Daily Musings

How very odd..

2010-01-21T23:47:00.002-06:00

I seem to write A LOT less when I am happy and doing alright, compared to when I am depressed and having a rough time.

I just want to say, for the moment, that I have been hanging out with two of the awesome-est people that I've had the pleasure of meeting in a very long time. I have only really known them for a few weeks but have gotten more closer to them than I have to people that I have known for years. And much faster than I usually do!

I can't believe it's been since the 6th since I've written anything, but come to think about it, that's when I started really talking to Brent and Adam and trying to be more socialable at work. Shortly after that is when I met Jaclynn and really hit it off with her. My relations with her and 'office hubby' are really explaining to me different feelings I've been having over the years and my different tastes. Interesting.. I have many thoughts rolling around in my head, but I'll let them keep molding into complete-ness by themselves and share them as they do so.

I just wanted to say that, "Yes, I am okay." and "Yes, I am doing quite fine!"... and, "No, I haven't gotten back with my ex and have no intentions on doing so or even continueing a friendship. I want to move forward and up. I just don't feel like I can do so if I let him back in."

This was a fun night....

2010-01-04T00:35:00.001-06:00

Tonight found me happy and content. I went over to Adam's to hang out. Yes, we broke up a week ago, but have been gradually talking more and more via text and Facebook. We decided to get together and watch a movie or two and just hang out as friends.

It was totally nice and fun, to hang out and be just together in the same room without fighting and ill feelings. His new house helped with the atmosphere, somehow. A very, very nice place!

We sat and talked about things, and then started The Wedding Singer-an Adam Sandler movie, just in case you didn't know...(Which seems silly to me, because in my mind, who WOULDN'T know that???) Had to stop it in the middle for dinner, which was chili with bread/butter. That was very, very good! A bit too spicy for my taste, but still good. We sat and talked more at the table, and talked... and talked... Talking is sometimes under-rated, I think, after that experience. Of course, most of the time it is over-rated, but that is another story!

We went downstairs and finished the movie and then put in Bulletproof, another Sandler movie. I forgot how much I like that one! All in all, the evening was very good and I enjoyed it immensely. In fact, I believe that he is going to come over and hang out with me at my house this weekend and I'm finally going to sit down long enough to watch 'Twilight' which I've been wanting to see forever, but haven't yet.

Go figure, I was a fan of the books before they became the 'in' thing, and I didn't get to read the first one until all of them were out. I still haven't made it all the way through the series, because I haven't had the money to buy the fourth one yet. And I haven't seen the movie yet. And I think it is the second one that is now in theatres? (Is it yet? I would love to see it on the big screen, but I don't think that will happen, unfortunately. Oh well, it's much more economical to buy it on DVD than to pay the same amount of money for two ticket and only be able to see it once!

Anywho. I'm kinda starting to ramble now, so I think it's time for me to go crash.

How was your weekend, dear reader? Was it good? I hope so!

A new year..

2010-01-02T10:55:00.000-06:00

..and a new beginning is upon us. That one time a year that everyone has a chance together to renew and grow as a person and a society through resolutions. I've been thinking about it and thinking about it, and there are so many things that I want to change and work on that it was very hard to narrow it down to a manageable amount.

Here's what I've come up with so far:

1.) Be my own person. No longer try to be something to suit someone else just because I want them happy. If I'm unhappy, then life just sucks. If I want to go out with friends, or just by myself, I will.

2. Speaking of going out, I want to make it to many, many more shows than I made it to last year. At least two a month if at all possible. Live music rocks, and I want to enjoy it as much as possible.

3. Be on time to work at least 90-95 percent of the time. It can't be that hard, can it? I'm a horrible procrastinator, and time just seems to slip away from me. Five minutes to me turns out to be an hour according to the clock. Sometimes, it's the other way around. Five minutes to everyone else feels like an hour to me. I wonder if this is how other people perceive time? Or I'm just kooky?

4. Get started on educating myself for a new career. I have one picked out - Administrative Assistant. I have the course chosen, and know where I am going through. I just have to save up the money to do so.

5. And of course, the requisite resolution- eat better and exercise more. I definitely can do more of both - Buy more produce and healthier food and less mac and cheese/hot dogs, as well as actually use my treadmill and exercise equipment

Wish me luck, dear readers. And good luck in your personal endeavors to better year, better health and better you!

The year is at it's close....

2009-12-31T23:05:00.000-06:00

....and time for a new beginning to come from this beginning. I must think of New Year's Resolutions and goals for this new year. Keep posted, once I think of them, I will record them here. Perhaps my readers would like to share theirs while we are at it? We can support each other in our individual journey to bettering ourselves and getting the most out of life!

What do you say, dear reader? Would you care to share your opinions of resolutions? Do you believe in making them? What ones did you make, if any?

Live Music That Rocked (Pun Intended!)

2009-12-30T01:12:00.013-06:00

The show was awesome! Snow Demon totally rocked the place, and Lipstick Homicide was just awesome... However, Old Man lacked... Not just to me, but I think to pretty much everyone at my table. The guitars were good, The southern rock-ish vocals were good, and the drumming was excellent. Put them all together though, and they didn't quite meld. Overall, the music was a very good part of the night. Even better was that I got to hang out with a very old friend of mine, Justin, for the first time in years. I mean, YEARS!

The members of Snow Demon were surprised to see me there, I guess. But, just because I'm not dating Adam anymore doesn't mean I'm just going to stop being their fan and come to their shows when I can make it. Andy said hi to me (in passing, but he said it first, so that was cool) and I told Brad that it they did a great show, and he looked surprised, but smiled when he said thanks. Don didn't even look at me, but as I think about it, it's totally understandable since him and Adam are close, close friends.

This was the first show that I've attended at The Mill, but I think I will definitely make it to more there! Justin, Erin, Meredith and I actually got a booth right next to the stage, which gave us a pretty good up close exposure to the bands and music, without having to worry about being jostled around on the floor and all that. It's not the same as the front view, but overall better in my opinion.

Some shots I got follows:

(Lipstick Homicide)

(Snow Demon - Brad on guitar)

(Snow Demon - Don on drums)

(Snow Demon-Brad, Andy, Cooper, & Foge)

It was a great night, the best time I've had in a long while! I'm looking forward to going to many more shows this year than last... and what entry about that night would be complete without a pic of me and my closest friend, Meredith?? :P

End of a year, end of...

2009-12-28T23:01:00.004-06:00

... Bleh, I did it again...

Things have ended once more. Right at Christmastime. At least my presents for him ended up at his house. I do hope that he opens them and keeps them. Especially the main one. That one was one that was to show my support and the fact that I know he'll make it big some day. He can use it to derive his first top ten hit. I know he's got what it takes, I've known that from the first time I heard him play.

The smallest one is for his carrying case, so he can always have plenty of them handy when he goes to practice or performances. I looked quite a few places for the perfect holder for them. And there's two of them, so that he can have one at home and on the road.

And the middle one? He mentioned quite a few times how he has to care for his nails, and keep them shorter to more easily play. That's small enough to also carry in his guitar case.

Each present was small, but I tried to put much effort into thoughtful gifts even though I couldn't afford much. I know it probably wouldn't seem that way by their display. But apparently I can't give him what he truly needs.

He left mine at my house, although I haven't looked inside yet. I don't know if I really want to. Maybe I'll just leave it carefully to the side for now...

How quickly things spun out of control...

Back to normal..

2009-12-27T02:53:00.002-06:00

...the inside of my house is, anyway!

Yesterday was Christmas, and today was the tear-down. The inside of my house is void of trees, lights and breakable holiday decorations once more.

My living room furniture is back in it's correct spots, which means I can use the dining room set once again. Very happy about that!

It's been a very long day, and a stressful evening that took me six hours to unwind from a five minute event. I think I am going to head to bed now.

Good night my dear readers!

N'Sync- Bye, Bye, Bye

2009-12-27T02:34:00.000-06:00

......bleh.......

2009-12-26T22:05:00.001-06:00

.......am single again..........

bleh.

Christmas has come and gone...

2009-12-26T02:37:00.000-06:00

This year has gone by way too quickly!

Christmas finally came and I had a wonderful time with my little family. We all slept in a bit, made cinnamon rolls for breakfast, and then commenced on the gift giving. Many good things came my way, though the presents don't mean as much to me as the one on one time with my mother and brother (and the pup too!), a whole day, uninterrupted by work or other obligations. I relished every moment of it!

For our Christmas dinner this year, we had: pork chops, five cup salad, corn, bread, potatoes and gravy. And for desert... mom's legendary cherry cheesecake! Yuuummm... making myself hungry just thinking about it!

Then, the rest of the evening/night was spent playing ONE game of Chinese Checkers. I don't remember that game being so hard to win! :P

Not much really to say...

2009-12-20T22:51:00.003-06:00

...except my one day off went by far too quickly! Of course, I slept until noon (a total of ten-ish hours), cleaned house, did christmas cards and am getting ready for another four days of work. But it doesn't FEEL like I've done much!

I also started a music blog, where I will chronicle songs that I come across that I like or that were referred to my listening discretion. Ideally, each entry will have the video (or audio), lyrics, band website and a link to quick facts... I'll see how this works out :)

Here's the link:

http://thebeatgoesonhere.blogspot.com/

Please follow and it and comment whenever the mood strikes! And if you have suggestions for things for me to listen to, feel free to email me at: zombie_princess_2509@yahoo.com. All I ask is that you mention the blog in the title, so that I know it's more likely to be legit! Thanks!

Again, one of my most favorite songs..

2009-12-17T22:54:00.003-06:00

How funny... a decade ago at a school dance, Liz made this my song.. it didn't really fit me then, but Lord it does now!! I LOVE this song, I can listen to it over and over, and relate to every word...

Meet Virginia
Train

She doesn't own a dress
Her hair is always a mess,
If you catch her stealin' she won't confess
She's Beautiful.

Smokes a pack a day, wait,
That's me, but anyway
She doesn't care a thing
About that hey,
She thinks I'm beautiful
Meet Virginia

She never compromises,
Loves babies and surprises,
wears high heels when
she exercises
Ain't that beautiful
Meet Virginia

Well she wants to be the Queen
Then she thinks about her scene
Pulls her hair back as she screams
"I don't really wanna be the Queen"

Daddy wrestles alligators
Mama works on carburetors
Her brother is a fine mediator
For the president
And here she is again on the phone
just like me hates to be alone
we just like to sit home
and rip on the President
Meet Virginia, Mmmm...

Well she wants to live her life
Then she thinks about her life
Pulls her hair back as she screams
"I don't really wanna live this life"

She only drinks coffee at midnight
When the moment is not right
Her timing is quite, unusual
You see her confidence is tragic, but her
Intuition magic And the shape of her body?
Unusual

Meet Virgina I can't wait to
Meet Virginia, yeah eh yeah hey hey hey

Well she wants to be the queen
then she thinks about her scene
Well she wants to live her life
then she thinks about her life
Pulls her hair back as she screams
"I don't really wanna be the queen"
I, I don't really wanna be the queen
I, I don't really wanna be the queen
I, I don't really wanna live this

It should be changed to " 'Til Life Do You Part"

2009-12-16T20:37:00.003-06:00

There is no such thing as a monogamous, long lasting, loving marriages or even regular dating relationships, at least from what I've been witnessing. Just for a small example, almost every boyfriend that I have had has possessed wandering eyes and/or other wandering body parts.. I can't begin to count the times that I've heard versions of, "Well, if I can't get it when I want it.. I'll go elsewhere."

No, this isn't a lamenting entry about personal dating misfortunes. What really got this topic milling around in my head was something that I was told yesterday by a family friend, "Alice". Her and her husband have been married for decades. Apparently he's found yet another young 'admirer', THIRTY-FIVE YEARS his junior! When Alice found out about the younger woman, he told her that she's upset over nothing because nothing physical has or will happen, they're just friends. However, anyone can acknowledge the fact that there are more than one type of cheating... and, this isn't the first time that this situation has arisen in their marriage.

This seems to be more like an emotional affair... she calls him at least four times a day, he drives her where ever she needs to go, he omits his meeting with her when talking to Alice. He also talks about more personal issues with her than he does with his own family. I shake my head when I think about it, because I can't believe how many people actually practice this behavior and don't seem to realize what they are risking, and what great people they may end up losing. They don't seem to even think about how this will affect those closest to them. In this particular case, Alice might finally throw in the towel, because she knows that she deserves so much more than what she is being given.

What seems to complicate the whole idea of cheating and 'having an affair, is that every single person has a varying idea of it's definition. And that some people are absolutely against the idea in any shape or form, while other people agree to have open relationships so that they can bang other people and there's no issue. That's an extreme that I can't begin to understand. Why be in a relationship when its completely open? What's the point of the marriage or the relationship? There's a guy at my work that is in that istuation, and seem to bounce around a group of specific women that we both work with.... and all the women that he hangs around with totally don't care!

There's the situation that occurs when two people who are dating, or married to one another, and they have conflicting idea about cheating, it's definition and what it encompasses. That offender may swear that it's not cheating, but to that other person, it is blatantly so. How does one attempt to rebuild the trust that they feel deep in their heart was broken when the other doesn't see the problem?

Sometimes, the trust that was shattered from cheating can be repaired quickly. In other cases, it could take a while longer, even a decade or more. I have experience that speaks for that latter. I had a boyfriend that cheated on me when I was in tenth grade. It's taken over ten years, but I'm now finally getting to the point where I can talk to him and it doesn't bother me as much, and I don't have anger and feelings of betrayal boiling over at him. Maybe that sounds crazy to you, dear reader, but I guess I have a much more stricter version of 'cheating's' definition and its' hard for me to trust people as it is. When you throw in questionable behavior performed by a boyfriend or close friend, and it makes it near impossible for me to immediately trust again, no matter how hard I try to forgive and move on.

I've really digressed on this topic, but it's really struck a chord with me. My second mom and her husband divorced after fifteen years, my mom and her fiance' split after ten years and my father and stepmother after twenty, just to name a few of the relationships that I've seen disintegrate in my life, that were prime examples of 'Til Life Do Us Part'.

I really would love your input on this...

What are your opinions on the subject, dear reader?

What does cheating encompass?

Do you think this behavior should be forgiven?

What should be done when one person in a relationship does something that offends the other and they don't see the problem?

And now, with the new electronic means of communication that are readily available... do you think 'sexting' with someone that is not the person you are dating is wrong? Do you think dirty talk or flirting is wrong, or do you think it's acceptable?

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

2009-12-16T01:47:00.002-06:00

...from the hoards of angry, attitude-filled customers, to the presents piling up under my tree, to the snow drifts under the windows (and, in the case of the blizzard last week, in the roads)...

And also to the piles of Christmas cards that I've been slowly signing and addressing. Fun, Fun. I always start this project out with wild excitement and humor ~~until I've spent what feels like hours signing and addressing, and looking up addresses of people who's I've lost through the past year. It's made worse this year, because of the fact I've been really sick for the last week, so I do some and then nap.. and do some, and then doze off. That's why I'm finally signing off the computer in the wee hours of this morning, been sleeping off and on in front of it, doing these cards because the great holiday is only A WEEK AND HALF away! My ultimate goal is to have these cards in everyone's mailboxes by the holiday. I don't know if I'll be able to make it into all of them, but I'm trying my hardest..

I've gotta go crash into my comfy bed now, with my layers (and layers) of blankets. I cannot stay awake any longer. I hope that you, dear reader, are having a wonderful week and I plan on writing more in the next couple of days. See you then!

insert bouncy and energetic title here

2009-12-13T23:41:00.004-06:00

My Sunday and my weekend have seemed incredibly long. Actually, as I think about it, every day seems to drag on and on anymore. I'm finding it harder and harder to keep track of the dates, and days as they go by. A product of being an adult, I assume?

I CANNOT believe that Christmas is only eleven days away.. it seems to have snuck up on me big time this year. Not really snuck up, but just arrived with little fanfare. I'm prepared with my shopping (only a few more items to get for a friend of mine and her daughter,) but it just seems impossible that the end of the year is upon us. I tend to get melancholy around this time every year, wondering what it was exactly that I accomplished during the previous eleven and a half months. And the answer always tends to be closer to 'nada' than anything substantial. I do have lots that I WANT to do, but nowhere near enough money or ability to actually do them. So, for the moment, I am living vicariously through Meredith for my travel dreams, (and learned languages,); my musician friends for the abilities they have for instruments and vocals; and my best friend Jenny for her adorable son(and my godson).... dreams are good, and I love sharing in my friends and family's successes so it's not completely a losing situation, right?

~~insert sneezing fit here~~

God, I hate being sick... It's been more and more lately that I am not feeling well or am physically sick, or just so lethargic that I can't do much. Friday, yesterday and off/on today I've been feeling very physically ill. And today, I barely had the energy to do more than sitting upright on the computer or watching TV. Add that in with the fact that I seem to break out in hives whenever I take any sort of medication and my active asthma and I am just miserable. Yes, dear reader, I do plan on going into the doctor soon, but I need to wait until after the first of the year if at all possible. That's when my insurance will kick in again.

One of the things that I cannot get out of my head that I want to do is a correspondence course for Administrative Assistant. I've been thinking about it more and more for the last couple of years ~~ ever since I had to take medical leave for my back and my doctor told me then that I needed to find a new job. After months of trying to sort through what I want and like to do, it narrowed down to this field. http://www.scitraining.com/Courses_US/Administrative_Assistant_Secretary/Course.htm

I've done research on this particular place and on the effectiveness of completion of correspondence classes on new (and better) employment and haven't seen much negativity from reliable sources. I do know that if it would be productive and real, I would ask Santa for financial help in obtaining this dream of mine.. I figure, if he can afford to run the North Pole toy factories and pay all the little people salaries, $37.16 a month would be a reindeer drop in the snow! Alas, it doesn't work that way..

It's funny how people drift in and out of your life, you know? There's a major handful that come and go on a regular basis in my life. Just off the top of my head, this would include Gabe/Becky, Joshua and Jenna.

It seems like forever that I've known both Gabe and Becky.. Gabe was the first boyfriend that I ever had, Becky used to date my brother and now is dating Gabe..

Josh, I've known since 2nd grade. However, we lost contact for about five years after he graduated high school and joined the service. We still talk via text, but it's odd.

Jenna is actually my exes sister, and a pretty cool chick. I looked her up earlier this year, and she was more than willing to chat. Unlike her brother, that is. I did write him last month, extending a possible olive branch of friendship, but it was shot down. Not by him, but by his girlfriend. I think that's odd, he must be whipped because he used to be his own man and not let others tell him what to do. Oh well, maybe he'll change his mind sooner or later... Everything happens for a reason, right?

Gah, drifting asleep at the keyboard without really realizing it. That's a signal that I should go crash into my bed, don't you think? I think I'm going to go make a hot tea for my upset stomach and hopefully fall asleep the right way under my covers in bed very shortly. I was so appreciative of how understanding and nice Adam was about not getting together this weekend. He got a ride with Tim to come see me for a few minutes at my work, after I told him that I was sick.. and then was very nice about me needing today to rest. We definitely will have to get together soon! I hope he likes his Christmas presents, I'm impatient to give him one of them, I spent weeks thinking about what to get him, and the idea dawned on me last week. And even if he hates it, I hope he's a good actor! :)

Until next time, dear reader! I hope you have a good start to your week!

What a very long week...

2009-12-12T21:47:00.006-06:00

I have, perhaps, ten minutes to write before I get kicked off the computer. I guess we'll see how much writing I can actually do before that happens!

This week is finally done for me. Tonight is my Friday night. It began with a blizzard, and ended today with being sick. I got physically sick before work, and had that persistent feeling all day that it was going to happen again~ but it hasn't yet.. thank goodness!

(That reminds me, someone mentioned to me that they had read through my blog a second time, and noticed that I never said when I wasn't feeling well or was sick.. and since they've known me I've been sick or not feeling well often. I'm still trying to figure out why they (or anyone) would want to read a blog that details the occasions when the writer wasn't feeling well.. I didn't think to blog about that, I guess.)

Anywho.

Tonight I had a pleasant surprise of talking to Becky and Gabe on the phone. That was nice to talk to them, and catch up for a few minutes with Becky. :) I'm not quite for sure whether Gabe thought it was good to talk, by the sound of his voice.. but I enjoyed it!

I also was the recipient of an unexpected visit from Adam at work today. That was very nice as well. :) We couldn't' talk for long, but it was definitely better than nothing. He was going up to a friend's place in North Liberty for a guy's night of gaming and drinking, fun times to be had, for sure.

Work on the other hand, kinda started to suck at the end.. but I made it. Managed to stay in the department with the exception of a half hour on the door. Store Manager Chad tried to shove me up front a little after 3~~what a shame that both Jane and I had fifteen minute breaks to take before I left at four!

My writing is a bit rusty, I apologize. It's bound to get better if I can get back into a habit of making new entries on a routine basis. I hear footsteps, I must go now.

I should probably go lay down again, I'm feeling worse and worse as the weekend progresses... I plan on going downstairs, curling up in a little ball under all of my covers and reading myself to sleep while drinking a hot tea. I then plan on sleeping in tomorrow.. and hibernating with some medicine and a nap or two.

I do hope that you have a good night, dear reader!

I know, I know...

2009-12-09T22:21:00.003-06:00

I did it again... I let my blog go to the wayside for far too long..

Okay, I'm going to TRY to get back in the habit of writing on regular basis! I swear I will!

Stay tuned for some new updates sometime soon :)

200 things

2009-07-03T21:40:00.001-05:00

200: My middle name is: Kay
199: I was born in: Iowa City, Iowa
198: I am really: bored and tired
197: My cell phone company is: A T & T
196: My eye color is: blue
195: My shoe size is: 7
194: My ring size is: 7
193: My height is: 5'1
192: I am allergic to: cats
191: My 1st car was: Ford Probe (very briefly)
190: My 1st job was: Iowa City Press Citizen paper delivery girl
189: Last book you read: The third book in the Twilight series
188: My bed is: a very comfy four poster wrought iron full sized bed
187: My pet: is a 11 pound Bishon Frise named Cloud
186: My best friend: is my mom, Adam, Josh and Jenny.
185: My favorite shampoo is: Garner Fructise
184: AIM name: don't have one
183: Piggy Banks are: cute
182: In my pockets: lip gloss, cell phone and pen
181: On my calendar: TONS of stuff this month! From garage sale to Snow Demon show, to Lammasfest
180: Marriage is: an ideal that I don't know is achievable to keep going in the long run anymore
179: Sponge Bob can: die lol
178: My mom: is awesome.
177: The last three cd's I bought were: ummm... I can't say. They were a gift for someone that I haven't given to them yet.
176: Last YouTube video watched: "Something in Your Mouth" by Nickelback
175: How many cousins do you have? I don't know.
174: Do you have any siblings: Yes.
173: Are your parents divorced: Never got married. And not together.
172: Are you taller than your mom? a bit
171: Do you play an instrument? I'm trying the guitar. I would really love to get a flute again.
170: What did you do yesterday? worked. And texted David (Jingles) until I fell asleep lol

I believe in:
169: Love at first sight: Yes.
168: Luck: Yes.
167: Fate: Yes.
166: Yourself: sometimes.
165: Aliens: Anything is possible until disproven
164: Heaven: ummm...
163: Hell: Sometimes I think I work there lol
162: God: To each their own
161: Horoscopes: They are fun to read if I am really, really bored...
160: Soul mates: I don't know. Everything is possible, but have I seen ongoing evidence in my life?
159: Ghosts: Yes.
158: Gay Marriage: Yes.
157: War: not really.
156: Orbs: Most of the time it's just dust.
155: Magic: Yes.

Which is Better
154: Hugs or Kisses: Both. Depends on my mood.
153: Drunk or High: Neither
152: Phone or Online: texting.
151: Red heads or Black haired: depends on who..
150: Blondes or Brunettes: Depends on my hair color lol
149: Hot or cold: hot-bikini weather please!
148: Summer or winter: Summer
147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn
146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
145: Night or Day: night if I am home by myself, Day if I have time to go to the beach
144: Oranges or Apples: Neither
143: Curly or Straight hair: Curly.
142: McDonald's or Burger King: Whopper, please!
141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate? neither. Milk upsets my stomach
140: PC or MAC? Mac
139: Flip flops or high heals: high heels. (the higher, the better!)
138: Ugly and rich OR Sexy and poor: sexy and poor
137: Coke or Pepsi: Tea
136: Hillary or Obama: Obama
135: buried or cremated: ...
134: Singing or Dancing: Singing
133: Coach or Chanel: Neither
132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Neither, Carrie Underwood.
131: Small town or Big city: Small town
130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target
129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Adam Sandler all the way!
128: Manicure or Pedicure: Manicure
127: East Coast or West Coast?: umm... is this really a question?
126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas. I love giving people gifts, and hate getting them.
125: Chocolate or Flowers: potted plants
124: Disney or Six Flags: Haven't been to either
123: Yankees or Red Sox: Not a baseball fan
122: War: Should've been over with long ago.
121: George Bush: Very good thing he isn't in power anymore.
120: Gay Marriage: Good.
118: Abortion: Only in the most dire situations.
117: MySpace: I have one. I don't hardly do much with it.
116: Reality TV: Overkill!
115: Parents: Mom is awesome, Dad is a deadbeat.
114: Back stabbers: Too many of them at work, I just deal with it.
113: Ebay: Haven't been on it.
112: Sex: is the question.. and you know the answer.
111: Work: Not too bad, if not for the customers, and the bosses, lol
110: My Neighbors: I don't talk to any but one, Clint and Emily with the cutest little kids!
109: Gas Prices: I don't remember the last time I could fill my tank at one time.
108: Designer Clothes: I'd be happy to just be able to get some new clothes from Stuff. I can't picture buying full price at Target or Walmart anymore.
107: College: Not attainable at the moment
106: Sports: Cheerleading was my favorite. I like Volleyball. I wish that was a one person sport. And tennis, I love tennis.
105: My family: is very important to me.
104: The future: is very uncertain.

Last time I
103: Hugged someone: today.
102: Last time you ate: about an hour ago, mac and cheese with hot dogs.
101: Saw someone I haven't seen in awhile: A couple of weeks ago, when I went over to Mike's.
100: Cried in front of someone: I try not to do that, ever.
99: Went to a movie theater: Quarantine
98: Took a vacation: hah! Four years ago, when I went to Nebraska.
97: Swam in a pool: When I was still dating Jeff, and went with Kirk and Marsha to one of their friend's houses with an indoor pool.
96: Changed a diaper: A long time ago.
95: Got my nails done:Professionally- A year or so.
94: Went to a wedding: Two years? It was Kirk and Marsha's
93: Broke a bone: Not jinxing myself lol
92: Got a piercing: When the girls at work needed practice a couple of months ago...
91: Broke the law: Speeding is my weakness *knock on wood*
90: Texted: Adam

MISC
89: Who makes you laugh the most: David
88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: I'm leaving?
87: The last movie I saw: Grease 2
86: The thing I'm looking forward to the most is: Lammasfest
85: The thing I'm not looking forward to: Work.
84: People call me:by my name.
83: The most difficult thing to do is: get to work on time.
82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Once
81: My zodiac sign is: leo
80: The first person i talked to today was: my mom
79: First time you had a crush: Danny Slaymaker or Billy Duree. It was a long time ago.
78: The one person who i can't hide things from: Mike or Josh
77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: David
76: Right now I am talking to: Adam
75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Who said I am going to grow up?
74: I have/will get a job: as Jewelry Sales Coordinator
73: Tomorrow: I have to work...
72: Today: is almost done..
71: Next Summer: is here.
70: Next Weekend: work and the beach if it is nice.
69: I have these pets: Didn't I already answer this? Cloud, a 11 pound bishon with a room size personality.
68: The worst sound in the world: nails on a chalkboard... and excessive chatter
67: The person that makes me cry the most is: no one
66: People that make you happy: My family, Adam and my friends
65: Last time I cried: I don't keep track.
64: My friends are: very cool people
63: My computer is: actually my mom's. Both of my computers are dead..
62: My School: was a hick school.
61: My Car: 2000 ford focus
60: I lose all respect for people who: are pushy and two-faced.
59: The movie I cried at was: I always cry in the last scenes of The Wedding Singer.. but they are happy tears. I want that for myself someday!
58: Your hair color is: auburn
57: TV shows you watch: Ghost Hunters, Ghost Hunters International, and Friends. Also, I Love Lucy and Golden Girls
56: Favorite web site: Facebook, Twitter and Myspace.
55: Your dream vacation: The coast.
54: The worst pain i ever felt: When my back was so bad, that I couldn't walk upright and worked for months that way.
53: How do you like your steak cooked: Medium Well
52: My room is: very nice. Clean, orderly and comfy
51: My favorite celebrity is: is...was... Michael Jackson, Reba, and Jennifer Aniston
50: Where would you like to be: Beach!!! In the water!
49: Do you want children: Yes. Before I am too old to enjoy them.
48: Dream pet: The one I have.
47: Who's your best friend: I have a few: Adam, Mike and Josh. (Didn't we already have this question?)
46: More guy friends or girl friends: guys
45: One thing that makes you feel great is: getting the rare chance to talk to Josh
44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Adam
43: Do you have a 5 year plan: Not yet.
42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: No
41: Have you pre-named your children: I have a few names.. but haven't really thought of it yet.
40: Last person I got mad at: Adam
39: I would like to move to: my house, but I would love to move the interstate!
38: I wish I was a professional: singer.

My Favorites
37: Candy: Milky Ways
36: Vehicle: Ford Probe
35: President: JFK or Obama
34: State visited: I haven't been to many.... but I loved Chicago
33: Cell Phone Provider: I don't have a favorite, really
32: Athlete: Mike counts, he's an ultimate fighter.
31: Actor: I have to say Brad Pitt, before he got with Jolie. Or any guy that is trim and buff.. too many guys are letting themselves go, even if they are actors.
30: Actress: Jennifer Aniston
29: Singer: A lot!
28: Band: Some are: Nickelback, Nirvana, Divide the Day, Kid Rock
27: Clothing Store: Stuff, Etc.
26: Grocery Store: Aldis
25: TV show: Ghosthunters!
24: Movie: Wedding Singer!
23: Website: Facebook
22: Animal: Cats and Dogs
21: Theme Park: NA
20: Holiday: Halloween-I love scaring the neighborhood kids lol (and Christmas, because I love buying my friends and family gifts!)
19: Sport to watch: Football!
18: Sport to play: Volleyball, football and tennis
17: Magazine: Cosmo
16: Book: Mistress of Darkness, or the Twilight Series
15: Day of the week: Sunday and Monday
14: Beach: The reservoir
13: Concert Attended: Valiant Thorr
12: Thing to cook: Mac and Cheese with hotdogs
11: Food: steak tips with mushrooms, rice
10: Restaurant: Lonestar or Outback Steakhouse
9: Radio Station: KHAK, Rock 108
8: Yankee Candle Scent: Never been there.
7: Perfume: Britney Spear's Curious or Fantasy.
6: Flower: lilies!! Potted ones, please!
5: Color: Red
4: Talk Show host: Jon Stewart
3: Comedian: Adam Sandler, Dane Cook, Jeff Dunham
2: Dog Breed: bishon or yorkie
1: Are you ready for this survey to be over? Oh dear lord, yes!

Am I crazy? Or Sane? You decide..

2009-07-02T21:50:00.001-05:00

I'm a crazy woman.

Although, I don't know if that is a good or bad thing..

I do know that this once a week thing, it's getting to me. And that's most definitely NOT a good thing! (The once a week of seeing Adam, not that it gets to me.)

I had two invites to go over to people's places and hang out tonight. And I am sitting here. I'm either really crazy or really sane. Because they were both guys, and I've dated both of them before. Does this make me a good, nice girlfriend? Or an overly conscientious one? Hmmm... (not that anything would've happened, but just the idea, you know..)

I asked Adam a few times today if he was going to be able to come over tonight, after I got off work. And he said no. That this weekend would be the earliest that would work for him to have some time for us together. I got off at seven. I hung out in electronics, giving David a hard time and then came home. (It's an Iowa thing, to hang out in Wal-Mart, I assume.) I changed into comfy, (but nice looking, you know what I mean,) pants and a tanktop.

I settled myself in front of my computer, rockin' to Rock 108, and THEN he calls. It is now 9:00 p.m.

"I'll give you five bucks in gas if you come over tonight." He couldn't have made that call two hours earlier?? He knows I have to work in the morning, and I like my beauty sleep! (Lord knows, I need it!) So, as much as I wanted too go over there, I didn't.

And then, when I decline his lovely invitation, he says something to the effect that, "Oh, well.. I probably would've been complaining about how sore I am the whole time and not been good company." (He laid a bunch of brick retaining walls at his mother's house the past couple of days.. good, hard, physical labor.) But not in the self-pity sort of way, in the guilt laying sort of way...

Grrr....

And now it will be Sunday before I see him again, as far as I know. I am so used to seeing the guy that I date almost daily, not weekly.

Is this normal? What do you guys think?

Ramblings..

2009-06-27T22:36:00.001-05:00

Okay, so i didn't' specify after what day after work I would write about my good Thursday night. Technically, i am still keeping my promise to you, dear reader!

And since it is still the last time I've seen Adam, its still as recent and fresh as it could be!

Anywho.

I was sitting in the den watching the Michael Jackson marathon that B.E.T. was playing in remembrance. I happened to look out at the right moment, and even though it was dark, I instantly recognized the Del Sol. He had come to surprise me! It was a wonderful, unexpected high in my day, that;s for sure. My favorite part of that time together was when we were just talking, and I was resting my head on his stomach as he was reclining. he played with my hair,(an action that is enough to always make me melt and feel instantly at peace. I was very content in that way!

I am very glad today was my Friday. People tend to get on my nerves more and more often, as I near my weekend. But I had a rather nice evening by myself!

I came home from work and played with the puppy for a bit and then took a shower. Since Adam had to cancel our plans earlier today, I got to get a few things done, went shopping, and did my first Yoga session. You wouldn't think that it works, but I could feel it, that's for sure! I like it!

Taylor Swift - Teardrops On My Guitar Lyrics

2009-06-26T21:29:00.002-05:00

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without

Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's so damn funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

[Chorus:]

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
[ Taylor Swift Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause

[Repeat Chorus]

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see

Another day I wouldn't care to repeat..

2009-06-26T09:23:00.000-05:00

My day wasn't all that great yesterday, but my mood ended on a much higher note than I anticipated when I finally fell asleep.

As soon as I got to work, I immediately wanted to come back home or disappear into nature for the entire day. My people skills went on hiatus, I was irritable, and it just kept getting worse not matter how hard I tried. Usually I sneak in a minute here and there of deep breathing and mediation on hard days, but yesterday it didn't even cross my mind to do so.

And then, the totally unexpected news- Michael Jackson died yesterday at the age of 50 due to heart problems. The media, for once isn't getting many details but they said he had cardiac arrest at his home and by the time he was at the hospital he was unresponsive.

To me, this is the equivalent to when Elvis died to the previous generation. Some of my first musical memories include M.J. I didn't believe Adam when he texted me the news`I thought he was screwing with me!

That brings me back to yesterday. Jane had gone home before I even got there, due to childcare issues. Then Samantha went home sick. (No comment on that, besides she only had to work a four and a half hour shift, she could've made it if she really wanted to.)

It was 6:40, twenty minutes left of my shift when CSM Britney cam over and told me they wanted me up front. I was trying to do all the closing things, since there would be no one int eh department for the rest of the day, so I told her I couldn't.

A few minutes later, Assistant Angie calls up tot he counter and lays in on me that I need to go up there and I need to make sure that I am helping take care of our customer over and over, I held the phone away from my ear and could still hear here! She wouldn't let me get in a word after I answered the phone, so ashamedly, (or not so much,) I hung up on her. I did go up front, but didn't' finish cleaning up the department besides taking the trash back.

I HAVE to hop in the shower, but I'll write about my wonderful night next time!

Another day done..

2009-06-24T22:07:00.000-05:00

The end of another day in the life. Not too shabby of a day overall. Some decent parts, and some not so good parts, like any other day.

I didn't really feel like being around many people today, but half of the customers were all right. Kathy irked me like usual-but what else is new? She ignored a few customers and I had to take care of them even thought I was deep cleaning a case. (I wouldn't have minded, except I was in the middle of my project and she hadn't made it past the counter with the bit of freight she was going to put away. But enough ink and paper waster on her for this entry!)

I did have a highlight when Jen and her mom came in with Austin! Seven weeks old, and already I can see his beginning developments. Such a little angel! Of course, I had to hold him and so I held him for about five minutes while i was still in the department, and went and clocked out for lunch. Then I kidnapped him from Jen's mom, and Jen and I walked around with him for about a half hour. His favorite way for me to held him so his tiny head nestled against my right sho9uld and his hand holding as tight as he can onto it. Poor little thing had the hiccups, abut it was adorable! I';m hoping they maybe they can come down this weekend or next with him to my house again.

A rather disappointing thing though is that Adam and I had made plans for a romantic candlelit dinner tonight here. Unfortunately he couldn't make it. So, I settled myself with my usual mac and cheese with hot dogs and a strawberry ice cream cone for desert. Oh well, its' okay I understand why he had to cancel. He doesn't really have any choice.

I saw one of my old sociology classmates today as well. Shes looking great! and definitely has that distinct glow. Shes going to have a baby girl in a few months, I guess.

I spent about an hour tonight getting I-CAPS affairs under control, setting up a meeting with SMPS (Shoki Midwestern Paranormal Society) and running over the most major details with Tymon on the phone. I needed to type up the member applications and mail to Dak at SMPS,, but unfortunately my Microsoft Word program is a long past expired trial version> Tymon's going to pick the applications up tomorrow and get them typed and emailed.

Last Sunday, (that I spent with Adam,) was the greatest time I've had in a long while! I am STILL thinking about how I like it so! Went to the Coralville Dam, (where I finally got fully submerged in the water for the first time this year!) And then we went to say hi to Snow Demon, but wasn't at all like he thought it would be, I think. We made a Tombstone pizza and watched, 'Wedding Crashers'. Lots of close contact, talking and cuddling as well...

(There's a brief recap since I fell asleep during the time i tried writing that entry!)

Speaking of sleep~ I can feel it trying to steal over me and steal away my consciousness, so I better turn off the light, snuggle with my puppy and let it!

Good night (or day, whichever applies when you read this!)

Madly, crazy in love!!

2009-06-23T11:50:00.002-05:00

I wonder why the terms crazy and mad are used in conjunction to being in love with someone? (Oh wait... I have this magical, endless box of knowledge and key of google to open it...)

Well, that was disappointing.. all I got were song lyrics and articles about why women fall for crazy guys...

Anyway, I am madly in love with a great guy! Head over heels, crazy for him.. pick any description like that!

That's all. I just had to say it out load. And since I don't have the guts to climb onto my roof and shout it (fear of heights and all!), this is the next best thing!

A retraction, and apology if you will...

2009-06-23T11:04:00.002-05:00

The more I learn about my father, the more I DON'T want him to be a part of my life, and am happy I don't have to claim him by last name. (Or in any other way.)

My blogging about him has stirred up quite the response from people that I have mentioned. And apparently, I can add 'compulsive liar' to the traits that he has, that I do not want my future significant other to have. This is where the apology comes in. I stated in my entry, 'It's all relative', that I was used to mood swings due to a former step-sister having bi-polar. I was told this by my father shortly after I met my former step-family, and had no reason not to accept it as being fact, seeming that it was my father who told me and I didn't realize that he would tell un-truths about his family.The truth is, that neither the one that messaged me or her sister have been ever been diagnosed with bi-polar. Seems that from day one he was lying to me, and why I couldn't begin to guess. I'm sorry to you all. And I wonder if anything he ever told me was true or not.

In response to only meeting the handful of times, I also wanted to let you guys know that I did try to get in further contact with you, by asking him for your email address or phone numbers for many years, before your mother and him divorced. He kept saying he'd get them to me, but never happened. This was in addition of wanting to come up for the weekend, and he would brush those off as well..

Strange.. with the writing lately, I feel lighter, like a weight I didn't realize was so heavy has been lifted.. I think I've totally accepted what I can't change from my past, and can only use that information to make sure my future doesn't repeat itself...

TV time!

2009-06-22T19:49:00.001-05:00

Off to watch last week's GhostHunters episodes! Woot! I didn't even get to catch the commercials for these, so I don't know what played!!

Such a good day, I fell asleep writing about it!

2009-06-22T00:00:00.002-05:00

What a very, very good day? What made it so good? I spent the great majority of it with Adam. It's become our routine to set aside Sundays to spend the whole day with one another. (Typically mid-afternoon to late into the night.) We haven't sat down 'officially' and decided on anything like that-it just happens. And it is a very good plan!

Today I went over there somewhere between two and three, and came in to him vacuuming the basement with a little hose vacuum. Interesting! After he realized that I was on the stair watching, he stopped cleaning and we hung out for a little while. Then he fed me some good ravioli. (Well, not personally fed me, but you know what i mean!!)....

Watching Grease-and this song is one that I ALWAYS have to sing with!!

2009-06-20T21:28:00.002-05:00

The One I Want Lyrics

I got chills, they're multiplyin', and I'm losin' control
Cause the power you're supplyin', it's electrifyin'

You better shape up, cause I need a man,
and my heart is set on you
You better shape up, you better understand,
to my heart I must be true
Nothing left, nothing left for me to do

Chorus:
You're the one that I want
(you are the one I want), ooh ooh ooh, honey
The one that I want (you are the one I want),
ooh ooh ooh, honey
The one that I want (you are the one I want),
ooh ooh ooh, honey
The one I need (the one I need),
oh yes indeed (yes indeed)

If you're filled with affection,
You're too shy to convey
Meditate my direction, feel your way

I better shape up,
cause you need a man
I need a man,
Who can keep me satisfied
I better shape up, if I'm gonna prove
You better prove, that my fate is justified
Are you sure?
Yes I'm sure down deep inside

Rantings instead of musings tonight...

2009-06-18T23:12:00.001-05:00

10:49 p.m.

What a day!! (And not in a good way for most of it, really.) It started out well enough, I blogged/journaled a page, took a shower, talked to Mike a bit via text, and got to work just about ten minutes past ten. That's when my day tried its hardest to shoot itself all to hell~but I managed not to let it get to m,e. It was close at the end, but I survived in one piece and in a pretty decent mood.

I swear, it felt as though the store was under an artificial full moon all day and that people were going to transform into werewolves and vampires, attack each other and be done with it!

I wasn't even in the department for five minutes before Kathy said something to the effect of "Where have you been? You're supposed to start at ten, not ten-fifteen! I've been waiting to go on break forever, I get here at 7 and haven't had a break yet... yadayadaya..."

Well, for some reason reason I'm likable at work, (I know, right?) and I'm constantly stopped by people saying Hi and wanting to chat. SO I told her this.

"It doesn't matter, tell them you are supposed to be working! You don't have time for chatting with them!!" Um... excuse me? This coming from the woman who takes 20-25 minute 15's, dawdles at the computer, stands around complaining theres nothing to do, and leaves early! (Just to name a FEW things that her hypocritical statements brought to mind!)

If it was just Kathy PMS'ing today, I could've handled it, no sweat. But I think 99% of those at work were ragging today. CSM's, Management, fellow associates all included. It felt like Samantha and I were fighting for our collective sanity, while being attakced form all sides by mean tempered, ragging zombies! (how about that for a pretty picture, dear reader? Imagine us armed with just our ear piercing guns and think you'd you'd be all set!)

I think the only people really decent today was my mom, Samantha, Dawn and Brian. Brian's pretty cool. he kept offering me shoulder massages today, but I couldn't accept since we were at work and all. Darn./

Haven't heard from Adam all day today. Might still be affected by the texts yesterday. I miss talking to him, but I've already sent him few messages last night. I didn't do anything to apologize for, so hopefully he comes around soon. But who knows? He's stubborn. One way or another I 'll be going to the beach this weekend-if it's at all nice!

Might write more later. I want to write (or start writing,) a list of things that I'll need form me camping trip to Lammasfest.

'Til next time
Seana
11:12 p.m.

It's all relative..

2009-06-18T09:08:00.000-05:00

9:00n a.m.

I am running late. (What else is new? Time is relative to some people. I'll be sure to share the theories I've found at a later date!)

Even though I am running behind, I just had to exclaim- I LOVE the feeling of bare grass underfoot!! And we had a massive thunderstorm las night, so it was wet as well. Woot!

Haven't heard from Adam since yesterday afternoon, even though I've sent him a few texts. Last thing I got from him was to the effect that he, "wasn't goin' to say nothin'."Not the easiest thing not to reply that that sentence really says he'll say a lot! It was in response to the fact that I teased him for telling me to 'chill'. Oh well, I'm used to mood swings of people, god knows my family is plagued with them on my mom's side and my step sister on my father's side is bi-polar. It was really extreme when she was in her teens/early twenties.

I have to go take a quick shower now and be off to work.

Ciao!

Seana

9:08 a.m.

Forever and a day...

2009-06-17T23:11:00.000-05:00

11:11 p.m.

At least it feels like it's been that long since I've written any of actual thoughts and observations in any sort of detail. (And, I just notice something in my handwritten version of my journal- my handwriting is eerily like one of my closest friend's-Jennifer's!)

11:44 p.m.

Yes, a full half hour to accomplish just those few sentences. Interruptions are common in my house, at least interruptions from others to what I am doing. I also was watching "Office Space"; I picked up that classic at W-M for only about $3.75! (ten percent discount, and it was on special for the low, low princes of only $4! And if you call now...) Wait, sorry, I got caught up in the whole infomercial similarity of my writing!

Anywho.

I can go days or weeks, just going along with the flow-not thinking about anything in particular/ Just working, hanging out and sleeping. Then all of a sudden my brain won't stop. Surely, there's gotta be some happy medium. A mental version of working if you will- do a few days (reps) of internal hashing and then few day's resting break.

*happy dance* I remembered to register for Lammasfest 2009 this year! And I even made it in time for the early registration! It'll be so nice to get awawy for a weekend, away from work, people that I deal with on a regular basis and be able to concentrate on my life journey and my internal struggle with trying to find my way spiritually. I think the hardest thing will be to be without my puppy for a few days and nights! I worry that she wont' be taken care of as I do it. She's my princess, there's no doubt about that and I don't hide it. :)

But then, I got the thought that i don't even know how to build a campfire! hope Kirk and Marsha are camping so that I can set up my spot near them and share in their expertise!I don't know if I'll know anyone else there.

Marsha said that Jeff might be there, which I already thought of, but really that's just another stranger really. We haven't talked since we brike up_not from lack of a bit of trying on my part. I hope that he doesn't decide not to come purely because of finding out that I registered to go. I would feel bad, even though we don't talk. If that is the case, and I find otu, I would consider pulling my registration just because I wouldn't want to ruin the get together for him, Kirk and Marsha.

Onward. I can't control others, as I am constatnly, needlkessly being reminded of daily. I just keep repeating to myself...

ENOUGH WITH THE INTERRUPTIONS THAT I KEEP GETTING WHILE I AM TRYING TO WRITE! I'll try again tomorrow.. (I got interrupted in the last paragraph, and can't remember what I was about to say..)

Hope you all have/had a great night.

12:18a.m.
June 18th, 2009

I apologize to everyone who reads (or did!) my blog..

2009-06-17T21:15:00.002-05:00

Man, I have really been sucking on the blogging this year! Jeezus--ONLY sixteen posts in this whole year????

I do have plenty to say, that's for sure! So, I am making a mid-year resolution! I am going to try to blog a LOT more, but with limited, uninterrupted access to my computer.. I am going to try for 2-3 times a week. But, don't fret--I printed off a bunch of pretty paper to write in way more often than that. And I will try to spend the couple of times a week that I get uninterrupted transferring the entries from paper to blog...

I have a lot to do tonight, but hopefully you will have a lot more to read from me in the future dear readers!

'Til we meet again!
Seana
Your slacking blog host

Quick spontaneous research question..

2009-05-14T20:17:00.002-05:00

Guys, what makes women sexy, attractive and attention grabbing to you?

Ladies, what is it about the male gender that you find irresistible?

Pretty Happy, today... knock on wood

2009-04-28T23:13:00.003-05:00

I have a movie date night with Adam on Thursday! *happy dance*

And, I'm going to have popcorn, and a few boxes of candy. It's going to be a cheesy, wonderful cuddle-filled evening! Woot!

I'm pretty happy today. I worked, and got a third set of piercings in my ears today. Samantha had to do some more training, so I thought I would go ahead and give it a shot. That's all the holes going into my head (or any other part of my body!) that I am doing!

I cleaned my house on Sunday and yesterday, and it looks so good! A clean house makes me very happy, although getting the motivation to actually get it that way escapes me often! I also rearranged my bathroom, bedroom and laundry room. Got rid of more stuff that I never need or even look at. The more junk that I clear out, the happier and more relaxed I am. It's a great feeling! I can actually see the progress I am making now.

Very exciting!

Now, I am very hungry, so I am going to go scrounge up some food and take a nice, relaxing shower and curl up in bed with my puppy and sleep. :)

Have a great night (or day, if that's when you are reading this), my dear readers!

The tree project...

2009-04-27T10:15:00.002-05:00

Up to over 300 ancestors now.. and that is just stemming back from my maternal grandmothers.. exciting!

It's become addicting to work on my family tree.. I didn't want to stop last night, but finally my headache overcame my ability to stare at the screen. I'm not used to staring at a computer monitor for 7-8 hours a day!

Just a quick typing...

2009-04-26T22:07:00.004-05:00

A quick note about a few things:

One, I finally decided to attack my family tree and find out more about my roots. I spent most of today just doing the maternal line of my family. Ancestry.com is AWESOME! I usually only can take a little bit of staring at a monitor at a time, but I think I spend at least six hours on the computer today, working on my lineage. I started with just a few papers that I received from my aunt, approximately 25-30 people.. and now I am at 181 of my ancestors figured out. Yeah!

Two, I wish that if people hinted or suggested that they were going to do something that they would follow through. It's rather annoying to be expecting some sort of event to occur, when it was mentioned in promising words.. and then nothing. Not even a few words to say that it wasn't going to happen. GRRR.... And that's all on that topic. I am not usually one to dwell.(EDITOR 'S NOTE: This has been happening to me a lot lately by different people, it is not any one particular person. I just had to vent it out and didn't want to name names.)

Three...Being at home, grounded by my defunct car is pretty okay, I am figuring out. More about what happened with my car, perhaps tomorrow morning.. but it shows me how much people really want to see me when I am not the one driving to them. It gives me more time to focus on myself and activities that I've been procrastinating.

Four.. work is going okay. I am slowly getting the person that is trying to cause problems for me out of the department. (I hope.) At least management can see now that I am not the incompetent one, because now others are complaining about her with things she's done and said to them. All in due time, All in due time..

Five.. Adam and I are still dating. I am not used to only seeing the guy that I am dating only once a week, but I guess it'll work out. He makes me happy, and I hope I do the same for him.. so it's all good.

All for now. I must go wrap up things for the night. My eyes are hurting from so much screen exposure today. Good night, everyone!

Weekend Trip to the Raptor Center

2009-04-14T11:01:00.005-05:00

Late, but here it is. Adam and I went to the Raptor Center this weekend, and got out in nature for the first time together. It was great! I always prefer to be around trees instead of concrete, and it was great to experience it together. Another thing that we have in common is the fact that we both love being outside. I love climbing around on the rocks, hiking and breathing in more fresh air than you can find here in town. We went around and saw the birds first, and then made our way down to the lake and climbed the rocks around the lake. We found some great fossils, but unfortunately I forgot the few that I was going to bring home. (Oh well, I can find even more the next time I go!)

Then, I started to take pictures. So, we made our way back around the cages and down to the bird watching station. Not only did we see some pretty birds, but saw a momma deer and two babies. Deer are such pretty creatures.

Here are some of the pictures that I took while we were there...

Woot! I wanted to post about it earlier, but when I have a serious blog entry in mind, I cannot think about writing any others until I am done mulling over it.

The past affecting the future

2009-04-14T00:54:00.005-05:00

"The only man a girl can depend on is her daddy."

That line from Grease is one that has resonated with me for years, and it has even affected the way that I approach my relationships. I think this is, because in my case, I didn't even have my own dad to depend on growing up. He dropped out of my life right before my 2nd birthday, (August 7th, 1986) and didn't come back into my life until about two days before my 16th.

Fourteen years of absence from my life, and all he could say was, "I always MEANT to call or write, but time just gets away from us." Ten to one, he wouldn't have ever gotten back in contact with me, if it wasn't for the letters that I sent him secretly throughout 6th grade. And, not even then.. had it not been for my former step-mom who happened to find those letters while doing some spring cleaning! I owe it to her for the relationship I have with my father, albeit shaky and off-on as it is. At least I've gotten to meet my two half brothers, and my former step-sisters.

How has that quote and my experiences with an absent father affected my dating relationships? Easy. (Or so it may seem to me, now, that I've been thinking about it a lot (lightly for the last couple of years, heavily for the last half of year or so.)

Since I was about 16-17, I convinced most of myself that I didn't want children. I dated guys that didn't want them as well, and guys that weren't very dependable. I guess I figured that if I couldn't count on my daddy, then there weren't any guys that I could even attempt to count on to be there for me.

My realization of what I really wanted from life started coming unearthed, in my mind, during the last (very rocky) months of my previous relationship with Jeff. I was seeing how deep of a mess he was getting himself in, and I know that sooner or later, (pardon the crudeness,) the shit is going to hit the fan for him. I realized that I needed a man that I could depend on to stay out of trouble to be able to support me and a future family. I needed a man that could stay out of jail/prison and not resort to illegal practices to make money just for kicks. I needed a man that I could trust with all my heart and soul around myself and any possible children. And, perhaps most of all, I needed a man that wasn't an alcoholic like my father. Jeff didn't fit any of that bill.. which is when I just considered it a lost cause.

The truth of it is, I DO want marriage and a couple of children. I just hope with all that I have that I find a guy that will WANT to walk with me throughout all the experiences, trials, joys and tribulations of life together, no matter what happens or what comes our way. And hope that I don't have a 'hit and run' man.. one's just looking for flings and no commitment. (Like my father admitted when he dated my mother and then found out I was on the way.)

I'm scared to death that I wouldn't be a good momma... but if I didn't worry about that, shouldn't that raise more red flags about my abilities and my mindset?

I've been dating Adam for three months now. Through conversation about the topic and seeing him interact with Austin once, I know that he'd be there for me in the future if we happened to have children. And I know that he would be a good daddy. This is the first relationship that I have had that I am feeling really good about and am truly excited to see where it takes us. Perhaps it's because I've decided that I am not hiding my wants, needs and desires anymore. Or maybe it's because I have a really good feeling about us? It's definitely a combination of the two; and a whole lot more!

Maybe the line should be revised to be not that, "The only guy that a girl can depend on is her daddy," but that, "The only thing that a girl can depend on to show her what she needs and desires from her future is her past?"

All I must say....

2009-03-23T23:16:00.002-05:00

...is that I cannot WAIT to get my own computer again! Every time I go to open ANYTHING on the computer, one of my well meaning family members come in the room and want to peer at the screen and yack...

Not that I don't love my family, but jeez.. I haven't had a quiet moment to myself in a couple of weeks, and haven't had much of spoiling for awhile.. It takes a toll not to have quiet time.

In the period of typing those two small paragrahs, I was interrupted twice. And the TV is blaring so loud, I cannot even hear myself think. I think I am going to retire to my room for the night, and text/call Adam. Then, bury myself in a good movie, either romantic or comedic I'm not for sure yet...

Okay, my rant is done for now.. Now, back to your regularly scheduled surfing.

(Next entry, I'm going to pimp out a few of the bands that I've recently discovered. :) )

Can you help me vote on this please?

2009-03-23T19:57:00.002-05:00

I just watched Steve-O (From Jackass, and WildBoys) dance his heart out on Dancing with the Stars and I think he needs all the help he can get from his fans!

Last week, he wasn't able to perform due to a back injury that he sustained during practice.. but his fans pulled him all the way through this week just with online and phone votes!!

You could tell that he was in major pain tonight, and he limped off the stage, but he took total guts to dance his heart out for his fans. Let's help the dude out and vote for him and Lacey Schwimmer!!

Each person can vote 12 times online, can you do that for me? Thanks everyone!!

http://ll.abc.go.com/primetime/dancingwiththestars/index?pn=vote09&v7

Voting only goes for another thirty minutes!

I don't usually do reality shows, but come on! It's Steve-0 and he gave it his all, you could tell!

After a bit of a hiatus,...

2009-03-20T16:54:00.002-05:00

...I am back. I didn't realize just how much time had passed since my last post. It seems stimultaneously like just yesterday and a year since my last writing.

I was jarred back into thinking about my blog and my writings when I got a message from one of my readers just about fifteen minutes ago. I didn't think much about my blogging, and didn't think that in the grand scheme of everything online that it would be missed if I stopped. I know I'm just another bodiless being in the world wide internet universe.

But, I got this nice message on my myspace page from one of my dear readers. It may seem ordinary and bland to many people, but I was touched by it. I hope you don't mind my sharing, dear reader!

"Hey sweetie, its occurred to me that I haven't read a blog or spoke to you in a while so I thought I would come on here and say hey and see how you are doing.
Hope all is well!"

So, I will attempt to write more regularly again..although I cannot do the daily (or double daily) writing that I was doing before. My computer completely died at the end of January, which leaves me with the main computer in the house, at which I get zero privacy at most of the time. I really wish I could replace my computer, but alas the money situation doesn't seem to be loosening any time soon! And in this tight economy, I think I can come up with far more pressing matters to put my resources to, as I am sure all of my readers can understand!

Quick recap of the past two months:

I got promoted the first week of February-finally!! No longer am I a complete lowly sales associate in shoes! I am now the Jewelry Sales Coordinater, which is above the regular associates in the department and just below the department manager. I am learning her job, so in the future, who knows? I like it much better! Now, give me some music to work with and I'd be really happy!

Speaking of music, I've started going to some shows downtown. And, although it's only been two so far, I throughly enjoyed myself! So far, these bands are the ones that have entranced me:

Snow Demon http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=231223662
Admiral of the Black
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=379133833
Burnout
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=3167245
Valient Thorr
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=1325027

This development in my musical experiences wouldn't have been possible without my great boyfriend, Adam. Yes, I am still with the guy that I started dating in January. And I couldn't be happier! We are doing very well, at least I think so!

I've made a few good friends in my department, they started working for the company right when I transferred over to the Jewelry department. They are pretty rockin' chicks! Meredith and I plan on meeting for a show tomorrow night, and Sierra and I are working on starting a group to do paranormal investigations.

Mood Swings, Promotions, and hot boyfriends..

2009-01-23T20:51:00.005-06:00

I'm sad.

No reason why, really. I just am today. I get that way sometimes.

No, scratch that.

Often. I get that way often. With no reason in particular.

I mean, there's really nothing bad going on right now, it's all good. *knock on wood*

I've begun dating a really awesome guy that I've known for years.. Well, awesome, great, rockin', sweet..pick your adjective..it works. (There's plenty of entries waiting to be written involving the awesome times that I spend with him, but my blog notebook has decided to go M.I.A. and I have no idea where it has scampered off to..Never fear, once I find the little rascal my writings will be completely updated!!)

I am remodeling (cosmetically,) my bathroom. I could NOT take the boat theme one day longer. I don't know why the people who owned this house before me thought that it was a clever idea. They put medium blue on the lower half of three walls, a dark blue chair rail, one wall was completely dark blue. And they went as far as putting tacky silver knobs on the chair rail as well. BLECH.

Thanks to Adam, the chair rail and knobs are gone, and tonight I filled in the holes that were in the two walls that I will be painting first. I am going with the colors here in this picture:

along with a few accent pieces in darker blue, because the bathroom floor has blue/grey diamonds in it.

Anywho.

I got a LONG overdue promotion finally. You are now reading the thoughts and ideas of a -- *drumroll please*-- Jewelry Sales Co-ordinater. Woot! That bumps me up the payscale FIVE spots! And, it's higher up on the recognition scale, as well as being in a new area finally.

A girl can only be surrounded by shoes for so long, you know. (Lesser known fact, right??)

Happily Slacking...

2009-01-14T00:00:00.004-06:00

I know, I know..I haven't written for awhile. Not ENTIRELY my fault, my computer has been acting so stupid lately, that I haven't felt like dealing with it any more than I have to. Though never fear, my dear readers... I have been jotting down little notes about every day that passes, so when I do FINALLY get the chance to blog a bit, I won't forget anything.

I was wondering where to start, but then I figured that the first day would be the most logical and best place to pick up where I started just writing in my notebook. Typically, however, I like starting in the middle of things. Then winding around to part of the beginning then meandering through parts of the ending..but I won't make you do that sort of reading tonight.

(Speaking of my dear readers, I seem to have lost some of you over the holiday season. I hope all is well, and you manage to surf through my blog occasionally. Feel free to leave your blog addresses as well, for the rest of us to read!)

Anywho.

Adam came over last night and we watched the 2006 version of 'The Hills Have Eyes'. I love that movie, but like with most horror/gory movies, I can't watch it by myself. I guess I'm girlie in that way! (I cannot even watch any of the 'Nightmare on Elm Street' movies by myself!)

After the movie ended, we decided to pop in 'Along Came Polly', starring Jennifer Aniston and cuddled together tightly throughout the whole thing. That has quickly become one of my favorite things to do: cuddling tightly in his arms! The movie ended around 3:30 in the morning, but we stayed up talking for another hour until we finally fell asleep in mid-conversation.

We woke up around 9, and started getting lost in conversation again right away. After awhile, (and after taking the puppy outside,) we fiddled around with this stupid computer of mine. We were thinking that I could go ahead and re-install windows because I had found the discs I needed to re-install the modem and router. Unfortunately, the windows disc that I have won't work on my desktop, only on my laptop. Grrrrrr....

Adam continually blows me away with how thoughtful and sweet he is! Like today. He noticed that the puppy doesn't like to go outside in the snow drifts, because it makes her paws too cold and she can't walk well out in the yard. So, he shoveled her a 'doggy run' in the yard. It's a medium sized circle that comes right up to two sides of the patio. She absolutely LOVES it! And it blew my mind with his thoughtfulness!

After awhile of being back inside, I fixed lunch for everyone consisting of: pork chops, yams, corn and mixed fruit. It turned out really good! The meat was just right, seeming to melt in my mouth when I ate it. Yummm...

He had plans with some friends this afternoon, so he left shortly after we ate. I must say that I had such a wonderful time with him and loved every minute of it!

New Years and New Starts

2009-01-12T04:16:00.000-06:00

Every ending brings about a new beginning.

And what better saying to use for this particular entry? Yes, things are going well for me, if you haven't guessed.

Let me count the ways(in no particular order):

1.)I'm up for the chance of a bit promotion at work, I do hope. The jewelry coordinator quit, due to the new order of scheduling, leaving her position open. It was really JoAnn's idea that I try for it, so I put in my 'official interest'. The hours suck, (1-10), but the pay would be a bit more. By how much, I am not sure... I really want a department manager job for the good hours, but if I have to work late like I've been told, I might as well be paid more!

2.)I haven't been cashiering near as much as I was...(knock on wood.) That makes my days so much better when I can stay off the front end.

3.) My Marykay business is starting it's first full year, so I need to get going on that full throttle. My first training will be on Wednesday as well as my first facial; unless I can combine the two. I've gotta call Amber real quick tomorrow about that and see if she wants to bring anyone.

4.) Last, but CERTAINLY not least. I've been spending a bit of time with Adam lately, and we, (after bringing the idea up a few times,) have decided that yes, we would like to date. We are going to ease into things, no rushing for us. That's the best way to do it, don't you think?
After the 'unofficial' breakup I had with Jeff, (seven months ago,) and the 'official' one not long after, I didn't think I would be interested in even thinking about dating anyone anytime soon. However, since Adam and I started taking again and hanging out, I've rethought that.
I'm really comfortable around him & it seems we've known each other FOREVER. And a major factor of attraction is also present, not just in how he looks, (I'm not shallow!), but his intellect and our common interests. I am very excited about how this may hopefully turn out! Wish us luck, my dear readers!

Anyway, there are some of the great beginnings going on for me right now. I've gotta go to bed, and be up in five hours or so. I just wanted to jot things thing after Adam left and I fell asleep. Good night all!

Musical Hodgepodge..

2009-01-06T22:34:00.003-06:00

As you should DEFINATELY know by now, music comes as natural to me as breathing. I like to pass on loads of links and videos to my wonderful fellow musers.

And this entry is no exception.

Today, Adam sent me some links to music he wanted to introduce me to.. so, my dear readers, you can sample them as I am doing right now.

First, here is the track that he " would like to request this song for(me)..

(Pride & Glory - Lovin' Woman)

I really don't know why he wanted to pick that particular track for me.. but it's a cool song.

Next up is:

(Almost Easy - Avenged Sevenfold)

I like it, reminds me of Ozzy as in how you can't understand what he is saying half the time. At least for me, when I watch him in interviews, it takes a few minutes of, "What the heck?" before it all clicks and I can suddenly comprehend every word. But, I like this track none-the-less.

The next link he sent me didn't work, it was for Slayer-BloodLine. YouTube gave me the error that the video wasn't available, so I'll have to look it up manually later. Let me know if any of you find it before I do!

This next one had me shaking my poor, frazzled head.

(ARCH ENEMY - Revolution Begins)

It started out promising, the instrumental in the first MINUTE was good.. I start to get distracted, though when the opening goes on for a minute. You know, short attention span and all! Then, the (chick?) opened her mouth and stopped my clicking in mid-press. I gave it a full listen to be full, but I gotta admit. NOT my cup of tea..this is the sort of song that makes me wonder if the poor singer didn't get enough hugs growing up? I like rock, don't get me wrong.. but in the words of Ricky Ricardo: "Aye Aye Aye..LUCCCCCCCCCYYYYYYY!!"

Maybe one of my readers will like it, so I am being fair and including that video.

Okay. Two more to go, are you falling asleep yet, dear reader?

No?

Good! Let us continue our musical explorations on this chilly, (okay, okay downright freezing..), January evening.

(All That Remains - Two Weeks)

OOOoooohhh... This one is MUCH better! I really like this song! And the lead guy is pretty hot, if that is of any interest to my female readers.. Definately five stars from me!

Last, and maybe least.

(GWAR)

This one, sadly, was another one that was so odd (disturbing?) to me that I just had to watch it to the end. I seriously have no words for me. Amazing.. but not in a good way. Sorry Adam!

All in all, an interesting group of tracks and some real hits in there. And, a few misses to be honest. But, my dear and wonderful readers, let me know what you think! Each video doesn't take long at all to view/listen to and comment on!

Hope you all are having a great night!

Greased Lightin'

2009-01-06T00:43:00.005-06:00

If you know me at all, you know my all-time FAVORITE movie is Grease, starring John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John.

I watched it again yesterday, and I still love it as much as the first time I saw it. The above video is my favorite part of the movie, when she makes his jaw drop (and all the other T-birds jaws as well!

I must be honest with you, dear reader. I wish I could cause that sort of reaction just once in my life. But alas.. I'm like the earlier good-girl Sandy, not like the head turning gorgeous Sandy.

And that is the bulk of my mini-pity party. I am who I am, and someday I will make someone's head turn, I am sure. (and not a creepy someone's, either!)

I used to hate what I looked like, and couldn't even look in the mirror at myself. I am slowly getting past that, and accepting who I am. Josh has a lot to do with that improvement, I must say. If you are just recently tuning in to my blogs, Josh is my best friend of over 18 years. And, he is the best best friend that anyone could ever hope for. He is a constant esteem booster, and shoulder when I need him for anything. And when I say anything, I mean ANYTHING.

I hope you enjoy the top clip, and just so that this entry can live up to it's title....Here is the Greased Lighten' clip! I love this scene as well, and I really have the whole movie memorized if you want to know the truth!

Happy New Years..and all that Jazz..

2009-01-05T23:28:00.004-06:00

Plenty of different things going on that I could write about in a decent matter.. I just haven't had the inspiration deep enough to do so.

My muse has gone south for the winter apparently. I hope she or he or whomever they are is enjoying warmer weather and hot, sunny beaches for me.

Heaven knows, that is my ideal day.. lounging on the beach at Lake McBride all day long..

Anywho.

I had a good Christmas with my small family. I actually received many thoughtful gifts from my brother, and wonderful gifts from my mom. No boyfriend at Christmastime this year for me. It's the first time I've been single in at least six years~and I am enjoying it immensely!! Way more time to myself and far fewer headaches!

I managed to send out oodles of Christmas cards this year, I was very pleased with myself for not only sitting down and writing them out and addressing them, but getting them into the mailbox and out to the recipients before Christmas! First time in my life have I actually managed to do that with ALL the cards! Hallelujah! (or Gesundheit, whichever you prefer :P)

(Usually, the cards get thrown in a pile in my glove compartment or stuck haphazard into my car visor..where I come across them in June or July... I always MEAN to mail them out~it just doesn't usually happen.)

One of the cards that we sent out this year was to my brother's best friend,Adam, of twenty-something years. He used to say that he's known me since I was knee-high to a grasshopper, (They are 8-9 years older than I am.) We haven't really seen him since we moved into the new house a little over a year ago, so we sent him a card with contact information and stuff.

And..

..with a few hits and misses of contact, I finally got to talk to him again Saturday night. Two hours and fifteen minutes was our conversation.. so it's all good. He's a pretty decent guy, a musician. But my brother's best friend..so even if I was interested, it would not happen.

Onward.

It is now a few days into a brand new year, and I have yet to come up with any resolutions or really put any serious thought into making some. I should though, I really want to make on concerning my Mary Kay business, exercise routine, cooking healthy and reading... but I am still thinking about it. No one says that the resolutions HAVE to start January 1st, right?

...Umm...I had way more things to jot down in my blog tonight.. but Kid Rock's All Summer Long came on my player and distracted me. Sorry about that, my lovely readers!

So, tell me!

How was your holidays?

What kind of lovely resolutions did you come up with?

How did you spend your New Years? (If you can remember it, that is!)

Great Deals!

2009-01-03T20:41:00.000-06:00

Is one of your resolutions to look your best in the new year?

Or are you just looking for a change?

I can help you achieve what you are looking for! During the month of January 2009, I am offering a 10% discount on all Mary Kay products ordered through me!

In addition, I am also offering a free gift to those wonderful ladies who call me and schedule a skin care class! Bring a friend to make it a party!

Contact me, Seana Pierce, your Mary Kay Beauty Consultant for more details!

Seana Pierce
Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant
1424 Denali Court
Coralville, IA 52241
Phone: 319-400-2582
seana.pierce@marykay.com

Shop with me 24/7 from your computer at: www.marykay.com/seana.pierce!

Changing our image..

2008-12-28T10:03:00.008-06:00

...one pound at a time.

That's what I hope to do in my family. Over the years, my family has slowly tacked on the pounds, like most Americans. Lots of greasy, fatty foods and no exercise.

I've been telling my brother that he was getting closer and closer to being obese, and a few weeks ago I ran his stats through a calculator online which told him that he was, yes, obese. Then, last week, he had a doctor's appointment and guess what?

That's right, the doctor told him the same thing, that he was now in the obese category and he needed to lose quite a bit of weight to be healthy again and avoid further medical problems.

My mother is overweight as well, but she's been talking about wanting to lose weight for a long time. So, last weekend we made a exercise room upstairs for everyone to use. (Now, although noise annoys me and that particular room is right above mine, I just remind myself that it's for their own good.) We gathered all the exercise elements that everyone had into one room for us all to use. We have a treadmill in there, a weight machine, a exercise bike, a pilates ball and an huge exercise ball, plus all of the DVDS and VHS' that we had. We'll be adding more, little by little, when we have the money. There's a really good AB machine that I want. It's one that has back support while I use it, which is really appealing because I have a really bad back.

On the food side of things, I am the primary grocery buyer in the house, and I realized that I wasn't helping matters at all with the food choices that I brought home. So, yesterday, I started myself a pretty cookbook, (with colored pages and pretty font,) of stuff that contains no chocolate and lots of healthy food. Chocolate is one of our biggest downfalls.

Starting on Tuesday, when I get groceries next, no more unhealthy foods are entering into our kitchen. And I will be cleaning out the unhealthy stuff tomorrow.

I just realized that I hadn't mentioned my weight or health yet, in my writings. (This computer is freezing up in the middle of every paragraph, kind of disrupts my train of thought with every opportunity. (Knock on wood...three thousand times!)

I started the year at a little less than 100 pounds. I know, I know, but I've been trying to GAIN weight for years, and it just wouldn't come. I had customers every week actually ask me if I was anorexic. Can you believe that?? I've always been below weight, no matter how much I ate and of what.

But, guess what? I am now at 116. Woot! Four more pounds to my goal, and then I will be happy. There is two downsides to that accomplishment, however. One, there's a good chance that if I don't start actually exercising, the weight gain won't stop. Two, the last month or two I've been finding clothes here and there that won't fit anymore.

So, last night, I went through every article of clothing in my closet and tried it all on. I ended up with two totes of stuff for the Salvation Army. I don't mind getting rid of stuff that I wasn't wearing to help those who don't have as much as I do, but almost ALL of my favorite stuff went into that pile. My black goth halter from Hot Topic, (I couldn't even get the thing zipped half way. The last time I wore it, I had to have help to get into it.), my favorite ripped blue jeans, and my slinky "vampiric" skirt that my ex bought me from an expensive store in the mall. I also had to get rid of all my short skirts except one. The "school girl" skirt I had, I couldn't even get past my hips, let alone zip it and wear in public. On second thought, that one's okay, because my ex loved that one and he just seemed to have an alarmingly increasing liking of young characteristics. And it wasn't designed for that sort of thing, it was decent.

So, enough mourning over the clothes I cannot wear anymore, I still have plenty to wear, and now the salvation army will have some more things to hand out. That's always the best part, knowing I am helping others. That's a total of TEN totes from my closet in the last month or so. That's crazy the amount of clothing that I had.

So, dear readers, enough about me, (I'm sure this is a book by now!). What are your thoughts on healthy eating? Do you have any favorite recipes or favorite food websites you would like to share?

Also, do you have any suggestions how to keep us all motivated to lose the weight and get healthy?

Isn't it great?

2008-12-27T18:59:00.001-06:00

A WHOLE glorious weekend off, where I don't have to change out of my PJ's or step out of the house. *knock on wood! Three times at least..)

That is all. I have nothing really new to share, just wanted to mention my happiness of not having to leave the house.

Woot!

Sleeping rather soon...

2008-12-25T00:07:00.005-06:00

It is Christmas Eve...scratch that...it is now Christmas Day. I am going to crash quite soon, but I thought I would do some writing first.

*If one more pop-ad comes up while I am typing.. I think I will scream..*

Lately, it seems like days are dragging by and speeding by at the same exact time. Have you ever had that sensation, dear reader? Time is just rushing by way too quickly for my taste..but while I am going through my day, it seems to drag by.. odd, and VERY hard to describe~

Tonight, at 6:00, the dungeon was officially closed for the only day out of the year that it does so. WOOT! My schedule for the next week totally rocks, I must say. I have tomorrow off, (of course,) work Friday.. and then I have the weekend off. I work Monday-Wednesday, and then have Thursday off. Rock on!

I am so sleepy.. I should crash into my four poster comfy bed behind me very soon.

I did hear from Josh a few days ago, FINALLY! I've been trying to call him and text him for a few weeks.. and I finally got a few (rather disturbing) texts from him. But, at least I know he's alive and able to respond if I bug him enough. I really hope I get to see him on his visit home. We have had our reunion evening planned out for months!! (For you readers that don't know.. Josh is my best friend of over 18 years, and he has served several years in Iraq. He's an awesome guy, and keeps my faith in the opposite sex sometimes lol.

I am getting sleepier with every keystroke, so I think I will sign off for the night..

Peace.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night!

2008-12-24T23:03:00.001-06:00

What a long, long day it has been.. I hope to get in a nice, relaxing shower.. and perhaps blog about something.. but I don't know yet..

I do want to wish all of my lovely readers a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! May you get all that you want, and lots of pretty, shiny things (if you are a woman like me! :P)

Again..

2008-12-23T23:44:00.005-06:00

I must vent my frustrations out about my computer.

I apologize.

But.. my computer might be an untimely end by being attacked by a manicure tool. Or by sudden impact on the icy interstate just a few houses from where I now sit, fighting with the stupid thing to do the simplest tasks such as checking my e-mail, blogging, or checking on MaryKay orders..

*Insert frustrated, going insane scream here*

There. Isn't this the part where I am supposed to feel a bit better?

It didn't work.

Any other ideas, dear reader? What would be some creative ways to take out my frustrations out against this computer, which is clearly the spawn of evil?

Happy X-mas!

2008-12-23T23:15:00.007-06:00

One of the times of the year is upon us in the blogosphere when many bloggers come to together to write about the same thing: the holiday season.

This is my contribution to this year's Christmas 'vault'. I think the message within the song is still relevant to today's situation, and we should reflect on what we as individuals, and as a nation want to accomplish in the new year starting now. I mean, how are we supposed to be happy with how things are if we don't know what it is we want exactly, let alone getting it?

Happy X-Mas, my dear readers!

Rock It!

2008-12-22T22:30:00.006-06:00

I absolutely MUST share with you my newest music addiction, dear readers!

In recent months, I have become a 'Drake & Josh' television addict. I absolutely LOVE that show, it has moved it's way to the top two of my favorite shows. (Only topped by M*A*S*H, of course. Actually..more like they are tied for the number one spot,but...anywhoodle.)

Yes, Yes.. I am fully aware that I am watching a Nickelodeon show, rated Y7, and I am 24 years old. But have you ever SEEN that show?? It's more hilarious than many, many of the adult sitcoms that I've seen. The humor is great, and it isn't filled with countless adult references, violence and all that stuff that laces things meant for adults to enjoy. It's refreshing. So there. I challenge you to catch an episode, (or twelve.)

Onward.

Drake Bell is on that show, and he does a lot of singing/song writing/guitar playing on the show. And he's good.

And he is my newest music addiction. If I was a pre-teen girl, and the show had just come out, I admit I would have the biggest crush on him and I'm pretty sure my walls be plastered with posters and pictures from TeenBop magazine.(Do they still even make that thing??) Alas, my era was Hanson and Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears and Christina Aquilira. (People's debuts that today's teens would not even remember!)But no, I have a perfectly nice, innocent adult liking of his music.

Check it out. I included a link to a few of his songs on playlist.com for your listening pleasure. My favorite Drake Bell song thus far is track 5, Golden Days... let me know what you think!

Random Letters

2008-12-20T23:30:00.005-06:00

Dear Ex-boyfriend,
I just wanted to take this opportunity to tell you a few brief things. First of all, thank you for showing me your true colors. Second, no matter how you said you wanted to give me everything, I must say that money is NOT everything and neither are material goods. I didn't get what I ultimately wanted, which was you. Which brings me to the final point: Unfortunately, love does NOT conquer all.

Sincerely,
A hurt but head-strong ex

Dear Josh,(best friend of 18 years),
Thank you for showing me time and time again what a true friend is all about. I don't know what I would have done without you growing up, and I don't know what I would do without you in my life now. You are the best! (Now, call me or else! I am worried since I haven't heard from you in two weeks!)

Love,
Your biggest fan

Dear STUPID doorbell commercials,
I don't know if you know this, but your commercials make my household edgy every time you play them. With every holiday commercial that starts with a loud DING DONG, my little doggy goes berserk and runs around in frantic circles. It takes the next five minutes to calm her down, after I stop what I am doing and let her look out the window to re-assure her yet again that there is no one there. I am sure you got a laugh out of designing those stupid thirty seconds of havoc wrecking good cheer, but I haven't yet. AND I have yet to find out what you are attempting to sell, so I don't know who to blame for the travesty!

Love,
A very aggravated non-consumer

Dear High School Art Teacher,
I am sure you don't remember me, but I wanted to thank you for believing in me and my artistic abilities during the four years that I tried to take and re-take every art class that you taught. And for spending countless hours during study hall and after school helping me get my projects 'just right'. You helped me foster my love of art ever since.
Love,
A fond student that you probably don't remember

Dear entire male species,
I must say, although I believe in gender equality and all that jazz, you can keep certain areas of life. Say for instance, snow shoveling. I am more than happy to continue being the cocoa girl than pushing around that yucky, freezing cold snow any day. Or anything having to do with dirt for that matter, (unless it's a garden). And on the other hand, I will gladly cook something for you if you are tired or need pampering.
Shiverly,
A freezing female counterpart

It's all about the Twitter..

2008-12-20T14:59:00.002-06:00

I took a short break from cleaning/organizing and checked my mail/blog. And ended up at twitter.com. For those readers who don't know anything about it, it's a site you can keep a real-time status going about what you are doing or thinking. I am going to give a shot, and invite all my readers to come find me there. To make your search short and sweet, I included my link below:

http://twitter.com/kirkwood_chic

...Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming and my cleaning/purging of unneeded items!!

Six things..

2008-12-19T01:58:00.005-06:00

It's two o'clock in the morning, and I should have been asleep HOURS ago.. instead, I find myself motivated to blog. That hasn't happened much lately, however, I got 'tagged' by Cyndi for a blog topic titled, 'Six things that make me happy'.

So, here we go..in no particular order!

1.) Music

2.) Family

3.) My puppy

4.) Curling up under a warm blanket with a hot cocoa on a cold winter's night in front of the fireplace

5.) Helping others

6.) Shopping

And there you have it. Six things that make me happy. Notice the lack of technology on the list..my stupid computer is being a pain in the butt, and it took me over an hour to write this very short entry due to the fact it's all slow and goofed up.. I am now signing off before I throw it out the window or teach it a lesson with a hammer!!

Good night all..

My dear readers, you were right...mobile blog

2008-12-18T11:08:00.000-06:00

Yes, I admit it.

My loyal readers were absolutely on the ball, and I didn't fully believe you.

About what you ask? Well, a few entries ago, I had the urge to call Jeff, but didn't know if he'd want to talk to me. I didn't call, but i did text and..nothing.

Ah, well, his loss don't you think?

Is Yours Fulfilling?

2008-12-09T08:00:00.002-06:00

Everywhere you look, people seem to have vastly different ideas what it means to have a 'rich' and 'fulfilled' life. From large houses and SUV's to having the latest gadgets. For many decades now, American's, (at least,) have been running the impossible race of keeping up with the Jones'.

And for what? Do large houses and fancy TV recorders really make you happier than if you didn't have those things? If they do, than more power to you. But if not, what are you really living for?

Or dying for? I've been thinking about that poor man in New York that got trampled at a Wal*Mart on Black Friday last week. He lost his life so that people could be the first to grab the best deals on cheap plastic crap.

Seriously. What are we doing to ourselves as a nation? We wonder why children are increasingly screaming, 'Gimme Gimme Gimme! I want THAT!' and then having temper tantrums when the parents tell them no. Many people have the same exact mind processes, and the children are just mimicking what they see and hear.

I think a happy and full life does not have to be a materialistic one. I don't care about having oodles of money and tons of electronic gizmo's cluttering my house. I don't need fancy bling and a shiny car.

I want the basics. Love and happiness. Peace and Harmony. I want someone that will hold me through good times and bad, and tell me that it's all going to be alright. I want a happy marriage and a little rugrat or two someday. I want my MaryKay business to be successful and help others feel better about themselves. I want my family to be healthy and happy, and my friends to have the lives that they want.

I am beginning to get on the right track to get these things. I am slowly disentangling myself from the retail dungeon that I have been slaving for the past six years, and becoming my own boss~slowly and tentatively, but it's going to happen.

As I think about these things, I can see that as much as Jeff still means to me, it's amazing that we lasted as long as we did. Money and the wanting of more and more on his part is what was at the root of the problems he had~even if he didn't/doesn't realize it. He kept telling me that he wanted to make me happy and give me all that I wanted. However, he failed to ask me or believe me when I told him what I thought about money and what made me happy in regards to it.

The truth is: I could care less about money, as long as I have enough to survive, I am happy.

What about you, dear readers?

What would make you happiest in life?

What do you like best about your life?

What do you want to change or are changing about things?

Saved by the proverbial bell

2008-12-09T01:08:00.007-06:00

I almost called him this morning.

Yes, Jeff's number is still in my phone. I got as far as opening my contact list window, and before I could go any further, I was interrupted by traffic pulling out in front of me~saved by a Ford pickup instead of the proverbial bell?

I know he said he wasn't going to talk to me again if I didn't answer his ultimatum in the time limit that I didn't meet. But I wanted to hear his voice.

Not a good idea I know, believe me.

I wonder if he has had the same urge to call me that he has suppressed?

Technology is Annoying Sometimes, I Swear! mobile blog

2008-12-08T20:11:00.000-06:00

I think my computer files are screwed. I went to turn on my computer this morning, and it started just fine and dandy. However, after it booted up, all my desktop files were invisible, my start bar was gone,(not hiding,) and I had a hard time getting my browser open. GRRR.. So, I think I may have to quick restore it tonight-or whatever they call it today. And all of my music, photos, and documents will be gone. Anyone have any ideas for me, so I might be able to keep all of the stuff i have on there?

R.I.P. John

2008-12-08T00:00:00.002-06:00

It says it all. I've been a John Lennon/Beatles fan ever since I was a toddler, and wanted to make my own (rather small) tribute to the legendary man, as I do every year.

Twenty-eight years later, and he still has legions of fans around the world. Amazing.

I am so tired..mobile blog

2008-12-04T22:24:00.004-06:00

..of my OCD. And I only have what? Seventy, eighty years left to deal with it? Sometimes I think I am crazy, but I think we all do at one time or another.

I always have to check things that potentially conduct heat, at least three times....(as one example, there are many more things I must do three times before I can leave the house with any peace of mind. And it seems to be getting worse as time goes on.)

Class is starting now.. must go.

Does anyone else have anything else AT ALL like this, that they experience?

Deadbeat Fathers

2008-12-02T09:56:00.005-06:00

Every time I see my father, I am reminded of this blog entry that I wrote awhile back. And, although it's a year and half old, it still applies to everything I feel towards my father today.
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First written:

Saturday, March 31, 2007

I just rewatched an episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Aire that hits very close to home. Before you groan about the show, which I love, this is a very serious episode that makes me actually start to cry, especially with the ending scene. Before going any further, here's the episode recap:

Originally aired: Monday May 9, 1994 on NBC

Will's natural father shows up out of the blue. While Will is thrilled Phillip and Viv are suspicious. Spending a few fun days with his father, Will can't see him for what he really is and begins to believe in him again. After having a few fun times with Will his father has to hit the road again and promises h e will be back for Will to go with him. When he leaves without Will, Will realizes that his uncle Phil is the real man in his life.

The script from the final scene that I found thankfully on Google that really makes it hit home because it is EXACTLY how I feel and describes my relationship with my own absent father, down the the number of years he was completely out of contact:

Will: Hey, you no what, you ain't got to do nothing, uncle Phil. You know, ain't like I'm still five years old, you know? Ain't like I'm be sitting every night asking my mom "when's daddy coming home," you know? Who needs 'em? Hey, he wasn't there to teach me how to shoot my first basket, but I learned it, didn't I? And I got pretty damn g ood at it too, didn't I, uncle Phil?
Phil: Yeah, you did.
Will: Got to do my first date without 'em, right? I learned how to ride, I learned how to shave, I learned how to fight without 'em. I had fourteen great birthdays without him; he never even sent me a damn card. THE HELL WITH HIM!! (pause) I didn't need 'em then I won't need 'em now.
Phil: Will,...
Will: No, you know what, uncle Phil? I'm get through college without him, I'm get a great job without him, I'm marry me a beautiful honey and I'm having a whole bunch of kids. I'm be a better father than he ever was. And I sure as hell don't need him for that, 'cause it ain't a DAMN THING HE CAN EVER TEACH ME ABOUT HOW LOVE MY KIDS! (long pause) How come he don't want me, man?

My father was, and is, a complete loser for me. I managed to have him off and on the first few years of my life, when he dropped off the planet it seemed. Fourteen years later, and two or three secretly mailed letters from myself to him during middle school, I got a letter from him saying 'time flies huh ? I always MEANT TO call or write, but didn't have the chance.' Turns out that the same time I lost my father's attention and love, he remarried and two other little girls got the love from my father that was MINE. His wife (now ex) found my letters hidden in his drawer while doing some spur of the moment spring cleaning and told him he needed to contact me. That was six years ago, and our relationship has been sporadic at best. Last time I talked to him, I thought I would call him to tell him I was in a minor accident, and he didn't even ask if I was okay. All he said was 'well you learned a lesson didn't you'?

Yeah, I learned a lesson alright. I don't have my father's love, never have, and never will. My mom's ex fiancee was more of a father to me then my own ever was. My childhood best friend's father was more of a father to me, and my neighbor's father was.

But why am I denied my own father's love???

A moment of wonderful closure..

2008-12-01T23:43:00.006-06:00

..what could be more appropriate for me, then to obtain closure on my past relationship through music?

It comes in the shape of Taylor Swift's, "Picture to Burn" song/video. I am actually fighting a losing battle of exhaustion as I type this, but I thought it was an important breakthrough for me to announce that the latest romantic chapter of my life has officially ended, and I have made a pact with myself not to think about those 2.5 years with him or him in general any more and to move on to new people and/or new experiences.

To celebrate, dear readers, here it is. The one, the only, Taylor Swift and her music video for "Picture to Burn". I love this song, (and singing along with it when no one is around!)

I'm back...I think..

2008-11-27T09:43:00.005-06:00

..but don't hold me to it.

I know, I know, it's been AGES since I have blogged last. I've been thinking about it, but I never quite get as far as opening my blogging window and writing something.

Two weeks since Jeff gave his ultimatum and I failed it (in his eyes.) But..I figure, self centered as it may be, that it is his loss. Don't get me wrong..I miss him and love him.. but I have to look out for my own wants and desires since, apparently, no one else will.

Josh is back in the states! That is cause for excitement. For you readers who don't know, Josh is my best friend of 18 years and was on his fifth tour of Iraq. He is 'home' for probably another month or so. I haven't gotten to see him yet, he hasn't made it to Iowa. He went back home to his family who now live in Illinois for a few days, then had to go back to North Carolina for the rest of the checkout process. And then he's coming to Iowa to see me. Woohoo!! We already have the plans all set, he's going to stay at a motel in Cedar Rapids, and getting me a room as well. We are going to go out to eat, and then sit up ALL night, (until we can't stay awake,) talking. (Yes, just talking.. we are best friends, not dating. We are not interested in dating, we don't want to wreck the friendship we have.)

Let's see, what else is there...? On the school front, I got my term paper back in Psychology. I got a rockin' 95/100, an A! Not bad for writing it from start to finish in three days! That was ten pages, citations and the whole works.

I can't wait for school to be done so that I can concentrate more fully on my MaryKay business. I can totally rock that, I know! I have two people interested in hosting classes, just have to wait until my sales director is back in town next week. (If any of my local readers know of anyone that wants to try the products, or just host a class, please email me at seana.pierce@marykay.com. Those who host a class will receive a free gift!)

I have most of the Christmas decorations up here already. My inside tree and my outside tree, my lawn decorations, my pretty inside decorations and my Christmas town. I'm so busy, that I want to set them up early so I can actually enjoy them.

Speaking of enjoying things, I best go take my shower and go enjoy my family's company for the day. It's rare (usually) to have us in the same room, doing the same thing, so I want to grab as much of that time as possible!

Happy Thanksgiving all!

It's done with (again)

2008-11-14T08:00:00.000-06:00

It's over, again. The off-on-off relationship I had with Jeff.

The first two years..was perfect, wonderful.

The first half of the third year..was okay. Long distance and hard, but we made it work..

The second half of the third year? That's when things went sour. Long distance doesn't work. He wanted me to move to Nebraska and into his mother's basement.

Without my family, friends, pets, etc. in another state. Uprooting myself for his mistakes. (Sound familiar to those readers who know about psycho preacher wanna-be?)

No. He refused to contemplate the same proposal that he gave me (just reversal of roles of who moved into the other's house. (and my name is ON this one..)

So, dear reader, you know all about the above from my blogs, (and more so if you are my best friends by the name of Joshua and Kimmy.)

Now, for the bitter update. ('Cause I need it out to continue forward.)

Last month he came into town to visit, which was blogged about. It was nice. More than nice, it was wonderful.

Then, he went back home. And started asking me about us, and what was my decision on us. There was no formal, "Let's try this again", or "Let's give us a shot again.". It was implied, yes.

Then, it boiled down to this past week.

He gave me an ultimatum about my decision about our relationship (though, I don't know why.. we're broken up and we know the long distance thing doesn't work).

He said I had to give him an answer by midnight last Tuesday night, and I wasn't done thinking about things, and quite honestly not sure why I had too. So, I sent him this shortly before midnight:

"1.) I can't believe you were actually serious about that stupid ultimatum. I think it's ridiculous to give anyone a time limit on something that big.. 2.)and I won't have an answer by the sound of your buzzer, so I guess the last thing I will say is that I love you." ('Cause I do, I love him deeply.)

I then signed off and went to bed, because I didn't really want to get into it ON MESSENGER and in the middle of the night.

What I received in an offline message on Wednesday morning was this: "Congratulations for once again showing me that you won't make any effort or concession for this relationship no matter how small. Have a nice fuckin' life without me."

So, I think I am done with the male species. I got to thinking about my relationship history, and I have only been the 'dumpee' once, and I've dated 8 separate guys. What does that say to you, dear reader, about my girl-friend attributes and dating participation?

I think it means that I suck at dating and being with someone. And not in a good way.

My Life Wishlist..

2008-11-04T22:22:00.007-06:00

First, and foremost..

Go Barack! Rock ON!

Okay.. now back to what I was going to say..

Today I had a meeting with my Sales Director for MaryKay and she asked me a few times in the meeting (in different ways) what I wanted from myself and my life. Yes, I have been asked this before..many millions of times..but today I started to really think about it. And I am tired of suppressing what I desire, want, and need without at least discussing it first with those that matter to me and in the goals that I want to establish for my life.

I want this:

Yes, I want a wedding. Not only a beautiful wedding..but a happy marriage. A wedding lasts only one day (or week if you have a honeymoon). But a happy marriage can last a lifetime.

I was engaged once. Almost married a total and complete loser. He wouldn't even let me chose the colors for our wedding. I wanted red and white and silver accents. He said red was NOT a wedding color, and besides it's a whore color. (Excuse me???) And then he said how about yellow, the RIBBON is on sale.. (true story!) And my wedding dress? I had to buy it from a second hand consignment shop, because he said, 'why spend a lot on a dress you'll only wear once?'. Admittedly, it was pretty with puffed sleeves and a princess skirt and lots of shiny beads...but A SECOND HAND wedding dress??? As a matter of fact, here it was, so you can get a visual:

I'll probably blog more about that particular loony individual sometime in the future, enough about him for the moment!

ANYWHO...

Which brings me to this, I want:

No, not a pretty picture of a heart. I want love. Unconditional, all-consuming LOVE. Is that too hard to ask for?

So, so far I've covered that I want a pretty wedding, a happy marriage, and love... Might all seem the same, but really three different things...

I desire to have at least one child. I don't want to be so old that I can't enjoy them and do everything that I want with them. I know other's children annoy me, but I still want to experience motherhood and raising a little munchkin of my own.

I am currently driving a 2000 Ford Focus, and I hope desperately to have it paid off by the end of winter and be driving something else..maybe like this:

My car is running on it's last legs (wheels?) and won't last much longer, I am afraid.

So, dear reader, I included lots of pretty pictures for you to look at tonight..tell me..what is it that YOU want out of life?

A thing for the ladies..

2008-11-02T23:54:00.002-06:00

"I`m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe

I am very much considering making this particular quote my signature from now on. It is what it is, and what you may make of it.

I'm tired of having to conform what others want and demand from me. I am who I am, and if you can't handle every aspect of me, then you need to admit it and either open up your expectations or drop them altogether.

I cannot be the only one in the world that feels like this. Am I?

What a nasty business it is..

2008-11-02T08:00:00.000-06:00

I know there is one major topic buzzing in America right now, with less than one month left until it's conclusion. I usually try to write about everything and anything that I think of, and that I have an opinion about. This one I have remained mumm about, however.

It's a nasty word, and a nasty business.

Politics.

Dear reader, unless hell freezes over, or pigs start flying with red capes, you won't find another entry concerning it in my blogs besides this brief one.

Barack Vs. McCain.

McCain Vs. Barack.

Round and round it goes, I am sure you have experienced this lately: In your work's break room, at school, at home. With friends, family, or neighbors.. if you prefer one and someone else prefers another, it turns into an offensive craziness rather soon into the debate.

Calm, rational discussion evades most minds rather quickly with the subject of the election or politics in general. People are set on who they will vote for, and will throw statement after statement at you, not giving you much time to think and formulate rapid-fire responses.

This is where I have an issue. I could (could, not will) tell you who I will vote for on November 4th, but in real-time conversation, I cannot remember facts, dates, and reasons why exactly. My mind is not built for that sort of thing, and additionally, I am the worst debater in history. I freeze up.

Don't get me wrong. I know the EXACT reasons I am voting for who I am voting for, when I am reading articles and interviews concerning the candidates and can run my brain through my mental files of facts. But pit me against someone else, and those facts and statistics just fly out of my head.

Just a warning, dear reader, if you are reading this and get the bright idea to ask me who I am voting for, don't be surprised if the topic of conversation changes to something else, say perhaps, my love of the RevoStyler brush, or the annoyances of the Ford brand, or pigs flying with red capes.

Re-fried Brains..

2008-11-02T01:16:00.003-05:00

I haven't blogged for a bit of time.. but not much new to blog about really.

I am in the middle of writing a major term paper for my psychology class, that's the biggest thing going on for me right now.. My brain is fried from all the writing I've been doing on that, and I cannot seem to form more than one or two coherent sentences here at the moment.

Here's your chance, dear reader..what's going on with you?

Happy Halloween!!!

2008-11-01T02:47:00.003-05:00

What does it tell you when I couldn't even get in the mood for my favorite holiday of the year?

Anyway, I tried finding a good link to my favorite music video of all-time, Michael Jackson's Thriller. I watch that every year on Halloween, and have since I was two years old! (seriously! That's a long tradition to have, don't you think?)

I have it on VHS, but that doesn't help my readers out to watch it with me, does it?

So, instead, I have included Michael Jackson's 'Ghost' video. Lots of great costumes, and a great plot as well. Not to mention awesome dance moves!

Enjoy! (and Happy Halloween! Bahahahahahaha!)

So...yeah... the theme song of my life

2008-10-25T23:00:00.003-05:00

Lyrics Hanson - �strong enough to break lyrics

Strong Enough To Break (LP Version) - Hanson

What a weekend!

2008-10-23T00:23:00.003-05:00

My constant readers should know by now that music is essential to me, and I use it to illustrate a specific point or describe something that is going on with me, whether it is mentally, emotionally or else wise.

Tonight is no different. (I apologize if you were hoping for a change, save those hopes for election day, and just roll with me here! :P)

I think this past weekend could be summed up with a particular song, and that would be Toby Keith's 'You Shouldn't Kiss Me Like This'.

(I tried finding a link for the music video on You Tube, but all of them were disabled.. grrr)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway, yes. It was a weekend I will be thinking about for quite awhile to come.

My Friday was like every other Friday I have. I worked, came home, took a long, hot, relaxing, candlelight shower. I curled up in bed, exhausted shortly before nine and fell asleep. I woke up to a knock at my door. It was someone I hadn't seen in FAR to long.

Jeff was standing at my doorstep. I was half-asleep, so I didn't give him all the kisses that he deserved, but I sure tried. It was so good to see him again.

(Good lord, let me tell you. It's freaking distracting to see Kimmy's steamy messages about her beau popping up on the corner of my screen while I am trying to type this! But, at least she's fulfilled.. I know she's going to kill me for this interruption of my own blog!!! Love ya hun!!)

ANYWAY.

He didn't stay for long on Friday night, I had to get up super-duper early, and work from 7-4. I was going to go over to see him and K & M after I came home, took a shower, and got ready.. but after I got off from work I ended up taking my brother to the emergency room, and we didn't get out of there until about 6:30 or so. Then, I rushed home, hopped in and out of the shower.. and went over there.

We went downstairs and had some rather..heated..discussion about what we were going to go eat and do for the evening, and then headed out to Burger King. I haven't ate out in FOREVER it seems, I had a whopper, fries, Diet Coke, and a YUMMY piece of pie. Jeff had already eaten with K&M, so he just got a soda.

Then we headed back and watched V for Vendetta, and curled up tight. It was a wonderful evening, even with it's late start.

I had to work 10-7 on Sunday, blech.. checked most of the time. I hate checking, and I hate the fact that they are yanking me up there every freakin' chance that they get. (But I try to remind myself that it's a piece of cake compared to what Joshua and the other troops have to face each and every day overseas.)

I also try to remind myself that I am working to get myself out of there, and permanently. Speaking of which, I ordered my business cards for my MaryKay business, did I mention that before? I can't wait for them to arrive. I had another meeting with Lynn last night, and we went over a few aspects of running the business part of things, and I feel really good and excited about it!

Speaking of feeling good, after work on Sunday, I got to see Jeff again. I ate dinner over there, and then we decided to go see Quarantine. We had been wanting to see that, and the last showing was at ten o'clock, so we made it in time.

(I'll write another entry about THAT particular movie.. it was...horrific.....)

We fit in a lot more intimacy after we arrived back there, and watched Constantine. THAT was a good movie, I hadn't seen it before.

And we kissed.

And cuddled.

And kissed some more.

That's ALL the details about that particular aspect of the weekend that you are getting, dear reader. The rest are for us to know, and you...well, not to know.

Anyway.

He had to go back on Monday, and I threatened to kidnap him and keep him in the trunk of my car.. for some reason, he didn't think that was feasible. I don't understand, why? I would've fed him, and made air holes for him, and everything! Jeez..some people, I tell you!!

He is a wonderful, sweet, loving and caring man.. and proved that once again before he left town on Monday. I wasn't expecting to see him before he went back. Hoping, yes..expecting, no.

But, I was working in the back with my bins and stuff, when JoAnn came back and told me I had a visitor. It was Jeff coming to tell me good-bye before he left. (I snuck in a kiss before he left.. ooohhh!)

Low budget sometimes DOES equal goodness!

2008-10-21T23:57:00.003-05:00

I was going to catch up my lovely readers with the wonderful, but rather way too short weekend I had...but just as I was sitting down to write this breathtaking and mesmerizing blog, I was sent a link.

For a video.

A freakin' forty-five minute video.

Now, I am free with the knowledge that I do NOT have the attention span to sit ANYWHERE for the length of a half-hour sitcom show, (with commercials,) let alone anything longer. But since it was Jeff that asked..(told).. me too.. I undertook the task at hand, and made myself sit, staring at the oddly 3-D (but really 2-D) monitor of my p.o.s. computer, for the entirety of the time.

And I did.

And I liked it.

And I even had a lollipop :) (Come on, we are all adults here, but who doesn't like to suck (A LOLLIPOP!!) every once in awhile?) I forgot how much I like them. Which reminds me, dear reader.. don't forget to tell me to tell you (say that three times fast!) about the weirdo guy that was staring at me from the third floor window of the old Cyber-Cafe while I was studying.

Weirdo.

Anywhoo.

Before I got so rudely interrupted by myself, I was trying to get around to telling you what the video was that distracted me from my wonderfully dull blog and my wonderfully interesting readers.

It's called Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. Have you heard about this thing?

Neither had I. Apparently it was made during the writer's strike, and made very low-budget. The main character is actually Neil Patrick Harris, who was Doogie Howser, M.D. (Remember that old show??)

My review? Not too shabby. Much better than some of the high-tech, high cost films that we now have to pay 17.00 dollars for a pair of tickets to see.

That reminds me, dear reader. Remind me to tell you about 'Quarantine'. I'd give it a pass if you were at ALL squeamish at Horror movies, and even if you love movies such as ''The Devil's Rejects'' and 'Halloween'.

The link? Oh yeah, you must have that! Don't forget a bag of pop-corn and a tall drink! Let me know what you think of it, if you actually watch it all the way through! (Even if you don't, leave something to read anyway!)

Bouncing all around the place...

2008-10-16T22:52:00.003-05:00

Quite a week, it has been.

Long, but boring for the most part. However, the fun is just starting.. I hope.

*ponders* Where to start, where to start?

Yes, I know the beginning is always a great place to start.. but my mind jumps around anyway, so why not start somewhere..say in the middle?

Not that there is much to tell anyway, but the middle is an awesome place to start.... (ummm...lost track of my thought there.. thanks Kimmy for your IM window distracting me! Tsk Tsk!)

Last Thursday, I had a Mary-Kay facial care consultation with a lady that also works at the Dungeon with me. I ended up splurging on some nice makeup for myself, and a lip care kit. Then.. I had an idea plague my thoughts all weekend. What if I started selling Mary-Kay myself? I could build up my own business like I've always wanted, and eventually have a way to support myself without having to work at the dungeon.

I thought about it, and thought about it. (For those that I've told about this new endeavor and who weren't too thrilled nor happy sounding for me, move on a few paragraphs so I don't hear your groaning!! It's a chance for me to do something that I really like and too help people buy what makes them look and feel better. So...shush!)

Resuming....And on Tuesday, I submitted my contract and placed my order for my initial Mary-Kay Sales Kit. How freakin' exciting is that??

Lynn, my sponsor, told me it should arrive by the middle of next week.. won't she be surprised when I email her and tell her it's HERE already?? WOOHOO!!! My business cards/kit should be arriving in the next week or two.

So, that's good news :)

(The interstate is REALLY loud tonight.. jeepers! It sounds like they are moving the road to go right through my bedroom or something..)

Onto other good news: Jeff is arriving in town tomorrow evening for a weekend visit with Kirk and Marsha. I'll get to see him a few times, so that's good news..I think.

Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to see him. And kiss him. (Because, that is inevitable, to be honest with you, dear reader.)

I know where that will leave me on Tuesday. Lost even more than I am now. But still totally worth it, in my opinion.

So, he will be here from tomorrow night to either Monday or Tuesday.

Yes. I am still madly in love with him, just in case you were wondering..

Anywho.

I must admit, I was a bit of a bad girl on Tuesday..not in that way! I played hooky from classes. I know, I know.. shame on me. But I needed a day to myself. Besides, my psychology class was canceled, and we were just going to work independently in my accounting class anyway, so I didn't need to be there. I could study accounting here in the comfort of my home, and not have to change out of my pajamas! (Which I didn't.)

Are you still awake and reading this, dear reader? I really wouldn't blame you if you lost interest tonight.. not when I did the same exact thing a few times in writing! Leave me some love, and then class is done for the day :)

Sound bits of advice?

2008-10-16T22:33:00.003-05:00

Thanks to HallMark, we have access to greeting cards for every occasion...whether it is breaking up or making up, new births or saddening death, or just because.

There is also sayings for everything you could ever possibly want a saying for. From Bible quotation for you religious folk, to adult comedy and every thing that falls in between.

There's the ever popular, "The best way to get over one guy is too get under another."

Is it just me, or is soooo many females saying that now-a-days? I was involved in a break-up with my boyfriend last summer, and I was told this this nugget of wisdom countless times. Is that really the norm for women today?

Don't worry, I dismissed the idea. Perhaps it was contemplated...a few times.. but I ended up dismissing it on grounds of morals and all that good-girl stuff.

Another saying that I have had bouncing around my head for awhile is, "Never make a man a priority when he considers you an option."

I'm trying to decide if it applies to me in any way or not. Why else would it keep bouncing around like a mad person in a rubber room if it didn't? (**echoes of Larry the Cable Guy, "Lord I apologize for that one right there..."**)

What do you think, Dear Reader? Is either one of these quotes a sound bit of advice?

All You Need Is Love in a Revolution..

2008-10-11T01:11:00.004-05:00

Yes, I could be considered a music hippie out of my time, but I have always loved The Beatles. John Lennon, of course, being my favorite.

I can remember the first time I ever heard them. I was four or five, and my best friend Amber had one of those plastic children's record players. Her parents had bought her a record with 'Yellow Submarine', and they played it one evening when I was staying over.

That night a music love was born. I have listened to their music on a regular basis and snag up records whenever I can, (and any other memorabilia pertaining to them that I can afford. Unfortunately, that's not much.)

I will forever be a Beatles fan. The video at the top of this entry is an original performance of The Beatles, 'Revolution'. I didn't realize just how many takes of the same performance there are. The first one I found was the best, but the embedding was disabled, so after another fifteen minutes of searching I bring you this copy.

One of my all-time favorite Beatles songs....Enjoy!

(As a closing thought, I have included another Beatles video, for those who don't like the tones and thoughts of 'Revolution'.) This performance is 'All You Need Is Love', and if people actually thought about the sentiments in this song, perhaps it would be all that we needed.

Long and Mindnumbing..

2008-10-10T18:55:00.003-05:00

I know, I know.. it's been a few days since I've blogged anything 'real-life'. Don't hurt me! Wait.. um.. do..no.. NEVER MIND! That's a whole another topic!

*steers the conversation in a 180*

It's definately been a long, mind numbing week. Where to start, where to start?

Let's see. After I wrote my blog entry, 'History of Relationships'
, I thought I would see what Myron was up to. That was, if I could find him on myspace. Because, amazingly enough, not everyone has myspace. (I know, utter craziness, right?)

I did find his profile, and sent a friend request. I waited a week, and then figured that he didn't want to talk or never used his myspace page. (In my mind, probably the former.) But, lo and behold, (ooooohhh, I've always liked that phrase and finally got to use it!), a few days ago I got the update that he accepted my friend request and so I sent him a quick message. We've been talking off and on, catching up. So, that's pretty cool. He lives in Doha Qatar. We may talk back and forth for awhile, which I don't think I would mind in the slightest. He might come back to the states this holiday season...

And onto other news.. Jeff is coming into town next weekend! I have no idea how this is going to go, and how things will turn out. He's staying with Kirk and Marsha, and we will see each other while he is here. I think that is good news, don't you?

Last night I had a Mary-Kay 'class' with a co-worker, and it may just be the push I need. I just wrote a quick blog about it here: A possible career change

This entry is no particular time order, I must confess. But it may make for interesting reading that way? (Or so I could hope.)

Tuesday night, I think it was, Jimmy and I hung out for a few hours and watched TV. We caught most of the 2nd Crow movie.. City of Something-of-other.. I LOVED it. I want the set of movies. I've never seen them before, but that will change as soon as I buy them.

Also, this week, I was acting department manager, because JoAnn was on vacation. I didn't get any mods done though, and the price changes were late when I finally got to them this morning, but I did what I could, being just myself and Karen.

Hm. I think that is all there is for this week.

OOOOOHHHH yeah, one more thing. (If you aren't asleep yet, from reading this, dear reader?). Let me give you a tip of the day. Washing machines and cell phones do NOT mix. Wednesday night, I was soooo tired. I figured that I would stay up and start my last load of laundry so it would all be done together. Two hours later, I looked around and asked myself... "Now where is my cell phone?" Then, it dawned on me.. and a string of expletives followed me to the laundry room, where I opened the washer and immediately saw my cell phone in the bottom of the drum. Good news is that I have cell phone insurance, so a new phone is on it's way. Bad news is that they didn't have any more of my model in red :(. But, I am getting a Sony model instead, which sounds better than a Samsung. So.. the lesson to learn is Don't wash your cell phone, it doesn't like water. (Just in case you might've forgotten that small fact...)

A possible career change..

2008-10-10T18:44:00.000-05:00

I've been in retail for over six years now, and I love helping people find what they want and performing my basic departmental manager duties. However, working for a large retail chain has began to drive me batty. I've been wishing for my own business, but know I don't have the money to start out a full new business right away.

I would love to branch out and do my own thing, selling things and helping people feel better about themselves.

Anyway, here's the deal: I was approached by a co-worker of mine about becoming a Mary-Kay Sales representative..I've been thinking about that particular thing for awhile anyway, and what I would love is your input on it. All I need is 125 dollars for the sales kit, and I can stock up on inventory as I go. (I can make back that much in what I'll be saving on their products.)

Do you think that I should step out and begin selling their products, with the goal of making that my career after I make enough regularly every month to tell my current job where they can go?

What is wrong with me?

2008-10-06T08:50:00.003-05:00

I haven't felt well/good at all the last few days (more than usual). I even left work two hours into my shift. (ME. I NEVER call in sick or leave early. It's that darn work ethic, getting in the way, I guess.)

Music doesn't even energize me or motivate me right now. Usually, to get going in the morning, all I have to manage to do is start my morning play list,(I yack about it here,) and I'm off.

Not this morning. I played it, and during all four songs, all I managed to do was get dressed. And just basic dressing of clothes, not my jewelry.

I thought I would try a different song that always gets me moving along, but no avail. I just sat here. (Carrie Underwood's 'Before He Cheats' if you are interested, dear reader.)

What the heck is the matter with me lately?? Even when I am sick, music gets me moving at least a little bit. I was going to try to be at work in four minutes, but that's not going to happen. Maybe I'll make it by nine thirty, I'll write to you more later, dear reader..

Countdown Challenge

2008-10-05T21:56:00.007-05:00

I have to thank Shauna, one of my favorite bloggers for this particular idea. Here is my personal countdowns, and items in each category are in NO particular order...

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People Right Now:

10. I never really wanted to date you, it was your brother. Dating you was the BIGGEST mistake of my life, you psycho freak.
9. I don't know if I could ever forgive you completely for not being there when I was growing up, and giving two other girls the daddy that I should have had.
8. Thank you for being there for me while we were younger. You were and are the best friend that I could ever ask for!
7. You talk way too DAMN MUCH!
6. I wish I could be as hot as you, and you have two gorgeous angels to boot!
5. Come to me, Come to me, Come to me!!!!!!!!!!
4. I want to kiss you. Badly. Right now. (Even though I can't, and I know that.)
3. Get up off your ass and do what you should be doing, you need to learn how to do things like a responsible adult!
2. Thank you for being there for me when my father abandoned us. I wouldn't be who I am today, without you.
1. Take this job and shove it!

Nine Things About Myself:
9. I HATE mornings, and can never get up on time. I hit my alarm for more than a hour every morning..
8. Driving anywhere terrifies me.
7. I have OCD. Never been diagnosed professionally, but I have to check everything three times before I can leave the house. Crazy, perhaps? Necessary, yes.
6. I love music. I can't live without it playing. I breathe it, it's a part of me. Music is my passion.
5. I can't sing worth a darn. However, if I could, I would quit my job, and sing professionally. I can memorize almost any song three times through it.
4. I can't look at a single animal without going, 'Awwww...' and wanting to take it home. I wish I could take in every stray that I hear about.
3. I love a clean house, but I hate cleaning.
2. The thought of fire taking over my house paralyzes me.
1. I have a really nice bumm..

Eight Ways To Win My Heart:
8. Play with my hair.
7. Think of me in small ways that really matter. (Like bringing me a flower, or calling me when I am not feeling well.)
6. Make me laugh.
5. Sing to me. Especially if you have a sexy voice.
4. Dance with me out of the blue.
3. Don't lie, cheat or steal. If you do, don't tell me.
2. Be romantic.
1. Did I mention, play with my hair?

Seven Things That Cross My Mind A Lot:
7. Did I leave the stove on?
6. What about my flat-iron, is that on?
5. Do I have to go to work again TODAY?
4. Why won't these balances equal out?!?!? *staring at my accounting spreadsheets*
3. Welcome to Wal-Mart, get your shit and get out! (Courtesy of Jeff Dunham and Walter!)
2. I cannot wait for Josh to be back home!!
1. Does fate always have to be so mean with love?

Six Things I Do Before I Fall Asleep:
6. Play Tetris
5. Take a long shower
4. Check my email
3. Drink a hot tea/cocoa
2. Surf the net
1. play with my puppy

Five People Who Mean A Lot:
5. My family (That's more than five :P)
4. Josh
3. Jeff
2. Kimmy
1. Cloudy (my puppy, but she counts anyway!)

Four Things I'm Wearing:
4. Black leather Jacket
3. Cream Color sweater
2. Blue Jeans
1. Red bra/panties

Three Songs I Listen To Often or 3 Bands/Artists:
3. Kid Rock, (Too Hot, All Summer Long, Cowboy..)
2. Trace Adkins, (Honkytonkbadonkadonk, Ladies Love Country Boys, Game On)
1. Toby Keith, (Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue, Should've Been A Cowboy)

Two Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
2. Have children and have the opportunity to raise them.
1. Travel.

One Confession:
1. This wasn't near as hard as I thought it would be!

Again, thank you Shauna!! This was very enlightening, and I got to get a few things out of my head as a bonus! If any of my dear readers do this particular challenge, please leave me the link so I can check it out!

Strong Enough To Break

2008-10-05T02:35:00.003-05:00

"Strong Enough To Break"

I don't feel myself today
Just a figure in a big monopoly game
Struggle is the price you pay
You get just enough just to give it away
I'm sinking but I'm floating away
Throw me a line so I can anchor my pain
The fabric is about to fray
The fabric is about to fray

Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately
Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately
Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately

Things keep coming and I keep wondering
I start feeling the walls close in
Things keep coming and I keep stumbling
I start feeling I'm strong enough to break
Oh, I start feeling I'm strong enough to break

Been running through my mind today
Scenarios to add to your hypocrisy
No one ever takes the blame
But everyone is searching for a cure to the pain
Nothing ever seems to change
Oh, nothing ever seems to change
We just play like broken records in a deaf man's charade

Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately
Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately
Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately

Things keep coming and I keep wondering
I start feeling the walls close in
Things keep coming and I keep stumbling
I start feeling I'm strong enough to break
Oh, I start feeling I'm strong enough to break

Carry on just a pawn and the same old song
I'm still holding on

The fabric is about to fray

Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately
Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately

Things keep coming and I keep wondering
I start feeling the walls close in
Things keep coming and I keep stumbling
I start feeling I'm strong enough
Things keep coming and I keep wondering
I start feeling the walls close in
Things keep coming and I keep stumbling
I start feeling I'm strong enough to break
Oh, I start feeling I'm strong enough to break

((Sorry, about the audio quality.. but it's the best I could find. No, they don't lisp like that, relax and lay off the Hanson comments, okay? I'm really not in the mood, just a fair warning dear reader.))

This song really reflects how I feel right now. I just thought I would pass it along to you, it's really a good song. One of my favorites actually by them.

_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_

The video comment kindly left by my reader-Lady_Moonlight. The audio is MUCH better here.... enjoy!

Invisible quicksand, raising ever so slightly...

2008-10-02T11:49:00.004-05:00

I miss him. I mean more than just friends missing friends.

I can't have him. I know this, and it's quite clear that nothing has changed.

But that doesn't lead to a change in my feelings. I want him, need him, can't have him.

But, damn it, I want him and to be his forever..

That doesn't help me decide in the slightest where to go from here. It seems as if I can't go forward, yet I can't go back.

I feel like I am stuck in a invisible quicksand..not exactly drowning, at least not yet, but unable to change my position.

I'm at a loss of words to describe how I am, emotionally and over-all. (I know, right? Dear reader, I bet you are thinking, 'Wow.. it must be serious. A loss of words from the blogger who writes books? AMAZING.'

But I am. I don't have any clue where to begin sorting things out and expressing myself. And that's not good. How do I expect myself to be heard to those who need to hear, and make possible changes if I can't articulate myself to them?

(What a fancy word, articulate. It's one of my favorites, I think. What a nerd I am..)

Dear reader, do you have any ideas how I might make my way around the roadblock in my mind?

Also..do you have any words you especially like? (CLEAN! Not dirty! Be nice here.. but tell me what you like best in the English (or non-English) English..Definitions would be great as well, if it's a lesser known word..we could all stand to learn a new thing once and awhile, I think!)

Oh.. I feel so lost...

Inadvertently Anti-Social..

2008-09-30T14:16:00.003-05:00

I can't do it.

I just can't. Everyone around me, however, seems to find it easy as pie.

But not me.

I mean, I grew up as a half-time small town Midwestern Girl. I SHOULD be able to do it. Everyone in the small town of Oxford, IA can do it and do it every time they step foot out of their front door. I go to visit my second mom, and people are waving at me and smiling, saying hi and trying to start conversation. (People I don't recognize or remember in the slightest, remember me and want to catch up..)

I mean, I try every day, EVERY DAY, to make eye contact and smile at people around me.

I fail at (almost) every attempt to smile and say hi to complete strangers, or people that I haven't talked to very often. I mean, I'm thinking 99% failure here...It's apparently not in my programming.

You know how hard that makes my job in public retail? The customers smile and me, and expect small talk to come pouring out of my mouth. Not so easy, sorry.

It's not that I don't try. I mean, most of the time I see someone walking my direction and think, 'Smile at them, say hi...something! Quit being so anti-social!!' . Then the person walks by, I look the other way and failure. I can't get myself to do it.

Why????

(It's always been this way, just been getting worse lately. When I was growing up, it took me a few months to get used to my classmates, another month or two to actually start talking to them, and then another month or two to start sitting with them in the lunch room and in class. Think about it.. that's most of the school year gone in that time. Summer would come around before you knew it, and then I would have to start all over again with most of my classmates the next year...)

Do you know anyone like this? Are you like this?

Do you have any clues to this annoying phenomen, dear reader? Do you have any suggestions for me?

Help!!!!!

Love Me If You Can

2008-09-29T01:48:00.003-05:00

I'm sure you've realized it by now, actually I'm sure you've realized two things by now. One, that I relate to music and use it to help me relate to you, dear reader; and two, that I like Toby Keith and country music in general.

This particular Toby Keith song really shows another side of him, and excluding the religion references, I think that it reflects how I want other people to view me. Does that make sense, dear reader?

Many people I know may not like(or understand why I do,) what I do, or what propels my thinking.. but all I want is for others to accept me for who I am, and possibly love me for who I am.

That's all that I ask. All that I can offer as a person/friend/daughter/sister/significant other is all that I am.. nothing more, nothing less.

Is that enough for you?

History of relationships..

2008-09-28T23:16:00.004-05:00

I've been thinking a bit lately about different conversations I've had in the past with friends and the different relationships I've had. Well, by 'a bit', I really mean A LOT. For some reason, my brain keeps replaying and reviewing different conversational tidbits, and dissecting the various relations I've had with those I've dated.

For instance, I had this friend named Adam, who really started out as solely my brother's friend. He told EVERYONE that he met (when I was around), that he had known me since I was knee high to a grasshopper *laugh*. He is the same age as my brother, who is an astonishingly eight years, one month, and twelve hours older than I.

This is the same guy that told me I had a 'barbie doll' kind of body, when I was 17-18.. I STILL don't see how he saw that. Yeah, if Barbie lost all of her boobs, and was marketed as a Midwestern Plain Jane.. maybe then..perhaps with a head sized paper bag sold separate? However, I don't think that would make much money..

I have been thinking also about the various guys I have dated. I've always been attracted to bad boys, but they are no good for me! Let's see.. there have been the following:

Myron.. *whoops* I'm ashamed to say, but almost forgot about him!! I only remembered when I was proofreading this! He was the first 'date' I ever had. We went to my ninth grade homecoming together, and dated for about a month. He was the first guy I ever kissed. We kept a 'notebook' back and forth, together during that time.. makes me laugh to think about it now.
He ended up with one of my closest friends at the time, Liz. He went into the service after he graduated, they ended up married and they stayed together for quite some time. Unfortunately, that didn't work out, and they divorced. I haven't really talked to either one of them in years, I got the situation recap from him when I saw him at my work about four or five years ago. He was a sweet guy.

Gabe...he was way older than me, my first actual 'boyfriend'. Never did anything physical together, and we were broken up/together about half/half the time. At one point, we went on a 'break', and he proceeded to stay that weekend with a girl he knew from high school..because I wouldn't do anything with him. He knocked her up, and that was the end of us.

Mike...I think he was the baddest boy of them all. He transferred to my school a few weeks into tenth grade. I met him around the time Gabe and I started dating.. THAT lasted a full week, until he realized he wasn't getting anywhere with me, and dumped me for a friend of mine..I see him every once and awhile while I am working, but we don't talk anymore. It's a shame really.. he was a cool guy. Did drugs, drank, and caused trouble, but he was cool. Teachers HATED him.. but I wonder why?

Jeremiah and I dated my junior year of high school, for about nine or ten months. We were pretty serious, I had his class ring on a necklace around my neck, remember how big of a deal that was to us in high school??

We were together ALL the time during the week when I wasn't in school and he wasn't at work. He went out every weekend though, dancing, decked out in cowboy ware..and had several 'escapade's', including one with a friend of mine. He dumped me for her, and they are married to this day with two little kids. So, at least it worked out for him, I'm happy for them.

After that, I didn't date anyone for a few years, until the spring/summer after I graduated high school. I was seventeen at the time, and I ended up dating this guy named Josh, who idolized Eminem. I met him through my best friend at the time, and we hung out with a group of friends at the mall every weekend. He was sweet and thoughtful.. but had many, many issues.. He ended up breaking up with me cryptically on the phone one day. Turns out he got another girl pregnant. (I pieced that together later, from reports from his mom and friends.)

After THAT, I took a couple years off again. That's when I met a guy from work. We had such an amazing physical attraction right from the start. I think the first thing we talked about was the sex scene from Eminem's Eight Mile. (Which is the HOTTEST sex scene found in any general movies, in my opinion.) Did I mention an immense physical attraction was present between us, every time we were together?

The first ever 'romantic' date I had was courtesy of him. He made spaghetti and had candlelight. (Ohlala..)...

...And then I beat his butt at Super Mario Brothers that night *laugh*..we dated for a month or two, until he dumped me for another chick at work..

(Good news, though, we are once again friends. I am very happy for him, he has matured and became a wonderful person with a wonderful wife and beautiful baby. Note: his wife is not that chick that he dated after me.)

Do you see any pattern here, dear reader? Meet a guy, refuse to do all of that hanky-panky stuff, and eventually get dumped for a chick that did..

Anyway...

Then came a break, and I ended up with a psycho minister wanna be, who wanted me to become a barefoot, always pregnant, preacher's wife for the rest of my life, smiling and nodding at everything he said. I found THAT out a year into the relationship, and it took seven months or so for him to get the clue that I was done with him. He was just far too clingy and ended up stalking me. Crazy dude ended up following me across state lines when I went to stay with a friend, to think about things and eventually break up with him via phone. Then he had the GALL to tell everyone at work, and his friends/family that I was the reason that he had to start going to a psychiatrist. Yeah, dude.. I am the reason you are a certifiable nut case.. uhuh, we'll go with that.. Idiot.

I ended up falling head over heels for one of my friend's friends when I went to Nebraska to break up with psycho minister guy. We were inseparable most of the time I was over there. My friend ended up moving back home to Iowa not long after that, and Jeff followed him. We dated a total of almost three years, and were very happy for the majority of that time. We were completely and utterly attracted to each other on every level: physical attraction, mentally, and just everything. However, we currently are trying to figure out the whole 'friends' thing, since we broke up in July. Distance does not bode well for relationships.. *sad* But, if you look in my blog entries, you know just how much he still means to me..

And that brings me to where I am now.. single and contemplative.

I don't know what comes next, or really why I wrote this.. but for everything there is a reason, even if we don't realize at the time.

There's only a few guys in that mix that mean anything to me, and even though it's only in a friend capacity, I feel very blessed to have them both still in my life. The others can go fly a kite for all that I care.. *laugh* Either that, or I have no idea what's going on with them anymore, and don't know them from...well, from Adam.. as the saying goes! (Which makes a funny circle of an ending, don't you agree, dear reader?)

Livin' Our Love Song...

2008-09-27T22:20:00.003-05:00

..well, we aren't. But that's the song that is playing right now on my media player.

I know that Jeff HATES country, but while we were dating 'Livin' Our Love Song' by Jason Michael Caroll was released. Every time I heard it, it reminded me of Jeff and I, and our wonderful relationship. I don't know why exactly, but it did.

And tonight, it came on while I was talking to him on messenger. I found it for you, dear reader, on Youtube.com.. See the blue link in the paragraph above? That will take you straight to it :P

Please have a watch, even if you don't like country. Jason Michael Carol has a GREAT voice, and it's a sweet love song. (Not to mention, he had great hair in this video lol..)

I now think it is time to go lay down.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear reader, the lyrics are also below for you to peruse..

Livin' Our Love Song Lyrics
Jason Michael Caroll

Baby when I look at you with your hair fallin' down in your baby blues
Standing there across the room I get so lost in the way you move
It makes me reminisce back ten years ago on a night like this
Teary eyed as you took my hand and I told you that I'd be your man
So many things have come so many things have gone
One thing that's stayed the same is our loves still growing strong

{Chorus}
Baby just look at us all this time and we're still in love
Something like this just don't exist
Between a backwoods boy and a fairy tale princess
People said it would never work out
Living our dreams and shattered all doubts
It feels good to prove 'em wrong
Living our love song

Oh darling would you look at me
With my heart beating fast and my shaking knees
It's pretty hard to believe after all these years I still need you this badly
You're dancing in my arms with a spotlight moon in a sea of stars
Oh girl we've come so far everything I want is everything that you are
Just want to lay you down
Say I love you without a sound
I think you know what I'm talking about

{Chorus}

{Chorus}

It feels good to prove 'em wrong
Just living our love song

Personal censorship, right or wrong?

2008-09-24T22:50:00.004-05:00

People are funny.

I don't mean 'haha' funny, but just funny in not so good ways. I know that many of my readers didn't catch the second blog entry that I wrote last night. It was titled, 'Confessions' and it consisted of me trying to work things that are festering in the back of my mind.

It was posted less than ten minutes, before one of my readers (who it involved), became very angry over it. They defended themselves, with some valid points..I then made the entry 'private'. However, some of their validity escaped when they basically told me that I had it wrong, and I needed to state the facts. I would like to question how my feelings are wrong? Everyone perceives things differently. And I wrote how I felt about the particular events, and the current situation. Yet, I am wrong.

Yes, there are two sides to every story. The truth lies somewhere in the middle. I had teacher after teacher in my schooling say that, in reference to many written accounts of events, and to many parts of current situations and past historical events.

Regardless, I had made the blog entry private, as to not create any more chaos, or 'waves'. And I didn't limit that restriction to just my major blog. I also deleted it off of my fubar profile, my spicepad profile, and made it private on my myspace profile. I thought that would be the end of it. One person reading it, and no one else would be the wiser that it was ever written.

Wrong.

Not five minutes after I made my myspace entry private, I received a message from one of my readers. They complained that it was private and they wanted to read it. I declined, saying that it was a diary entry for me and apologized to them.

I then received a return message saying that blog entries are public, or are supposed to be. This particular reader wanted the details about what was in it 'or at least a hint'!!

So, I have gotten one reader upset that it was public without their side of the story to defend them..and then I have gotten another reader upset because they couldn't read it.

And I got upset with myself because I couldn't decide whether or not I should have made it public, private, or not written it at all!! I ended up in an disagreement with the person it involved, and really made my day crappy today with it's residue. I hate arguing with them, they are very important to me.

What do you think, dear reader?

Should I have censored myself? Should I keep some things unwritten? Do I have to make EVERY entry public for my readers?

Should I give the person a chance to write a rebuttal and republish that entry including it?

Is there areas of life that should be off-topic in my blogging endeavor?

It's All About The Beat..

2008-09-24T09:36:00.012-05:00

Inspired once more by the wonderful Clever Girl Goes Blog writings, I have figured out my newest blog post. (Yes, that is a click-link. Go check her out if you have the time. You won't be sorry, she's a wonderful writer.)

I've been wanting to write a music post for some time, but I couldn't think of anything that wouldn't take a book to write. You know by now, how long my regular posts are!! If I were to write about something that I am extremely passionate about, you'd be old and grey before you were done reading it!

Anyway. Here is my shot at writing about music.

Music is something that comes so naturally to me.. it is a rare day when I don't have my car radio on, my MP3/cd player in my purse, or my computer spewing something with a beat out of the speakers.

I learned how to sing (horribly, but I started doing it anyway), as soon as I learned how to talk. At two years old, I knew most of Reba McEntire's 'Fancy' and by three years old I knew every word to Michael Jackson's 'Thriller'. (Even though I couldn't watch it in it's etireity, I always begged my mom to let it play on the TV and I covered my eyes! The cat eyes at the very end still freak me out!)

I couldn't begin to guess how many songs that I know the lyrics to, I hear a song and three times through it, I know the lyrics. There's the rare few that take a few more turns for me to memorize, but most of them I have down rather quickly. Even songs I don't like, I know. Go figure, huh?

Anywho. You get the point.

Music is as ESSENTIAL to me as the air I breathe. It bums me out that as much as I love singing, I am no good at it. I can make the dogs howl, I am sure. That is why I don't sing around ANYONE, unless it's so quietly you would think I am singing under my breath.

I have a hard time getting going in the morning, until I finally figured out the trick. I have a few select songs that I play almost every morning to get myself going. Call it my top five if you will.. and they are in this order for no other reason but because that is the order they are on in my media player.

So, here we go:

1. 'If You Want It To Be Good Girl, (Get Yourself A Bad Boy)
by... bet this will surprise you just a tad.. the Backstreet Boys. It's off of their debut album. (Remember WAY back when, you know back in 1997?) On some verisons of the album, it is the bonus track. On other albums, it doesn't appear at all. And it's clearly spelled out in the song EXACTLY what it is about. I'll try to remember later to link the titles with their lyrics so that you can read them, my lovely and dear readers.

2. 'Gimme More'
by Brittney Spears. Her album 'Blackout' has the majority of the songs in my morning routine. Even though this album was made and released during her breakdown year, it's still a wonderful album, with great beats and good lyrics. I bought it as soon as it came out, and was very pleasantly surprised.

3. Piece Of Me
, again by Miss Spears. Great song, again with a great beat (as all of the songs on this particular album). Written during the time of the year when all of the papparitzi were on her 24/7 TRYING to make her mess up more than she already was.

4. 'Radar'
. Yet another Spears track. The last one in my morning routine. Not one of my favorite tracks on the album, but still good.

Those four songs usually make it into my routine. If I have more time in the morning, I sometimes play some All 4 One..'She's Got Skillz' and 'The Bomb'

'Skillz' is definately clear about what it is about. It has a good beat, and surprisingly was played on the TV series, "Family Matters'. (Very surprising, to me anyway, considering that series was definately family oriented.

The Bomb has a great beat as well and fun to listen to.

So there you have it. A music post, (boring as it may be), finally from me. There will be more, never fear! If you can't tell, I like music that has a good beat, and catchy lyrics. Those two factors are major in deciding what I want to listen to in the morning when I am trying to get motivated to get ready for work.

What do you think of these songs (and lyrics?) I bet most of them can be found on either www.playlist.com
or youtube.com
(music videos or tribute videos.)

Enjoy Dear Reader!

Same old craziness...

2008-09-23T21:30:00.002-05:00

Okay. So I will try this again. Maybe I should include some pictures as well.

For my benefit, not yours. That sounds a bit rude, doesn't it? Sorry, dear reader.. I am not very focused today. That's why I am contemplating pictures, to break up the monotony and help me plug along.

For those reading my full blog, notice anything new at the bottom of this page? That's right, I have a free copyright to my blog now. Thanks to Tia, author of one of my favorite blogs: Clever Girl Goes Blog

Sounds a bit premature, or stuck-up perhaps? Nah, I don't think so. See, I have a few blogs that I read on a constant basis, and quite a few of their authors have had their material stolen and claimed by someone else, whether the real author was well-read or just starting out.. so I thought I would get that in place BEFORE someone thought my stuff was worthy of taking...

Anyway.

Onward, to my past week. I am sure you're dying to hear any details that I have...

Okay. I bought Rob Zombie's Halloween this weekend.. I've seen it before, but it was only ten dollars on sale at Target and I've been wanting to add it to my collection. So I snagged it..

(....Wow, sorry about the run-on sentences and sentence fragments, dear reader. Told ya I wasn't with it tonight!....)

As I was saying, before I so rudely interrupted myself, I took it over to Jimmy's this weekend. We were going to watch it by ourselves, but his aunt had the night off. We tried convincing her that it was really gruesome and disturbing, hoping to get her out of there. She stayed for the whole thing, I was very impressed. The movie rocked, and now Jimmy has seen all three of Mr. Zombie's movies.

I can't wait to see what more movies he (Rob Zombie, not Jimmy,) may come out with. He is definitely my favorite director, and I haven't even listened to very much of his music. I believe I will look up some of his musical works sometime soon and buy, at least, a greatest hits album of his.

After the movie, she finally went to bed, and Jimmy made me some yummy bacon and eggs and we talked for quite awhile. He's a pretty good guy, and a good friend. (You hear that, people?? FRIEND!! Thank you very much. Now back to the topic at hand.)

So that was my Saturday.. work wasn't TOO bad this weekend. I avoided checking like the plague, instead busying myself with helping every customer I could possibly get in contact with on the floor, helping the fitting room with the phone and freight.

Boy, oh boy. That brings us to Monday, which was yesterday. Let's see..I worked 10-6:30, only took a half hour lunch so that I could get the heck out of dodge as soon as possible.

Came home and spoiled myself with a really long shower and thought I would wear my favorite outfit over to Jimmy's. In vain.

No matter what, I couldn't squeeze my ass into my favorite skirt!! I jumped up and down, tried shimmying into it, sucking in.. Nothing. It must have shrunk on the hanger. I bet that's what happened.

Good news though. My halter top still fits. That is if I suck in and don't breathe. But it zipped up all the way in the back, so it is still in use. So what if no oxygen entered my lungs all night? It was worth it, because I got to wear it!

We watched a bunch of TV last night, and he fixed up some of those rectangle crackers, sliced up some cheese and summer sausage. YUM..

Are you still awake, dear reader? Have I bored you to sleep yet? Wake up! It's time for you to leave comments and love for me! (*laughs*)

Have you ever experienced the shrinking clothes phenomenon? Who's your favorite director?

How's your daily grind treating you?

Spill it!! *INSERT evil laugh here*

I know, I know..

2008-09-23T20:01:00.001-05:00

Been a few days since I've blogged.. quite a bit I can write about, don't worry!

I found a computer not being used here at campus, and I was going to catch my blog up a bit.. unfortunately it's waaaaayyy too noisy and I've a headache coming on. So, I think I might have to wait until tonight.

It's funny, I have more readers than I thought I did. I see the massive amount of views over there (in my stats counter,) but since there are not much in the way of comments, I didn't really realize I had constant readers that I knew.

Marsha told me this morning that she had been reading along and mentioned Jimmy.. I thought, 'Holy Crap! People actually are reading me!' I'm either at least a LITTLE interesting.. or they are looking for stuff to laugh at.. I'm hoping for the former, myself. (Hi Marsha!)

While I think about all the things I must catch up on in my blog, tell me... what's going on with you, dear reader? Anything of interest (or boring things,) happen since I last spoke with you?

(By the way, dear reader, I am still talking to Jeff on a daily basis.. just thought I would let you know I am still defying the results of my survey, because your comments on my previous posts on the subject are funny :P)

I'm no good at following directions, so sue me..

2008-09-19T00:34:00.002-05:00

You know that survey that I took of my readers at the beginning of the week? The one where I asked if I should email my ex or let sleeping dogs lie?

OOOhhhh.. bad saying to use. My ex is not a dog, and he never lied.

Let me try that again, dear reader.

Remember that survey I took asking whether I should send him an email and say hi, or just forget it?

Well. I must admit that I didn't follow the majority of your suggestions. That is, I didn't follow the overwhelming consensus that I shouldn't email or contact him at all.

I did.

And guess what?

He emailed me back the next day.

With an email twice (ten times?) as long as what mine was.

That's not all. We've been talking on messenger all week. I know, I know.. But what's a poor girl to do when given the chance to speak to the man who did completely sweep her off her feet, even if it didn't work out in the end?

Just thought I would come clean. Let the lecturing begin.

But I have no remorse in contacting him again or talking to him every night. Just thought I would let you know that as well.

Not such a turn on..

2008-09-18T23:32:00.003-05:00

oh yes, massive pain and facial swelling is SUCH a turn on, don't you think?

Well.. I don't. Not really. Not when there's no pleasure involved. Which there is NONE right now..(Pleasure, that is. There is plenty of pain.)

What the heck is she rambling about, you may be wondering...

I'll give the very quick story, dear reader, and then I am going to go hop in the shower.

I was putting the toilet paper under the bathroom sink earlier, because it bugs me when things are out of place. Supposedly a five second job, right?

Wrong.

I knelt down, stacked the packages in the cabinet all nice and neat, and on my way to stand back up, I promptly bashed my face into the ceramic front of the sink.

GOOD LORD, the pain was freakin' enormous.

And I cracked apart my left front tooth. AGAIN.

So, I just got back from the ER, and have a decent amount of facial swelling and headache now. I have to call the dentistry department first thing in the morning to get in there and get it fixed. Good thing is that since I did go to the ER, they pretty much have to see me and hopefully put a temporary cap on the tooth until I can get the permanent cap on. AGAIN. (knock on wood...)

By the way, that five minute job took two hours. Wow, not a good investment of time in making sure things are picked up..

Fairytales in the Midst of Reality

2008-09-17T20:17:00.003-05:00

Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed about having the fairytale life. You definitely know what I am talking about.. the knight in shining armor comes in, sweeps me off my feet, and I live happily ever after.

Apparently, however, MY fairy god-mother thought she would grant me the wish of a fairytale... except she used one that I've never heard of.

Forget the sleeping beauty being awakened by the prince..

forget the poor maid sister being swept away in a pumpkin with a prince and beautiful glass slippers.

Forget letting my hair down and being rescued by the prince in the tower. OOOWWWWWW! Forget that one anyway, even as a little girl with hair past my waist, I thought that one would hurt terribly!

Nope. Instead I get the fairytale where my personal prince charming comes into my life for a bit, grabs my attention.. and then leaves. Unfortunately, 'leaves' isn't a concrete term here.. 'leaves' here means he is dangled by fate just out of the reach of my arms waiting for his warmth and my lips waiting for his kiss.

He's there. But he's not.

Does this make sense to you, dear reader?

I think that my personal fairy god-mother is having fun at my expense.. or else the little fairies and gnomes... I mean, can't you just picture those little darling females with beautiful, sparkly wings flying around giggling and messing with my love life?

Make as much sense as anything else. I came across a quote online a few weeks ago that sums it up for me. It went something to the effect of: "People see the hard to believe reality and say "Why?", I have interesting and unusual dreams and say "Why not?".

All I want to know is just how long that my Prince Charming will be dangled just out of my reach but not out of my yearning. A day? A year? A lifetime? A woman has rights to this sort of knowledge, I think.

Dear reader, what do you think? Might there be mythical creatures playing pranks with me and my love life? Or is fate just that cruel? OR is it something else altogether?

Did you have dreams of happily-ever-afters when you were little? Have you found your one and only? Did you get to keep them?

Questions, Questions.. I know... spill it ALL! I want it ALL! (I'm not greedy in the slightest, I swear!)

I'm in a weird mood, enjoy.. (or not, your call)...

2008-09-15T22:47:00.003-05:00

I just got out of the shower, and I remembered something that I thought I would mention to you, my dear reader. I wanted to see if you remembered this as I did.

See, what I was thinking while I was in the shower was that it had been awhile.. I mean IT had been awhile. You know what I mean. I looked at my shampoo and conditioner bottles, (Garner Fructis) and was reminded of another popular brand.

Herbal Essences.

Which in turn reminded me of those commercials. You know, where the lady in shower gets a mind blowing orgasm (from the sounds of it) just by applying the shampoo and conditioner on her hair. Makes me want to run out and buy it, Ecstasy in a bottle. That's what they should call it.

Does anyone else remember these commercials?? What ever happened to them?? Did they deem that sales tactic as not family-friendly? Because, of course it wouldn't be. For one, if she gets all of the pleasure she needs from a bottle, why should she keep the guy?? And without a guy, no little rug rats.. you know how this goes. I think we can skip the birds and bee's chat, right?

Right???

I don't know.

For two.. probably not a good idea for a commercial that children will see..they are corrupt enough, sometimes.

So, do you remember this whole ad campaign? What did you think of it? Where, oh where, did it go?

It wouldn't get out of my head until I posted it!

2008-09-15T21:10:00.001-05:00

Settlin'
Sugarland

Fifteen minutes left to throw me together
For mister right now, not mister forever
Don't know why I even try when I know how it ends
Looking like another "maybe we could be friends"
I've been leaving it up to fate
It's my life so it's mine to make

I ain't settling for just getting by
I've had enough so so for the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high
Just enough ain't enough this time
I ain't settling for anything less than everything, yeah

With some good red wine and my brand new shoes
Gonna dance a blue streak around my living room
Take a chance on love and try how it feels
With my heart wide open now you know I will
Find what it means to be the girl
Who changed her mind and changed her world

I ain't settling for just getting by
I've had enough so so for the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high
Just enough ain't enough this time
I ain't settling for anything less than everything

I ain't settling for just getting by
I've had enough so so for the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high
Just enough ain't enough this time

I ain't settling for just getting by
I've had enough so so for the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high
I ain't settling no, no, no, no, no, no

So raise the bar high

I must void my exciting news..

2008-09-15T01:20:00.001-05:00

...I am afraid. It didn't work out, and the idea was shelved for now. So, I don't think I will even share what it could have been. I'll let my readers come up with kooky ideas of their own and put them in the comments :P

Care to sit and listen?

2008-09-15T00:31:00.004-05:00

(or read, that is more the case...)

Okay, let me address some things that have been mentioned in my blog comments about my last relationship.. is that okay?

(Better be, because it's my blog and all..!)

SweetExtreme commented on my blog, 'Confusion Abounds' this: "My opinion and again it is only my opinion. You obviously still have feelings for him or you never would have sent him an e-mail saying, hi. Right? If he wasn't abusive, married, lied or cheated on you... then why not try and reconnect with him?"

My response, my lovely readers.. Yes. I do still have massive feelings for him. My breath caught when I saw his email in my in-box this morning (I didn't think he would write back.) I think my breath would be taken away and I would be swept away if I saw him in the flesh. No, he wasn't abusive in the slightest, not married. He didn't lie or cheat on me.

However, there were other issues. One was the whole thing that turned my world upside down about a year before he had to move back to his mother's. I won't divulge into any of that, because it's a private matter of his and I respect that. I didn't want to have the uncertainty of stability if we ever lived together due to some habits of his. As well as our differing wants and desires of life..He never wants to marry or have children. I want marriage, children and the white picket fence.

Also, there at the end it boiled down to the same scenerio that was posed on me by my ex-fiance'. That crazy s.o.b. wanted me to be a barefoot, pregnant preacher's wife for the rest of my childbearing years, and not have ANY say in how things would go.

THAT particular part of things wasn't the same that I went through with Jeff..but the part that he wanted me to move hundreds of miles away from my home state, to a place where I knew NO-ONE, and had to leave my family, friends and pets to live with their family... well, that was the same. Also, the fact that they wanted me to live with THEIR family, but flat out stated that they wouldn't live with MINE...hmm...

With Jeff, it wasn't the idea of those things with him that did it for me.. I admit that it was the de ja vu that I went through that same horrible thing with Jay. Bad taste in my mouth, and all.. If that hadn't had happened, who knows..

Another thing that was mentioned and I just want to clarify: he was wonderfully romantic, never laid a hand on me, and was loving and caring to me. He never cheated, and he took care of my every desire. He took my breath away with every kiss, from the very first one to the very last one..

That was when he was living here, though.

When he moved back home, it was like he turned into a totally different person and NOT a nice one.

Jeff is a wonderful man, but unfortunately it seems our paths did not cross at the right times, and I don't fulfill his desires and wants.

---------------------------------------------------------------
So, that's some of the honesty that I promised you. There's more. I do hope that you stick around and see what else I have to offer you. Please do comment and leave your impressions here for me to see.......