I had to be considerate and break it up for you, dear reader. I would hate to put you to sleep before you reach the end and can comment!

To summarize the last entry: I spent last week getting ready for the garage sale, then I had the garage sale on Saturday. Then, Sunday night Jimmy and I hung out for awhile.


And here we are. I worked 9-6 today at the dungeon, boy oh boy. I spent the day trying to get things closer to being ready for inventory which is ONLY eight days away. Eight days away, and we are just now STARTING to get ready for it. Not happening. I am sure they don't realize this yet, but that's what happens when they procrastinate. Management at the dungeon is pure excellence at doing that skill. (or is it an un-skill? Hmmm...whatever it is, they are good at it!)

Fifteen minutes until I was supposed to get off work, I decided that I wanted to spoil myself at the in-store salon when I got off. So, I did. I want to post pictures, but I have to figure out a new way to send them to myself, so it won't be tonight..

And then I came home, did stuff, and ate. Then did more things, not necessarily in that order. :P How exciting, huh?

**oh dear lord, I've been siting here for FAR to long.. my leg is asleep clear up to my hip. I've those prickly sensations up and down from my toes to my waist..**

Not much to talk about for the rest of my evening, though. I did get to talk to Josh tonight, so that was very good! That made a great ending to my day. I cannot wait for him to come home!

And, now it's time for me to go crash into bed, if I can walk that far right now!!

I bid you a good night and sweet dreams, dear reader. Leave me any comments that you wish, and let me know you were here!!

Been awhile..

..hasn't it? Since we've joined here at this reading spot and shared, that is?

I didn't blog last week, because NOTHING interesting happened. If I would've blogged, it would have been seven entries such as the following:

"Got up out of my four poster wrought iron bed, on the right side. (ALWAYS do I sleep on the right, facing towards the center.) I got ready for work/class/errands, and did them. EXCITING, let me tell you what! I don't think I could take that much excitement without blowing a fuse or something (insert off-joke here). Came home. Took a shower, checked my email and ate. Not necessarily in that order, every time. Good lord, I'm not THAT predictable. Curled up in bed. Slept. Repeat.'

Oh boy. Wouldn't that have been exciting for you to read? I feel sorry for you to have to read that once, let alone making you read it SEVEN times.

Nothing exciting happened last week, because I was getting everything ready for the garage sale we had last weekend. Jimmy and I didn't hang out for a week.. sad, it was.

Thanks for asking!! It went wonderfully, made far more money than I thought I would! My trash was, amazingly, someone else's treasure. WOOHOO! Let them take my stuff and clutter their houses with it, instead of it cluttering mine!

Okay.. so that was Saturday. By the time that we cleaned up everything and I got things done around here, it was too late and I was too tired to go anywhere besides bed.

So..fast forward twentyfour hours.. I worked a shift at the dungeon, came home and changed. Then it was finally time to kick back and relax with Jimmy. He is an awesome friend, and it showed sooooooo many times last night.

Well..first he cooked some leftover meatloaf with fresh MUSHROOMS (yummmm!), and potatoes. Then, he dug out his 8 tracks..

**Don't laugh!**

**Seriously, I hear you snickering..**

**STOP!! We both like the old music formats, my absolute favorites are LP and his are 8 tracks...**

Anyway, before I was rudely interrupted, (by the peanut gallery over there!), he dug out a few of his 8 tracks and surprised me with an OLD Reba one!!! That so, totally, made my day! I can't begin to explain to you why, unless you are a fellow die-hard music lover like I am, it would sound stupid.

So. That was the first thing....wait. *counts again* That was the second thing.

The third thing blew my mind. He danced with me for a few minutes, slow.. It was sweet. (NOT A DATE! Totally just friends, don't get that wrong impression!) It blew my mind because I could NOT for the life of me get Jeff to EVER want to dance with me in the living room. And I was dating him! The only time he danced with me was at Kirk and Marsha's wedding. Jimmy and I are good friends and he's willing to dance with me.

THEN.. he indulged me and watched the movie Pretty Woman with me!! That was awesome. I've been wanting to watch that movie for awhile, but I also like sitting next to someone and cuddling a bit.

Before, during and after the movie we talked A LOT and stuff. (let me remind you again.. JUST FRIENDS!)

So, it was a great relaxing evening.. and then I had to work today. But, this is turning into an uber-long book, so I'll post today seperate.. :)

Tell me, dear readers...

Did you like reading my entry one time over the seven I could've posted it?

What's your favorite music format?

A movie that you love watching, what is it?

Do you have any awesome friends you want to brag about?

Another first for me..

((FIRST! Not Fist, for you crazy, one track minded readers I might have.. LMAO))
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Okay, I've been meaning to blog about it since Thursday night. Well, really Friday morning. At the age of 24, I've experienced a major first for me.

That was, I met up with Jimmy at the Nickolden on the Coralville Strip. It's a small bar, and cozy. I liked it. Don't laugh.

How did this happen, you may (or not) ask? I know, I know, I said I was never EVER going to go into one(a bar), but I've been trying to experience new things lately.

We made plans on Thursday night to meet up with each other and watch a few Adam Sandler movies, around nine thirty. Well, he invited me to come down to the Nick and meet his friends. I had an ABSOLUTE blast. I don't drink, but it was so fun to watch everyone else getting stupider in relation to the amount of alcohol that they drank. (That wasn't the only fun part though! LOL)

Jimmy played pool, and found out that one of the guys he meets down there often has the SAME EXACT name as he does, even down to the middle initial! How crazy is that?

We were down there for awhile, talking and they played a bunch of pool (in between their cigerrette breaks.) At around twelve thirty or so, we went over to one of their houses a few blocks away and sat around a fire-pit, talking and them drinking some more. They wanted me to go do a beer run for them, but that's something I refuse to do. That brought on the brilliant idea of one of THEM using MY car for a beer run. I had to laugh, I mean, think about it. I won't do a beer run, but they thought I would let a drunken person drive my car to do a beer run. UM NO. Dorks! Especially when the bar was only two blocks away.

But it's all good. They are pretty cool people, and they invited me down there again, but it won't be this week.

After a neighbor came out and asked us to be quiet, (they had started losing their volume control), Jimmy and I started to think about leaving and going back to North Liberty. We finalized that thought when their voices was back to the high volumes not even five minutes later. We didn't want a visit from a lovely officer in those gorgeous squad cars of those. (That's the nice way to put it...in case you are wondering.)

So, we left and went back to his aunt's house, and he made me breakfast tortillas. They were yummy.. and then we talked more. :) He's a pretty cool guy, and admirable with all the things that he've been through.

I ended up not getting home until around four, but that's okay. It was a really fun night, and I met some new cool people.

So, dear reader...Spill it!! LMAO

Honestly, did you misread the title like I predicted might have?

How old were you when you made YOUR first appearance in a bar?

Meet any cool or interesting people lately?

How boring are my blogs? I mean, really. They bore me sometimes!! LMAO

A New Chapter..

...has started in my life. I was thinking about it, just now. This summer has had a lot of endings, beginnings, and new experiences for me.

For you, dear reader, it means a few less blogs than before.. but it shall be more interesting (I hope!) than reading many entries saying that I had done the following that day:

*Worked
*Walked
*Surfed the Net
*Slept

Just to summarize my summer for you, so you don't have to scroll back many entries or be left in the dark, here were the big things:

I ended a long term relationship with Jeff (my boyfriend of almost three years), I'm single for the first time in almost five years and LOVING it!

I have started back at college again, and LOVING it!

I have started hanging out with a co-worker lately, (Jimmy from grocery ICS). This is the first time I have felt the urge to hang out with ANY co-workers I've had EVER. Well, except for Erin, my old best friend.

My cat Baby passed away in May, and my precious Midnight passed away in June. I am down to just my puppy.

Several new experiences have made an appearance in my life, but I will go into the biggest one of those in the next blog entry, hopefully after my shower tonight.

So, dear reader...tell me.

How are things with you? What big things are going on in your life?

Anything new happen to you lately?